Chapter 15

© Copyright 2007 by Elizabeth Delayne

Ten ... eleven ...” Meredith winced at the pain in her mother’s eyes as she squeezed the tennis ball for a third round. The day had been long. Physical therapy always wore them both down. “Come on mom, just five more! You can do it!”

But Margaret Stark could not. No matter how much optimism Meredith put forth, she couldn’t do the exercises for her mother. It killed her to see the defeat in her mother’s eyes.

“Come on ... twelve—you can do it ... twelve ...” Meredith sighed. “How ‘bout we try something else? You haven’t worked on your puzzle today or we could go for a walk—”

“No Meredith,” Margaret stated firmly, her lips pressed firmly together. She set the tennis ball down with a thump. “I’m tired of all this. Do you see it helping? I can’t walk in a straight line—I don’t want to put a puzzle together! I want to get better!”

“I know—”

“No you don’t!”

Meredith flinched against the sound. While she was growing up, her mother hardly raised her voice, but lately nothing seemed right. Meredith couldn’t wash the dishes right, or make the beds the way her mother wanted.

“You can still so your artwork without any problem. I just want to sew a dress for my girls. I that too much to ask of my hands? I don’t see you working on a puzzle when you would rather be doing something useful!”

“Mom, it’s supposed to help you do all those things you love again.”

“But I want to do them now!” Margaret stood and reached for her cane. “I’ve had enough for today. I’m going to my room.”

Meredith dropped her eyes, not wanting to watch her mother wobble out of the room again. Hateful words rummaged through her tired mind.

Every time I sit here with you I do work on a puzzle when I would rather be doing something else, she wanted to scream. I would rather be in Dallas, at home, in my apartment or doing something with my friends. At least there I don’t have to be yelled at!

Meredith suddenly stopped. What was she saying? Her mother needed her. How many times had Margaret Stark nursed her as she grew up? How much had her mother given up for her over her lifetime?

Meredith sighed, burying her face in her hands. It was selfish to get frustrated.

God, I’m sorry. Please give me enough strength to get through this time. I’m not used to someone needing me, and now three people need me, whether Kelly admits it or not. I keep pushing mom over the line—I need to realize when she needs a break. I shouldn’t ever get frustrated. Please forgive me—and help me. I’m so weary of being yelled at ...

Meredith stood and made her way up to her mother’s room. The door was shut. Quietly she knocked. “Mom?”

There was a pause, just like there always was. Her heart skipped a beat wondering if her mother had fallen or something else had happened. “Yes?”

Slowly she cracked the door. “May I come in?”

Though Margaret was tired and still upset by her lack of progress, her daughters still meant the world to her. She nodded, attempting to smile. Meredith stepped in and shut the door as a feeling so old rushed over her. She felt the feelings of a child stir in her heart, the feelings that had brought her to her mother’s room before. Small tears pricked at her eyelids.

Crawling up on the bed she curled up next to her mother like she would have done as a kid. There always seemed to be protection in the large bed. When she was four, Meredith could remember it just being her mom. Thunderstorms came and went. Fears and questions were all discussed. Hugs were always given.

Her step-father had never intruded on those special times, and though few, Meredith did remember several occasions as a teenager that she had crawled up on the bed, in need of forgiveness, love, or maybe extra attention.

Now the tables were turned. By the look in her mother’s eyes, Meredith knew the time was as much of a big deal to her mother as it was to her.

“I’m sorry.”

Margaret reached out a shaking hand and gently tried to push back Meredith’s straight hair. The gesture was just as comforting today as it had been years ago. “You were just doing your job,” she said as she looked across the dim bedroom. “I’m sorry, too. Sometimes I forget ... sometimes I just want to get better.”

“Mamma, that’s normal,” Meredith sat up and took her mother’s hand. “Remember back when I was taking piano? I wanted to be a great concert pianist,” a soft smile spread across her mother’s face with the reminder. “And I wanted to be able to play everything and it frustrated me that I couldn’t. What I was doing wasn’t music.”

“It was, Meredith,” Margaret promised. “To those of us who listened, it was.”

Meredith nodded, “But to me it wasn’t. I wasn’t going as fast as I thought I should, but eventually, I got up on stage at city hall and played my first piece. It wasn’t perfect. I made so many mistakes ... and if I would’ve continued my lessons I would be a poor musician instead of an artist ...”

Margaret laughed, and to Meredith that laugh was better music than the best Beethoven could have offered. For nearly an hour they talked, perhaps for the first time since her stroke.

