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Chapter 3

She was in the middle of the meeting when the phone arrived. Jane was doing everything she could to keep from falling asleep and someone had caught her dozing, thankfully, it was the office assistant serving tea, and not Mr. Ike. She was usually attentive during meetings, always ready to ask questions and quickly respond but she had hardly slept a wink the previous night and had spent her time deliberating on her predicament and where she was going to get a husband.

Suzanne walked in, with long confident strides and went straight to Jane and handed her a note. The handwriting was Marian’s scrawl which she had nicknamed chicken scratch. Marian did not mind, in her opinion, she had no use for handwritings as she would never have to work on accounts like Jane did. Schooling and everything else that came with it was over for her from the minute she scribbled her signature across a marriage certificate. Jane made out the words: “This is the package I told you about… enjoy!”

Suzanne stood with a little box wrapped up like a birthday present. Marian always had to take a dramatic to everything she did. She signalled to Suzanne to drop it in her office.

After the meeting ended, she exchanged small talk with her colleagues. She caught Darlington Ike’s eyes on her. He was a short pot-bellied man with a curly Papa Ajasco-styled moustache, frankly, not an ideal picture. He winked at her and she was repulsed. She walked away, without giving him a chance to say anything.

“Janet Nwobodo, please can I see you for a moment?” He asked her.

She turned around, sighing as he came to meet her.

“Yes, have you considered my proposition?” He asked her.

“Which proposition?” she looked at him. “Send it in written form to my secretary…”

“Why do you have to be so difficult?” He asked her in a raspy voice.

“Look Mr. Ike, I have no patience for this…”

“You are a beautiful woman but your tongue is like a viper…” he shook his head. “Just say the word – what do you want?”

She left him, “Mr. Ike, please stop disturbing me, okay?”

She walked back to her office and the box was sitting on her table. She lifted it, smiled at the sight of the bright wrapping paper that Marian had used. She unwrapped it and it was a phone box. She removed all the wrapping, remarking on the investment Marian had made by its purchase. The phone was a new one and one of the latest brands. She was examining it and remarking at the way it looked when the phone rang and her heart began to thud. “This is it,” she began. She picked it up. “Hello…”

“Hey, hey, its me,” Marian chuckled at the other end. “just called to make sure you got the phone…” she paused. “Just some security points, don’t give out your full name, or your address and always pick out a very fancy restaurant for your dates so that you can be sure he has money, and good luck!”

The phone went dead and Jane tossed the phone back into the box. This had not been a good idea to begin with. When the first caller rang, what was she going to do or say? She pushed the box to a corner, making up her mind to toss it into the bin on her way home that evening. Marian was a sweet adorable girl who always wanted her happiness but this time, it had become serious.

She was closing for the day and she had packed all her things, her folder was under her arm, her laptop was in its briefcase and she was set to leave. She turned around to view her office once more when she saw the little box again. There were hundreds of people who could do with a phone, she would just give it to one of them and forget about it.

The phone rang and she froze, wondering if she was to ignore it or just pick it up. What if it was Marian again calling to ask how far she had gone? She picked up the phone. “Hello…”

There was no reply.

“Hello…”

“Hi, is this Mature and single?”

Mature and single? What was he talking about? “Excuse me?”

“Mature and Single? From the advert?” The voice asked. “Did you place an advert in the papers this morning?”

“Well, yes,” Jane began.

“Well, I just read the advert, my name is Momodu Brown, I work in a bank and I am single…” he paused. “I have never done this before but I had a good feeling about this.”

Fluent English, educated, well mannered. Jane was getting interested. “How old are you?”

“I’m 35,” he began.

It sounded nice to Jane, like a dream. Maybe Marian’s idea had not been so bad after all.

“So, can we meet somewhere?” He asked her.

“Okay,” she began.

“Where are you right now?” He asked her. “I am just coming out of the bank.”

“I’m on the Island,” he began.

“Well, so am I,” Jane started.

“Great, why don’t we meet at TFC?” He asked her.

TFC was three blocks away from her office. “Sounds great.” She was about to drop the phone when he asked an important question.

“How do I recognise you?” He asked her.

