Author: KimmyPooh4@aol.com a.k.a. Kim Disclaimers: The X-Files and Mulder and Scully do not belong to me. They belong to Chris Carter, FOX, and Ten Thirteen Productions. I'm not making any money off of this, so don't sue me. :) It's just simply for my enjoyment and the enjoyment of all the other X-Philes out there. Feel free to bookmark this. You can put it on your website, but please give me credit and ask me first. Feedback is appreciated. Spoilers: "all things," Gillian Anderson's writing and directing debut. This isn't really an "X-File" persay, just mainly about Mulder and Scully's relationship. I'm a big shipper, so this is definitely shipper friendly. :) Setting: After Scully wakes up at Mulder's apartment and prepares to leave, the events of the previous night are explained. And Mulder and Scully finally come to realize what they feel for one another. Rating: PG-13 Title: "Feelings Unspoken" Mulder's apartment, 7:30am As Scully woke up from her sleep, she looked over at Mulder, laying next to her. She lay there, with one arm propped up to support herself, staring at him. He was still sleeping. She had been up for almost a half hour now, thinking. He looked so peaceful, she thought to herself. She listened to birds chirping outside the window and thought about the events of the past few days. Even after seeing Daniel again, someone who she almost chosen to spend the rest of her life with, all she could think about was Mulder. Seeing Daniel had made her appreciate what she had. She had changed as a result of what she had seen with Mulder over the years, and after the events of the past few days, she was finally able to see it for herself. She had loved Daniel at one time, but did she feel the same way about Mulder now that she had for Daniel? She had struggled with her feelings for Mulder for the past seven years. She knew that nothing could ever happen between them. But it doesn't mean we can't care for each other, she thought to herself. She cared for Mulder very much, more than just a friend. They were partners, and if they had any relationship other than a professional one, it would ruin that. But she wanted more. She couldn't help it. Mulder had always been there for her. He had saved her more times than she could count, and she was always there for him also. She would die for this man if that's what it came down to. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that maybe she was in love with Mulder, and had never realized it. Maybe she had loved him for a long time, but because they had to stay professional she never stopped to consider it really. As she lay next to him now watching him sleep, she came to realize that there's nothing else that this could be. She was madly in love with him and had just boggled her feelings inside up until now. But she wanted to let them out. She wanted to express how she felt for this man. She couldn't hide it anymore. She just hoped that he felt the same way about her that she did about him. Mulder started to stir slightly, and Scully was afraid that she had woken him up. But she didn't. Whew, she thought to herself, I don't know what I would say to him if he did wake up right now. She lay there for a few more minutes, watching Mulder's chest go up and down as he breathed in each breath of air. He looked so good with no shirt on like that. All he had on was boxers, which were concealed by the sheets. He was going to sleep on the couch and carry Scully to bed when she had fallen asleep the night before, but Scully had insisted that they should both sleep in the bed. After everything that had happened, she was still kind of shooken up. She was still somewhat shocked after having seen Daniel again. She needed the comfort and the closeness of Mulder, although she hadn't admitted all that to him. She didn't know if she could ever tell her true feelings to Mulder. Rejection was not something Scully thought she could deal with. At least not rejection from Mulder. Scully got out of the bed slowly, trying hard not to wake Mulder up. She had changed into a pair of his boxers and a t-shirt the night before, and needed to change into her own clothes. She grabbed them off the chair and carried them into the bathroom with her. She changed quickly, and walked back out. Mulder was still laying there peacefully. Good, she thought, I'll leave him a note and let him know that I left early this morning that way he doesn't worry. She didn't think she could face Mulder right now. She needed more time to build up her nerve. She stood there for a minute, unable to move. He looked so adorable laying there, all wrapped up in the sheets. With Scully no longer in the bed with him, he had sprawled out across the whole bed. She thought about what they had talked about the night before. About the vision she had in the Buddhist temple, and about how they had discussed the paths we choose in our lives. Maybe there really is only one right path, she thought to herself, and I'm meant to have Mulder in my life. Too bad I fell asleep, she thought, and she scowered at herself for that. She would have liked to have stayed up and talked some more. She stood there for a few more minutes, just staring at Mulder as he slept, and then walked out of the room. She found a pen and paper at his desk on the side of his computer, and left him a note letting him know that she had left early before he woke up. That way he won't worry, she thought. She needed time to figure out how she felt about Mulder and