It's the age old question that has perplexed man since the beginning of time. Which is truly superior? A duck or a coke? It simply boggles the mind.
Well I am here today to prove to that the DUCK is truly superior.
Let's consider this rationally. First of all, what does a coke do? Well, it basically just sits there. When you are thirsty you drink it. But what happens if you drink it too fast? WHAMMO! It stings your throat! And let's just imagine you went for a hike. When you pull the coke out of your bag and open it, it sprays all over you! Man, THAT PISSES ME OFF!!! And here's the clencher: once you drink the coke, there's nothing left but a can. But wait Billy, you can't throw that can in the garbage. Why not? Because it's recyclable. And that means more work for you. You can't put it in the conveniant garbage, you have to drive to the depot to return it. I mean, WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO???
Well I'm glad you asked. Ducks are great. Have you ever gone down to the pond to feed ducks. Well I sure have. And I'm not embarassed to admit it: it was FUN! And it's even better when the duck is yours. In fact, it's just like having a car. Once you have one, you're automatically cool.
Let's say you just sat down. You are so tired and so comfortable. All you want to do is relax and watch some tv. Then you realize it: GOOD GOD, THE REMOTE IS ON THE TV!!! What are you going to do? You can't get up! Never fear, Quackie is here. Just call Quackie over and get him to fetch the remote. All will be well.
If you're STILL not convinced, the old switcheroo will put your mind at ease. Let's say someone asked you for a coke. You look in the fridge, but to your dismay, there is no coke left. What are you going to do? As a last resort you decide to bring back a duck (the old switcheroo). You are nervous, but you figure it's better than coming back empty-handed. When you give the guy the duck, you say "here's your coke." He'll be so entertained with Quackie's crazy antics that he'll forget what he ordered and he'll give you a big tip. Hey, that turned out alright. But.....
Let's say you're working at a pet store. A man comes in and says "All my little five-year-old son wants this Christmas is a duck." You go to get one, but then you realize: You sold the last one this morning! You decide to give him a coke instead. You come back and say "here's your duck." The man pays you and leaves the store. You wipe your brow and say to yourself: "close call." What you don't realize is what you've started.
You see, the man brings the "duck" to his five year old son. The boy loves his duck, but one day he drops him. Now, if this had been a real duck, he would have just landed on his feet and all would be well. But because you gave him a coke, it explodes, spraying Quackie's brains all over the porch. The boy develops a complex and grows up to be a murderer. He is put in jail, but when he gets out, he nukes the world, killing everyone. All because you didn't want to look bad. WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING???
And the moral of the story is: Stop the bombing, don't drink coke. And always respect the duck.