“Call me when you get there,” she told him.

She walked out of her office and she was walking to the fast food joint when her phone jingled in her pocket.

“Hello, I am already in,” he started, “I saved you a seat.”

She walked in and looked around for any tall, dark and handsome man. There was none. Maybe he got the wrong food joint and was about to leave when she saw a hand waving to her. He had a smile on his face and a phone in his hand. He was bald and looked like a sixty year old. She did not bother going in. She turned around and went home.

****

“I don’t believe you did that…” Marian began. “Why didn’t you talk to him?”

“I can’t believe you’re talking like this,” she began. “Your husband looks like a movie star and you expect me to marry a grand father?”

“You should have given the guy a chance,” she started, “maybe he was really 35…”

“That old man 35? What a joke,” Jane began. “I just want you to take your phone,” she handed it to her.

“No way, what am I going to do with it?”

“I am not interested,” Jane started.

“Well, are you not curious to know the kind of people you can actually meet here?”

“No,” Jane began. “To begin with, what’s the Mature and Single thing? Why do people call me mature and single? They make me feel like some old maid…”

“That was the name I used…”

“Couldn’t you have come up with any thing better?”

“Like what?”

“Like young and beautiful, I don’t know, something that sounds good…”

“Well, in case you did not notice, you were so uncooperative throughout the whole ordeal. If you had been more helpful, we might have figured out a name together…”

“I don’t think this is such a good idea,” Jane began.

“You have no sense of adventure,”

The phone rang.

“See what I am talking about,” Jane handed the ringing phone to her friend. “All day long I get men breathing down on the phone like animals, some not even making any sense…” she paused. “One rattled on in pidgin English and I did not hear a word of what he said.”

“Out of all the trash, there has to be one decent one.” Marian picked it up. She had done her best for Jane and as usual, she was complaining. “Hello, who’s this?”

“Hello is that Mature and Single?”

“Yes,” she looked angrily at Marian. “This is Mature and Single…”

“I am Harry, I am 33 and I saw your advertisement in the papers…”

“Well, I am sorry about that, it was a terrible mistake,” Jane began.

“A mistake you say?” He asked. “Are you saying you don’t want to get to know me?”

“I don’t have anything personal against you, it’s just a joke that was carried too far…”

“Maybe then, we were destined to meet, why don’t we meet and see what happens…”

“Not a chance,” Jane started remembering her last experience with Momodu.

“Why don’t you want to give me a chance?”

She thought about it carefully. One bad caller did not mean all the rest would end up that same way. “Are you bald?”

“No.”

“Are you short?”

“No.”

“Are you sure you are thirty four and not sixty four?”

He laughed, heartily. “Yeah, I’m sure.” He paused. “What are your hobbies?”

“Hobbies?” She looked at Marian. “Nothing much, sports, I suppose…”

“You’re a sports person too?” He asked her. “What’s your favourite sport?”

“Lawn tennis,” she had made it a chore every Saturday whenever she could squeeze time.

“You also like sports?”

“Yeah,” he paused. “Can we meet at the Club to play tennis together?”

“Okay, there’s no harm there.”

“Saturday, 10 o’clock?”

“Sounds fine…”

The phone clicked.

“I will kill you Marian!”

“Why? You were actually having fun on the phone, weren’t you?” Marian smiled. “Relax and let things just take its course.” She patted her friend. “It’s only natural for funny people to call but one or two would turn out to be nice. At least this is closer to dating than all those schemes you have been trying…”

As terrible as she felt, she had to agree with her friend.

The phone rang again and she picked it up. “Hello, Mature and Single.”

“I am Emeka Loge, hello.”

“Hi…”

“I read the advert and I just want to say I am interested in meeting you,” he paused. “Is there somewhere we can meet?”

“There is a play at Muson Centre, can I pick you up on Friday?”

“Friday? Sounds good”

Jane ended the call, a faraway look was on her face.

Marian chuckled. “You should thank me for making all this happen in your life…”

“I’m holding my breath, I still don’t know who I’m going to meet…”

by Yvonne Oshiobugie (email: yoshiobugie@yahoo.com)




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