❊ ❊ ❊

Joanna pushed the front door open and peaked in. “Is anyone home?”

“In here!” Meredith appeared from the kitchen, wiping her flour covered hands on her apron. She had a touch of flour in her short black hair. “Mom’s doing some musical relaxation exercises and I’ve been tuning them out for the past half hour. You weren’t knocking long were you?”

“I just got here.” Joanna stepped back and picked up the four lawn chairs she had dug out of her garage. “I got your message. These aren’t new or anything, but they hold their purposes, if you get my drift. Where do you want them?”

“You can leave them right there,” Meredith pointed to the wall beside the door. “We just threw this party together. Kelly thought of it, and I’m glad she did, but it’s a lot of work at the last minute,” she pushed her short hair away from her face, leaving another trace of flour. “You know you’re a life savor, don’t you?”

Joanna laughed, “I try my best.” She stood straight up and wiped her sweaty palms on her mud splattered clothes. She looked Meredith over in an attempt to see what had happened in the last week. “Everything okay?”

“Most of the time. I’m worried at times like tonight, hoping that mom can handle the excitement, but everything should be okay.”

She knew Joanna expected her to be honest—it would be Joanna she could turn to the easiest if things ever escalated out of hand. “We have our bad times. You don’t have a minute, do you?”

“For you I have time,” Joanna teased, mentally calculating how much time she needed to shower and be ready to go with Rod to the picnic. It was only four and she had until six. Plenty of time, she promised herself as she followed Meredith into the kitchen.

“So, is Chad coming over tonight?” Joanna asked as Meredith rounded up two glasses of water. She sat down at the kitchen table and watched as the younger one hesitated.

Meredith nodded, finally, the motion tense. “He’ll be here off and on, when he’s not working with the fireworks display.” She turned toward Joanna, her heart in her eyes. “You don’t mind, do you?”

“Why would I mind? I think you’re good for him and it’s easy to see the positive effect he has had on you.”

Meredith sighed and set the glasses of water on the table. Her courage faltered as she sat across from Joanna. “I’ve been praying all week, Joanna. It really bothers me ... well, with you being Bethany’s best friend ... I remember how close the three of you were.”

Joanna wanted to reassure the younger woman—Bethany would have wanted her to. It was hard to swallow past the hard lump in her throat. Even harder to begin. “I want you and Chad to be happy, Meredith,” she managed. “In my mind I never let myself see Chad with anyone else until recently, but that’s because Bethany was all I could see. Does that make sense?”

“Yes. And it’s a relief to hear the words from you. All week I’ve been scared of the feelings between us—” she looked down at her glass. “He’s still very close to Bethany’s memory. I was afraid he would push away from me if you didn’t want us together.”

“You don’t have to worry about that anyway,” Joanna responded with a laugh. “Chad’s never been one to listen to anyone but himself. Of course, you’re probably noticing that, aren’t you?”

Meredith nodded, a sly smile creeping onto her face as she sipped her water. He often told her stories of his life before Bethany. She loved the mischievous gleam that came into his eyes as he admitted those little secrets younger brothers keep to themselves for years.

Finally she set her water down and met Joanna’s laughing eyes. She hated her feelings being so obvious. “So, was that Rod’s car parked in your driveway all afternoon?” she asked in an attempt to get the attention off of herself. Joanna nodded, her eyes drifting out the window to where her truck was presently parked. “Does that mean things are okay between the two of you?”

“Things are unbelievably great,” Joanna responded honestly. She had been itching to share her feelings with someone all day and Meredith was a willing listener. Leaving out the most personal parts, Joanna opened up, ironically, she realized later, to the one person that had ever been close to Bethany’s replacement for Chad.

Almost two hours later, however, Joanna wished she had kept her feelings to herself. Not because she regretted sharing them, but because she was running behind. While Rod waited patiently in the living room, Joanna threw herself together. She had hopped in and out of the shower in record time, barely throwing her clothes on and getting her hair dry before Rod arrived.

Too late to make herself perfect, Joanna berated herself sternly ... but stopped. She doubted Rod would care.

Standing in front of the mirror, Joanna smiled. She was wearing jean shorts, a sleeveless white sweater and leather sandals. Her hair was down, with only a slight touch of accenting makeup on her face. She was in a great mood. She grabbed the treasure chest and held it close to her heart in a prayer of thanksgiving before nearly skipping out of the room.

