The Life-Story Of The Master

Many years ago, in a land far, far away, a very eventful night took place. An event so powerfully epic, that all the earth and the heavens were engulfed in its wrath. The skies were angry, my friend, and they unleashed their vengence upon the land below. You see, on this night of all nights, the future Master Of The Universe was born.

After my birth, I grew up in the mystical land of Mystonia (you see where the name came from?), which is located more or less on the third ring of Saturn. Here, I was brought up to be a wizard. In a way, it was forced upon me, though, and that caused problems later on in life. You see, it was my parents who wanted me to be a wizard. They sent me to the best wizard private schools, and gave me the best spell books, but it just wasn't my passion. My true passion, my reason for living, was ping pong. I would swing the ping pong paddle to and fro, all the live long day.

When I finally gathered enough courage to tell my parents, I was 14 years old. I came down the stairs that cold morning (it was july, but it's always cold on Saturn) and told them the news. They were heart-broken. They said that if they were never going to see me graduate from the Wizard Academy, they might as well never see me again. They told me I had one day to get my stuff together and leave. I was devastated. What was I supposed to do? Well, there was only one thing to do, go to Earth and play ping pong.

So I left the only existance I had ever known to try to find meaning in my life. When I got to earth, I took the identidy of a regular kid named Gabe Vicente. At the age of 15, I joined the regional ping pong league and rose to the top. My hard work and dedication paid off, and before I knew it, I was at the world championships. At the age of 16, I became the best ping pong player of all time.

Now, when you win something as highly praised as ping pong championships, you gain a great deal of power. I became greedy. It was no longer about the ping pong, now it was about power. I had to have more and more, in fact, I had to become: Master Of The Universe! The problem was, I couldn't do it with just ping pong, I needed another source of power. That was when I found Gorca.

One day I was sorting through my neighbor's trash when I heard a sound coming from directly above me. At first I had to laugh because it sounded like a killer whale, but when I looked up I realized this was no ordinary killer whale. It was a goat bodied, giraffe necked, killer whale headed, stick for a tail, square wheels for feet, spiritual being. It told me that I was the messiah, here to tell the world about Gorca.

Now that I had religious power, I was able to obtain a space ship. I flew it to Pluto and built my underground fortress. That is where I have been living for the past 345 years as Master Of The Universe.

Right now, plans for the future are cloudy. All I can say is that there will be a final showdown between good and evil; of course I mean Gorcians and Clowns. This intergalactic battle between Gorca and Mrs. McGregor will take place on Neptune and will mark the coming of the Apocoplypse. That is all I can tell you for now.