to find the nerve to tell him. She couldn't do that at Mulder's apartment with him right there. She needed to go back to her own apartment, where she could think without distractions. After Scully finished writing the note, she grabbed her purse and her badge, and walked out of Mulder's front door, and closed the door behind her. She walked down the hallway with an easiness of someone trying to tiptoe to keep from waking up everyone else in the house. Even though she knew that everyone was still asleep in their apartments. But she was still unsure about what she was doing, about whether or not she should be walking out on Mulder like that. Maybe I should have stayed and made him breakfast and talked some more, she thought. But then she thought better of that. No, I don't think I have the nerve yet, she thought, and so she continued walking down the hallway toward the elevator. Mulder's apartment, 10:30am, 3 hours later Mulder rolled over in his sleep, and almost fell off the bed. It startled him, and so he woke up in a fright. He started calling out for Scully, but then he looked to his left to see that she wasn't there. Maybe she already got up and she's making breakfast or watching TV or something. Or maybe she's having a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper. That must be it, he thought. He pulled himself up out of the bed, and walked out into the dining room of his apartment. Scully was no where to be found. He walked into the living room, and looked over at his desk. There was a note laying next to the computer. It looked like Scully's handwriting. He walked over to it, and picked it up. So she left early this morning, he thought to himself after reading the letter. Why would she have felt compelled to do that? I would have made her breakfast, and then she could have gone back to her apartment. Plus we never finished our conversation from last night, he thought. Darn it, I really had more I wanted to tell her. I have some ideas that might explain the vision she had, and she was upset after seeing Daniel again. I should give her a call, he thought, and so he walked over to his phone, and picked it up. He immediately started to dial Scully's number, and in a second it started to ring.... Scully's apartment, 10:15am, 15 minutes earlier Scully sat at the dining room table of her apartment with a cup of coffee in one hand, and a newspaper in the other. She was deep in thought. Mostly about Mulder, but also about Daniel. She had a lot to sort out in her head, and being home for the past 2 hours and 45 minutes had helped her do that. She had showered and changed into different clothes when she got home, and then watched a little TV. That hadn't helped her, so she decided to make some coffee and read the newspaper. She sat there now sipping her coffee, but she wasn't paying much attention to the newspaper. Thoughts of the past few days were heavy on her mind, and she couldn't stop thinking about Mulder either. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that the events of the past few days had only made her realize how great her relationship with Mulder really was, and how she really had changed as a result of the things she had seen with him over the years. She was more open about things now than she had ever been before. But why now? Why not seven years ago? Because I'm a different person now, she thought. I was still in a medical frame of mind back then. Everything was black and white, there was no gray area. I don't see things like that anymore, at least not as much as I used to. I really have changed. The lady Scully had gone and spoken to on behalf of Mulder about her research had really made her stop and think. She had told me to slow down, that everything happens for a reason, Scully thought. She also told me that accidents happen as a result of us not paying attention to something. Could she possibly be talking about Mulder? Everytime that something happened to me over the past few days, that woman had walked in front of me. It turned out in the end after I walked out of the hospital for the last time, that it was Mulder back from England. And that woman had somehow saved me from what was about to happen everytime I saw her. What could all of this possibly mean, she thought. Just then, the phone rang... "Hey Scully," she heard when she picked up the phone. It was Mulder. Oh no, she thought, I'm not ready to talk to him yet. But she had no choice. She couldn't very well hang up the phone on him, could she? No, I can't, and so she said hey back. "What are up to Scully? You left early this morning before I got up. I was worried about you. I didn't know where you had gone. I read your note, by the way," Mulder said. "Oh, you did? Good. I wrote it so you wouldn't worry about me," she said, hoping Mulder wouldn't hear the quivering in her voice. She wasn't ready to talk to him yet. She was actually nervous, not something that happened to her very often. Dana Scully was a strong woman who could deal with anything that came her way. She didn't show emotion very often. I can't let him know how nervous I am, she thought to herself. "Well I did worry a little," he said. "But then I read your note. Why did you leave so early? I would have made you breakfast or something. And we never finished our conversation last night," he said hopefully. There were things he wanted to share with her, his insight into what had happened, but he hadn't had the chance to tell her really. "I know Mulder," she