“Hey,” Rod said and stood when she entered the room. He flipped the T.V. off and waited for her to join him on the porch as she locked up. The smell of someone’s barbeque scented the evening air. Rod’s stomach rumbled.

“Ranger’s winning?” she asked, and handed him her keys.

Rod smiled. He had never dated a girl who’s first words on a date were Ranger’s winning? But then Joanna was not any other girl. “No ... but the night’s still young, though. The Indian’s just had two RBIs.”

“In the same inning?”

“‘Fraid so.” Joanna wrinkled her nose in disdain and Rod laughed. He reached out and drew her close enough to drop a kiss on her nose. His eyes twinkled as he looked down at her. “Hello, Miss. Berkley. You know you really look great tonight. I missed you very much.”

Joanna blushed as he teased her. “Sorry. Sometimes my mind is just out there.”

“I wouldn’t want you any different.”

❊ ❊ ❊

Next door, Meredith turned away from the barbeque grill to find Chad watching her. He had been acting different all evening, a little more nervous then usual, she thought, a little more observant. As she met his eyes, she tried to decide if he was ready to make things more. “What?”

He shrugged sheepishly and walked over to her. “Nothing. You just look fantastic in that apron.”

Meredith looked down at the large apron that said Grease is my favorite vegetable. It had been her step-dad’s years before and nearly swallowed her small frame. She smiled and wondered if she would ever get around to letting Chad wear it. “Thanks. Certainly helps my cooking. How’s the meal coming from the inside?”

“Safe. Kelly’s new boyfriend’s not as bad as I thought he was at first.”

“Bad?” Meredith looked at him in surprise. “What made you think he was bad?”

Chad shrugged, “I guess I remember what I—or, I mean, what my friends were like,” he saw the laughter in her eyes and tried to remained composed, “when they were his age. Besides,” he continued smoothly, “I wanted him to be cool—just so you wouldn’t have to worry.”

“I’m not worried.”

“You’re not?”

Meredith shook her head, suddenly feeling defensive. How come he always had to be looking for the worst in Kelly? “There doesn’t seem to be anything to worry about. Kelly and I have our problems—but we’re okay. She knows the boundaries.”

“I just don’t want you to let your guard down.”

“I’m not letting my guard down!” Meredith turned and flipped the hamburgers, her eyes filling with tears. “I don’t want to think the worst of her and—”

Strong arms reached around her. Chad pulled her gently back against his chest. She faced the red embers of the charcoal, melting as his strong, calloused hands rubbed her tense arms.

“I’m sorry,” he said as a tear slipped down her cheek. She let it go, not wanting to do anything to disengage herself from his hold. “You’re right. Kelly needs to be trusted, and I really don’t have the right to ...” he turned her to face him. “I don’t have the right to judge her or boss either of you around.”

As Meredith smiled, it was Chad’s turn to melt. He reached up and brushed away the water line an unseen tear had left. Father, I need to trust you. I need you to protect her. If anything ever happened to her ... he frowned at the thought, wondering if he was ready to feel something so deep. “As I was saying, Ben’s a good kid.”

“Yeah, and I bet I know why,” Meredith teased, waving the over-sized fork in front of him. Her eyes were sparkling again. “You two started talking sports. I happen to know Ben’s a Texas sized Cowboy fan.”

Chad laughed, his eyes sparkling with the excitement of being near her. “Exactly. His dad has great season passes. He’s a member of a special group on the Internet. Gets all the latest news. He knew some facts a single guy like me doesn’t know.”

“You seem impressed.” Meredith’s eyes twinkled in return as she looked up into his eyes. “Well, I guess Kelly and I have more in common then I thought.”

“And how’s that?”

“We both seem to be able to attract the good ones. Must be in the family ties. Mom did a good job too. Twice.”

Chad’s look changed as his eyes darkened with emotion. “Could be,” there was no hiding the change in his tone either. “I don’t know what it is, but something is roping me in.”

Their eyes locked, and a part of Chad brightened for the first time in years. Meredith had no control over her response. Her heart flew to her eyes so he knew she cared for him as much as she did. Chad reached up and pushed a lock of hair away from her face. As unnerved as he was about getting involved, he could not help himself.

“Hey!” Kelly belted from the back door, breaking the moment. “Don’t let dinner burn while you start your own fire. People in here are starving!”

Meredith met Chad’s laughing, but disappointed eyes. She wrapped the moment in her heart and treasured it, saving it for the quiet moments when needed to hold on to the memory.


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