Super Simpsons Quotes

Well, considering The Simpson is the best show ever made, I thought I could take the time to expand my quotes section, giving the simpsons it's own page. It's only fair. And yes, I know the quotes at the bottom of this page are on my other quotes page, but I'm too lazy to change that, so deal with it.

You may remember me from such great infomercials as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Confident Stupid".-Troy McClure

Homer: You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. [cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer: [cheerily] I like stories.

I kinda ran over his dog. Well, replace the word "kinda" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son."-Lionel Hutz

Ms Krabbapple and Principal Skinner where in the closet making babies, and I saw one, and the baby looked at me!-Ralph Wiggum

Lisa, vampires are make-believe, just like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.-Homer Simpson

In America, first you get the sugar, then you get the power, then you get the women.-Homer Simpson

Lisa: We ARE insured, aren't we, Mom?
Marge: Homer, tell your child what you bought when I sent you to town to get some insurance.
Homer: Curse you, magic beans!
Marge: Oh, stop blaming the beans.

Homer: Hello my name is mister Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Postal guy: Ok Mr. Burns, what is your first name?
Homer: I don't know.

You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.-Homer Simpson

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!-Homer Simpson

Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night.-Homer Simpson

Homer: remember when I got caugt stealing all those watches from Sears?
Marge: Umhum
Homer: well that is nothing because YOU have a gambeling problem. And remember when I let that escaped lunatic in the house because he was dressed like santa clause?
Marge: Umhum
Homer: well YOU have a gambeling problem

Homer: Here are your messages, you have 30 minutes to move your car, you have 10 minutes, your car has been impounded, your car has been crushed into a cube, you have 30 minutes to move your cube. (phone rings and Homer anaswers) Hello, mr. Burn's office.
Burns: Is it about my cube?

For once, somebody may call me "Sir" without adding, "...you're making a scene."-Homer Simpson

Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?-Homer Simpson

Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one! (chugs beer)-Homer Simpson

Son, when you participate in sporthing events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get.-Homer Simpson

It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.-Homer Simpson

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.-Homer Simpson

Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.-Homer Simpson

Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.-Homer Simpson (I'm still laughing on this one)

Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else - and it hasn't- it's that girls should stick to girls' sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.-Homer Simpson