Chapter 25

© Copyright 2007 by Elizabeth Delayne

Meredith tossed her sketch pencil across the table and heard it bounce on the linoleum. If she was not taking care of her mother, doing something with Britt or Kelly, she was thinking about Chad.

Who was she fooling? Even when she was doing something else, she was thinking about Chad. She couldn’t get him off her mind.

In two weeks she had seen him a little—across the worship center at church and once at the grocery store. He made no effort to see or talk to her. As far as he was concerned, Meredith supposed, she had never been in his life.

What hurt the most was that out of all the people in her life, Meredith had trusted Chad more than anyone. He knew she was going through a difficult time. She couldn’t understand why he couldn’t—why he didn’t want to understand.

Maybe she was not making the right decisions. Maybe she was dealing with every heart ache the wrong way, but everything seemed so big, so hard. It all overwhelmed her. She didn’t know how to deal with anything.

She needed him, to confide in him, to lean on him. She needed his encouragement and his advice.

And he was gone.

The tears that appeared in Meredith’s eyes made her furious. Her emotions were balancing on a thin line. She felt alone and more afraid then she had ever been.

She stared at the unfinished piece in front of her. It was an idea she was toying with for a children’s medication animated advertisement. It was supposed to be a drawing of a rabbit, shivering in a little ball, a huge bear-like germ figure hovering over with huge fangs and claws. Yet, all she could see was the bear—the terror.

Meredith suddenly realized that she could draw herself in the picture. She was the little rabbit, frightened and uncertain and her life was the big, ugly bear. What bothered her, as she stared at the unfinished picture, was that she was unsure where God was at the moment. Oh, she knew. The trite phrase, he’s carrying you, rang in her ears.

And yet, she did not feel carried. She felt hard pressed and tired, weak and afraid.

“I have to get away,” Meredith spoke into the empty kitchen.

She suddenly wanted to be back in Dallas. Alone.

No, she argued, she wanted Chad. Wanted to be able to share her feelings and fears. Wanted to hear his advice, now that she was ready for it. Wanted to bounce alternative ideas off his mind.

And without him, she needed the quiet and the space to figure things out and pray.

Chad was no longer there for her ... even when she was ready to listen.

* * *

Chad sat at his desk, looking through paperwork that had stacked itself up over the summer. His eyes seemed to be content on his work, but all he could think about was Meredith. He had passed her the day before as he exited the grocery store, looking exhausted and so very vulnerable.

Seeing her unlocked a longing so strong that he nearly dropped to his knees then to beg forgiveness. He wanted her in his arms. He wanted to call her—to hear her voice—to tell her everything would be alright. He wanted to pray with her, hold her small hands in his.

With a flick of his wrist, Chad turned his computer off and pressed his hands against his head trying to force his thoughts from Meredith. She was all he could think about. Her face, her beautiful hands, her smile ... the small details about her that made her into Meredith, into his Meredith ... the small details that he treasured.

What was keeping him back?

Chad pushed away from his desk, guilt forcing him to analyze his reasoning and admit the truth. He couldn’t blame Bethany anymore. In the way she lived, in the life she had with him and Christ, Chad had little doubt that she would not want him to go on with his life. She would want him to protect and help Meredith, to meet her needs as his heart was crying out for him to do.

Bethany would always be a part of him, and he knew he would always love her. Yet, inside of him a new love, a different love, was blooming with Meredith in mind.

He just didn’t want to loose again—and for the first time he realized that he had lost her, or would loose her, because of his stubbornness.

But stubbornness wasn’t always a flaw. He could still remember the times Bethany had chosen to laugh at him over it.

And he figured he was stubborn enough to convince Meredith she needed him—almost as much as he needed her.


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