Nsync Goes To Heaven!
Hey ok, I know they're not going to heaven for a while now hopefully! But I got this in the mail the other day and thought it was too good to pass up... It was forwarded to me so I have NO idea who sent it but if you wrote it PLEASE e-mail me so I can give ya credit! Now sit back, relax and enjoy the story!
Justin, JC, Lance, Joey, and Chris are standing at the gates of heaven.
Lance: Wow, it sure is nice up here. Where are we?
JC: I know what you mean. No screaming girls, no Backstreet Boys ...
Justin: Wow, I must have died and gone to heaven!
'N Sync looks around them warily.
Joey: Um, guys ... ARE we in heaven?
Chris: Aw dammit! I knew something was wrong when we started walking towards that bright light.
Justin: So now what do we do? We're standing on a bunch of fluffy clouds -
Lance: (bending down to touch them) Oooh, pretty ...
JC: Or maybe we're on the set of the sequel to God Must Have Spent and we're playing angels again?
Chris: There's a sequel to God Must Have Spent?
JC: Yeah, I'm in the process of writing it right now ...
Joey: Hey you never told us that! What's it called?
JC: I'm still working out the kinks, but I'm thinking about "God Must Have A Little More Time On You Than I Previously Thought."
Lance: Wow, that's pretty long.
JC: Gotta go for the biggest acronym, you know what I'm saying?
Justin: Hey, there's some guy in white standing at that little desk. Let's go ask him what's up.
'N Sync walks over to a desk in front of the big white gates.
Lance: Excuse me, sir, could you please tell us where we are?
Man at Desk: You five boys are in a nice little place we like to call heaven.
Joey: But how did we get here?
Man at Desk: I'm sorry to say it, but you must have died to get here.
Lance: (suddenly) Aw, dammit! So I really DID die a virgin!
The other boys start staring down at the clouds they're standing on.
Chris: Sorry, buddy, you're on your own there.
JC: So ... can you open the gates so we can go to the other side?
Man at Desk: Hold on, we're waiting for your earthly records so you can be judged.
Joey: What do you mean, so we can be judged?
Man at Desk: Not everyone gets to go to heaven, that's what I'm told anyway. We have to make sure you're worthy first.
Chris: Well, what kinds of things make you unworthy?
Man at Desk: Well, there are kind of a lot. But the main things we make absolutely NO exceptions for are exploiting young boys -
Justin: Alright! Lou isn't here!
Man at Desk: And buying John Tesh cds.
Justin, JC, Joey, and Chris turn to look at Lance.
Lance: What? You guys don't REALLY think that I like John Tesh, do you?
JC: Well ... you do have the most questionable taste in music,
Lance: ... Whitesnake? ... what was that all about?
Man at Desk: And here we go! Your records have been faxed to me!
Chris: Wow, you guys use fax machines up here? How come you can't use all your heavenly magic to just make things happen?
Man at Desk: It's a Y2K thing ... we're still working on safeguarding our magic system for the millenium.
Joey: What's Y2K?
Justin: Shut up, Joey.
Man at Desk: Which one of you is ... Joshua Chasez?
JC: (stepping forward) Um, that's me.
Man at Desk: So I see here that you're a pretty good kid.
JC: Um, yeah, I would say so.
Man at Desk: Except for the whole drug thing.
JC: Aw, I am so not on drugs. That's just a big rumor, right guys?
'N Sync is silent.
JC:
Justin, Lance, Joey, and Chris: Oh, yeah, right, right, whatever you say.
Man at Desk: Do you really beat the other boys in the group on a regular basis? And remember! Up here in heaven we know when people are lying!
JC: Well ... okay, maybe sometimes, but only if they deserve it! Can you blame me?! Look at them!
Justin and Chris are giving each other noogies and Lance and Joey are playing leap frog.
Man at Desk: I see what you mean now ... I understand. Admission into heaven approved!
JC: Yay!
Man at Desk: And now ... which one of you is James Bass?
Lance: I'm James ... er, Lance ... Bass.
Man at Desk: Well, James ... Lance ... whatever your name is ... you are the best little boy there ever was! That's what your records show!
Lance: Oh yay! Does this mean I get to go to heaven now?
Man at Desk: Sure! Oh, wait a minute ... what's this? ...
Lance: Uh oh, what are you talking about?
Man at Desk: It says here that you went out with Topanga from Boy Meets World!
Lance: (turning bright red) Aw, dammit! Why can't I ever live that down?!
Man at Desk: Hmm, I'm not so sure you can go to heaven now. I have to check with my superiors first. Now which one of you is Joseph Fatone, Jr.?
Joey: (grinning for no apparent reason) Um, I'm pretty sure that's me!
Man at Desk: Well, you have lived quite the exciting life, Joseph. Lots of girls ...
Joey: I gotta spread the Fatone lovin', you know what I'm saying?
Man at Desk: I'm not sure if we can admit a person with so many vices into heaven.
Joey: Aw, man! C'mon, give me a break! I'm good, I swear!
Justin: Oh, let him in. He's pretty good entertainment to have around. He's so clumsy and awkward! He'll make everyone in heaven feel so much better about themselves in comparison to him!
Joey: Yeah, what he said!
Man at Desk: (relenting) Oh, alright, alright. You can never have too many hammy dancers in heaven anyway.
Lance: (helpfully) We call him Dancer Face.
Joey: Shut up, Lance.
Lance: Okay.
Man at Desk: And who is ... Justin Timberlake?
Justin: Oh, that's me! I'm a very good boy! I'm very spiritual and in touch with my faith!
Man at Desk: Uh, yeah, okay ... So your records look like they check out pretty well. Except for one thing.
Justin: (batting his eyelashes sweetly) What are you talking about? I'm a little angel!
Man at Desk: You can cut that crap out right now. I'm not female, I'm over the age of 16, and I don't care for your clear blue eyes.
Justin: Okay... But how come I can't go to heaven?
Man at Desk: You went out with Britney Spears.
Justin: You can't hold something like that against me? She's a nice, pretty girl ...
Man at Desk: Yes, but we here in heaven take her little "Baby One More Time" Catholic schoogirl video very seriously. We don't deal well with blasphemy. So, by association, you can't go to heaven. I'm sorry, but that's the bottom line.
Justin: Aw, DAMN!
Chris: Okay, so what about me?
Man at Desk: And you must be Christopher Kirkpatrick!
Chris: That's right!
Man at Desk: I dig the new hair, man! Just for that, I won't even bother reviewing your records! Admission to heaven approved!
The big white gates swing open.
The man at the desk motions to JC, Joey, and Chris.
Man at Desk: You three are free to go now! Enjoy heaven's pleasures!
JC: Hey, are there any cool red berets in heaven?
(Chris pokes JC in the side.) Ow! Never mind.
Chris: Well, we don't really want to go without our friends. So can they come to heaven with us, or not?
Man at Desk: I'm afraid not ...
Lance: Oh please?! Can't you make an exception for us? We're nothing without each other!
Justin: Speak for yourself, I can still get the fly ladies without you, Mississippi boy. We're begging you! How about a trade? You let us all into heaven, and I'll give you my boxers! You can sell them on e-bay, make some nice bank!
Man at Desk: Hmmm, that sounds fair. Admission to heaven approved! Now go on your merry 'N Sync way!
'N Sync Thank you!
'N Sync walks through the big iron gates to the other side.
Justin: Okay, so HOW does that (GMHS)ALMTOYTIPT song go now?
THE END
