Engulfment

Rain is pouring down as I sit and look out my window
Dark clouds rolling and rolling over me, shooting electricity.
I think of you and the day I told you I loved you
You were wearing my favorite outfit; blue plaid shirt and baggy black jeans
I walked up to you as you took my into your warm embrace and said hi
We seperated and I could still smell the sweet smell of your cologne
I looked deep into your eyes and you ask me what's wrong
Without even thinking of the consequences I blurt out a soft 'I love you'
You look shocked and I have to ask 'Do you love me?'
Your eyes look worried as you slowly shake your head no
I feel tears stinging, burning my eyes and threatening to escape any minute
I've got to get out.
I run as fast as I can, not looking back to see if you're still standing there
Inside I want to start screaming and cry at the same time
I need comforting but you're usually the one I go to and I no longer have you
I run home, up the stairs and to the medicene cabinet
I pull out a bottle with a perscription label that I cant read because the tears blur my vision
I look in it, see about 30 pills and whisper softly to myself 'this should do it'
I dump the whole bottle in my shaking hand and with the other, wipe tears away
One by one I take them, crying harder with each one I swallow
Blackness surrounds me as I fall to the ground
Now as I sit here in my hospital bed staring out the window at the rolling clouds and pouring rain,
There's only one thing I can think of
You.