It was a Thursday night, and Rammstein was on tour and playing in this one arena. They put one one heck of a show too! All the flamethrowers, head-banging, blood, Till's growling voice, and Buck Dich, when Till pretends to pee on Flake. Wich reminds me, that's exactly what this story is about. Till Lindemann, unfortuneatly, made the same mistake again like he made years ago at the swimmming competition. He drank just a little too much beer, liquor, pop, and then on top of that, coffee to sober up. (wich doesnt' really work in the first place if you must know).
It was in the middle of the song Laichzeit that it happened. You couldn't really tell if anyway I suppose, but if you looked real hard, you'd notice Till jumping around on stage just a little more than usual. He was also crossing his legs.
The only thing going through Till's mind at the time was, "Oh my! I gotta go! Vat do I do? Vat do I do? I'll get arrested if I piss onstage.....Oh, I gotta go so bad!", he thought to himself.Pretty soon, poor Till was holding his crotch, and running around. He had a big problem on his hands. Just then, he got an idea. "Maybe if I sneak offstage while they haf ze firevorks, and run out to ze back, nobody vill know?", he thought.
So, Till does exactly that. He jumps down from the stage, runs out to the back and finds the nearest bathroom. He runs in in a hurry. Then he hears screams comming from the bathroom. "SORRY!", he said quickly and ran out just as fast, ducking as a makeup case flew past his head. "How vas I supposed to know that vas ze ladies room?", he thought, and ran over to the gentlemens room. Just as he reached the door, there was a sign that said Out of Order. Till had to pee so bad! Now what was he going to do?"I know!", said Till, "I'll pee in zat trash can over zere!"
He walked over to the trash can, unzipped his pants, whipped it out, and was just about to take a whiz, when just then he heard gasping and looked up, and about 20 or more horrified faces of old women from the retirement home near by."sorry!", Till said, quicly trying to stuff his wee wee back into his pants.
"Where do you think you're going, sexy!", said one of the old women, while she reached over and whacked him on the butt!"I.....uh...really have to go now! Ja!", he said, and took off running, with about 20 old women chasing after him. He was surprised at how fast they could run, being so old and all. Some racing to catch up to him in their wheelchairs, while shouting things like, "Hey, nice butt!", or "Come back here, I want some!"
Next Till runs out of the arena parking lot, down the street, and finds a shop near by. He runs in, and asks the lady behind the counter where the nearest bathroom is. The lady said, "Well, it's right around the corner to your left. But, you have to buy something before you can go in. We only let our costomers use it.""SCREW YOU LADY!", Till screamed, and ran out of the store.
Till ran from place to place, looking for somewhere to pee. Still he found not one bathroom to use. He ran until he was out of breath, and surprisingly enough, he hadn't pissed his pants yet. Then, he tripped over a rock in the middle of the ground, and fell flat on his face."Vat ze....!", Till said, and looked up. All around him, were brick walls, and some fence. He was in the middle of an alley, where nobody else was around to bother him.
"FINALLY!", Till shouted at the top of his lungs, unzipped his pants again, took it out, and started peeing and peeing and peeing. He peed for about 5 minuits straight, and let out a sigh of relief.Just then, he hears laughing. He looks over his shoulder, and to his horror, sees an audience full of people, screams, then tries to zip his pants, and gets it caught.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!", Till yelled, while bending over trying to fix his zipper and get his "thing" un stuck from it.The audience is laughing harder than ever, and then some guy comes up to Till.
"hey, are you the guy we need for our commercial?""Vat?", asked Till, who had no idea what was going on.
"We needed a guy for our commercial, and nobody wanted to do it. This is a relief!""Ja, I'll say", said Till, who felt about 30 pounds lighter after taking the worlds longest piss. "Hey, vat is ze commercial about anyvay?", he asked.
"Dont you remember? The Depends commercial, for bladder control?""Oh....um", Till thought while trying to think of what to say next, then he thought to himself, "I should really go along with it then, so I dont' embarrass myself even more...."JA", he said.
"Well good! By the way, my name is Seymore Butts, and I'm the producer of this commercial. You did great!""I did?", said Till.
"Yeah!", said S.B.So then, the very next day, as Rammstein were all in their hotel room, just sitting around watching TV, that very commercial came on. They all laughed till they practically peed themselves, Till of course got very mad at them, and started beating them up for it. But the good news is, Till got paid lots and lots of money, wich he blew away on cheap simirnoff and at a strip club, trying to find women. But, hey, at least he got what he wanted, relief!
Back To Menu