said. "I just needed to come home and think about some things. A lot has happened the past few days and I'm still trying to comprehend it all and make sense of it." "I know," he said, "I understand. I had some insight into your vision and what that woman talked to you about. If you want to hear my thoughts on it, I'll come over. You can make me some tea or something. I never got to tell you last night. You fell asleep." He silently smiled to himself at the thought of Scully falling asleep next to him like she had. She had looked so cute, just laying there. He had brushed away a strand of her hair from her face, and stared at her for a few minutes before he covered her with a blanket. She had then woken up and he had carried her to bed with him because she was still kind of shooken up and didn't want to sleep alone. Nothing had happened between them, but just laying next to her sleeping like that was enough for Mulder. Maybe his feelings for her were more intense than he had thought they were. He would never admit how he felt to Scully. He was too afraid that she wouldn't feel the same way, and that she'd reject him. He didn't know if he could deal with that. He did love her, he thought to himself now as he waited for Scully to respond, he had just never admitted it to himself until now. Scully thought about what he had said for a minute, about whether he should come over or not. She did want to hear what Mulder had to say. She always liked hearing his opinions. She would never admit that to him though. And unfortunately most of the time he was right, but she wasn't going to think about that now. Finally she responded, "Sure Mulder, come on over." He got all excited at the sound of that, but calmed down before he answered her. "Great, I'll be over in a minute." Without saying goodbye, they both hung up the phone. Scully's apartment, 11:00am Scully sat patiently waiting for Mulder to show up. Finally she heard a knock at the door and got up to answer it. As she looked through the peep hole, she could see Mulder's face on the other side smiling back at her. She couldn't help but giggle. She opened up the door and Mulder strolled in past her. "What are you up to Scully?", he asked as he walked in. "Oh, not much really," she replied. "I made tea if you'd like some." "That would be good, and could you put some creamer in it?", he asked hoping she wouldn't mind making it for him. "Well I guess I'm fixing it for you too then, huh?" She walked into the kitchen and proceeded to grab two cups out of the cabinet, looking back at Mulder with a "if I didn't love ya I'd kick your butt" type of look. She poured tea into both the cups and grabbed the creamer out of the pantry. "You know you love me anyway Scully, " he said with a sly look on his face as she handed him his cup of tea. :"I don't know why I put up with you sometimes Mulder," she replied and shot a look back at him, then smiled. They both giggled. She couldn't stay mad at him for long. For a split second, their eyes met. They both stared at each other, longingly. Finally Scully broke the silence when she walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. Mulder sat down next to her, maybe a little closer than he should have. She didn't scoot away, so he figured she was okay with it too. He had a lot on his mind, and he was hoping he wouldn't loose the nerve to tell her. He had told her on the phone that he had some insight into the events of the past few days, but that wasn't all he wanted to say. Scully grabbed two coasters off of the side table next to the couch and they set their cups on them and turned to look at each other. Their eyes met again, and this time they didn't break it right away. They both felt differently about each other than they had seven years ago, but they were just now coming to terms with their feelings. If only they could express it to one another. Maybe they were finally getting to that point, Mulder thought. Scully seemed eager to tell him something too, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He wondered whether or not it was the same thing he wanted to say to her, but he didn't think that it would be. She's not in love with me, I'm just imagining that she has something she wants to tell me also. Scully sat next to Mulder, staring into his eyes, and he was doing the same thing. She thought about whether or not she was going to have the nerve to say the things she truly wanted to say to Mulder. She was getting the sense that he had some things he wanted to say too, but she wasn't sure. Mulder was the first to break the silence. "Are you feeling any better about everything that happened?", he asked, not breaking his gaze with her. She was still staring at him also. "'A little better," she replied, "I'm anxious to hear your opinion on what happened." "Alright, here goes," he said. "I think that you're finally coming to terms with things in your life. You're realizing that the things you have seen over the past seven years really have changed you as a person. And that scares you. You don't want to admit it to yourself, but the events of the past few days forced you to stop and think. You're more open to things than you used to be, and that's why they happened. To help you to see that. The vision in the Buddhist temple was a way of showing you that too. I don't know if it was from God or not, but it did get your attention." Mulder took a long breath, realizing that he had said all that without stopping to breathe. "I've always been able to find some scientific explanation for everything that happens, to give it some sort of meaning. But the woman that you had me go see made me see things differently. She told me to slow down, that everything happens for a reason. Which made me think about why Daniel was sick, and why he showed up in my life again after ten years. He wasn't showing up in my life to be a part of it again, he was there to help me to realize that what she was saying was true, and that I'm a different person than I was when I first joined the FBI." "You are a big part of the change in me, and I wanted to thank you for that. I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for you Mulder." She looked at him, to see what his reaction would be. Scully was surprised when he grabbed her hand. She was taken back by it a little. It wasn't that she didn't like it, because she did, she just wasn't prepared for it. He sensed that, and asked her if she was okay. "I'm fine Mulder," she said, as she continued to hold his gaze, not wanting to look away. She didn't want to hold back anymore. She had waited so long for something to finally happen between them. She wanted to kiss him so badly, to feel him close to her. Mulder felt the same, and he scooted a little closer to her on the couch. "I have something I want to tell you Scully, but I'm afraid you'll just laugh at me." "What is it Mulder?", Scully asked, her heart beating a little faster. "I wouldn't do that to you." Feeling confident, he leaned in closer to her. Before she knew it, he was kissing her softly on the lips. She kissed him back, and her heart did a flip flop inside her chest. She had waited so long for this to finally happen, and now it was. She put her arms around his neck, and pulled him closer to her, rubbing his hair lightly and the back of his neck. He put his arms around her waist, and slowly caressed the inside of her mouth with his tongue, searching out every inch of it. She feels so good, he thought to himself. They broke away, and sat there looking at each other, smiling from ear-to-ear. "What I wanted to say was," Mulder paused for a second trying to build up the confidence, "Is that I love you. I've loved you for a long time, Scully. I just never realized that's what it was, but I didn't want to let another moment go by without telling you that. You never know what may happen next and I didn't want any more time to go by without you knowing how much I love you." Scully was completely flabbergasted. She was tongue-tied. The only thing she could do to keep from fainting right there and just turning into a blob of jello was to kiss him. And she did, more forcefully than before. She kissed him over and over, and hugged him tightly. They sat there for a minute just holding each other. When they broke away again, Mulder said, "Well I take it I didn't totally scare you away by saying that then, huh?" He looked at her questioningly. "Nothing you could say would scare me off Mulder," she said sweetly. "I feel the same way. I love you too. I was just too stupid to admit it to myself." They started kissing again, and they slowly began to lean back on the couch, til Mulder was laying on top of her. He let his hands wander a little, caressing her face and hair, and then making their way down her body. She moaned slightly when his hand came to rest over her breast. Her hands explored his body too. She rubbed the back of his neck, then slowly moved down his back, til her hands rested on his butt. She squeezed it slightly, and this time it was Mulder's turn to moan. He must like having his butt grabbed, she thought to herself. They broke away again, and Mulder moved to the side of her body so he wasn't laying right on top of her, and suddenly Scully felt herself lifting off the couch. She realized that it was Mulder picking her up. He didn't say a word, but picked her up and brought her into the bedroom. On the way, she thought about the reprocussions of what was happening. They were partners, and the FBI wouldn't allow a relationship between them. It wouldn't be professional. But she didn't care. She was in love with him and nothing could stop that. He was thinking about the same thing, but neither of them said anything. It was like they knew what the other one was thinking. Once they were in the bedroom, Mulder layed her down on the bed softly, and then layed down next to her, with one leg wrapped over her body. They started kissing again. When they broke away, they just sat there staring into each other's eyes, and Mulder pulled her into an embrace. He was so much bigger than her that he completely enveloped her. She loved it when he hugged her. She felt so safe and secure. Moments later when he looked down at her, he noticed that she had dozed off. She must still be tired, he thought to himself. We did go to bed late last night, and she woke up pretty early to head back here to her apartment. He layed there for a few minutes, just holding her and watching her sleep. She looked so peaceful. He didn't have the heart to move her. They layed there wrapped in each other's arms, and spent most of the day napping. It was the best sleep that Mulder had had in a long time. **************************** THE END ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Send me any feedback you have please! I'd love to hear it. Tell me if you liked it, didn't like it, what I could improve on. Thanks! Also, if you can think of a better title, I'd love to hear it.