© Copyright 2007 by Charlotte Ann Zuzak

Allie remembered how rough that last month had been. Her extended stomach got in the way of the items she had to check out, her back ached, her feet were swollen. The doctor said she shouldn’t stand hours at a time as she did, but what was she supposed to do? She needed the job at Superfood.

Her gray- white skin indicated anemia. Too thin before she became pregnant, she had not put on much weight because of worry and loss of appetite.

Her mother, Kate, still harped about Wally and his no good family. Allie smiled bitterly to herself. Allie’s father had left after she was born, never sending any monetary support. Her mother had worked at convenience stores, grocery stores and cleaned houses until her back couldn’t take it any more.

Allie and Kate rented an apartment over a garage. Here Allie had lived and gone to school, applying herself to her studies and getting ready to graduate from high school with honors thanks to the encouragement of her teachers.

Allie had always been a dreamer, reading and writing short stories and poetry as an escape. One of her teachers had discovered her ability to write, and had encouraged her to the point where some of her works were published in literary journals. The faculty also encouraged her to apply for scholarships to colleges in the state.

But then Wally had come along and she confused sex with love. He left town when she told him that she was pregnant. He had been a custodian at the high school and filled the naïve girl’s head with pretty pictures of what he was going to do. He told her that he was attending college while working and planned to go to law school. He did not tell her that he was on parole after doing time for a robbery.

One of her teachers, Mrs. Hutton, had tried to warn her about Wally’s background, telling her about the trouble he had been in the past. She tried to get Allie involved in her church and the activities for high school students. It was the time of year when they were studying for confirmation into the church. Father had personally sent letters to each of the high school students to get them involved and make sure that they each chose a sponsor for this special time. Mrs. Hutton, her teacher who had taken an interest in Allie, hinted that she would enjoy being Allie’s sponsor. Allie ignored Mrs. Hutton, and remained a loner, as she had been most of her school life.

Allie had watched a girl friend, pregnant out of wedlock, try to raise her little girl. The end result was use of alcohol and drugs and abandonment of her baby who was placed in a foster home.

This situation wasn’t for her. When the acceptance letter from the university came, Allie knew that this was her road to a new life, and she wasn’t going to back off. With the help of Mrs. Hutton, she made arrangements to delay her entrance to the university for one year until she had the baby and had put it out for adoption. She then could still be able to accept a full scholarship, which paid for books and room.

“Allie,” said Mrs. Hutton, thoroughly frustrated, “I really pulled some strings to do this for you. I really care that you do something with your life. You’re a talented girl.”

The baby was due the first of March and with the help of her doctor and a social worker, she made arrangements to have her baby adopted. She would continue working until fall when school began. She’d already wasted time this year with her foolish behavior.

Allie often thought about the long labor, crying when she saw her beautiful daughter and the depression when the baby was taken away to new parents. She had hesitated and blurted out her feelings to the social worker who sympathized, but explained how she might come to hate the child. Her daughter would have a beautiful home, loving parents and Allie would have money to start school. A door closed so another could open.

Why did she feel so miserable if she had a new future to look forward to? She had to look for a job to carry her over until fall. Someone else had filled her position at the grocery store.

While she was in the hospital she received a visit from Father Malone of St. Ann’s Church. He prayed with her, patted her hand and told her to take care. The prayer left Allie feeling cold. It did nothing for her. She was bitter and at the point where she didn’t care what happened to her.

Once home, she started trying to find a job. She and her mother were not communicating. One afternoon when she started to weep the phone rang. It was Father Malone.

“Allie, I haven’t seen you in a long time. How are you?”

Allie was embarrassed. Thank goodness he couldn’t see her red face.

“Would you have time to come over to the rectory this afternoon? I need to talk to you.”

“Father, I’m going through a difficult time.”

“Well, maybe you need to talk about it.”

Allie smiled as she remembered how persistent and stubborn the Irish priest could be. Every time he saw her he asked her what she was going to do about attending religious education classes and preparation for confirmation.

Allie pulled out a clean sweater and skirt and polished her only decent pair of shoes. She approached the rectory not in the mood to discuss confirmation. Why didn’t priests understand the people sitting in front of them? They had other things to do.

“Come in, come in!” boomed Father as he greeted her at the door. “We’ll sit in the living room even though it needs some cleaning, which is why I called you. Allie, I know your story, so we don’t need to rehash that. I want to offer you a job starting now and lasting until you go to school. I’ve heard about your plans for the fall, and I’m very pleased. But I need someone to clean and act as housekeeper right away and I’ll be looking for someone permanent to take over when you leave. If possible I would like whomever I hire to cook some meals. Not fancy, just good solid food when some of my priest friends drop over. This means that you could eat here at the rectory. I know this is asking a lot, but it’s what I need.”

When he mentioned the salary, Allie was shocked. The amount meant that she could have a substantial savings account by the time she left for the university.

“I think I could handle it. I’m not a gourmet cook, but I can put out a nourishing meal if I have the food to work with.”

“Now I realize this is a lot for a young girl like yourself who wants time with her friends, but you are not to feel pressured.”

“Father, I spend a lot of time alone, and I’m looking to improve my circumstances.”

“Allie, you’ve had it rough. Now don’t go blaming your mother; she thought she was doing well until your father took off. Don’t look at the past; keep your eyes on the future, one step at a time. If you want to talk, I’m available.”

He hesitated, as if he were trying to put thoughts into words. “I want you to know, Allie, that I more than understand what you’ve gone through. I have an unmarried niece who just had a baby. I wish she had put it up for adoption as you did. There are so many people who are looking for a child to love and call their own.” He sighed.

Allie hesitated, and then looked at the priest. “Father did I do the right thing by giving up my baby?”

“Allie, did you do it out of love, wanting the best for her or just to get rid of something you didn’t want?”

Allie started to cry. “Oh, Father. I only want the best for her. I love her. I can’t give her anything.”

“I think you just answered your question.” He patted her on the arm. “Let’s say a prayer for guidance.”

Allie left the rectory with a list of things to do the next day. She had walked around the rooms to determine what cleaning materials she wanted to work with, remembering what her mother used. Father took the list and said that he would have the items there the next day.

As she walked down the front steps a young man she recognized from high school came around the corner. He nodded and said hello. “Is Father in the rectory?” he asked.

“Yes, and he just has a few spare moments,” added Allie.

“I need to know if he wants me to do yard work this summer. I’ll go see him,” he added with a warm smile.

Allie tried to think of the young man’s name. He had been two years ahead of her in high school and was valedictorian of his class. The last she heard he was attending the university and was an honors student. Doug Everett! That was his name! Every girl in his class had been after him, but he never had a steady girl.

Allie went into the church on her way home. She knelt and felt a quiet that had escaped her all her life. Maybe things were going to change. Perhaps the answer had been right in front of her. She looked at the statue of the Blessed Mother. “You didn’t have an easy life, did you?” she whispered.

She heard the church door open as someone else came in. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Doug come in, kneel and say a prayer. His attention was fixed on the Blessed Mother. He crossed himself, stood and left.

Allie’s mother, Kate, was delighted at what her daughter was doing. She pulled recipes from the newspaper and old cookbooks that she thought would help Allie and that would feed sizeable groups. She looked over the list of cleaning products that Allie had given to Father and approved it. Kate had just been offered a waitressing position at a restaurant that was a favorite among the townspeople. The basic salary wasn’t that great, but Kate would be able to make excellent tips

When summer came Doug arrived to do yard work and cleaning of the church. He did not date a lot and did not have a steady girlfriend. He took an interest in Allie’s acceptance to the university, and answered questions that she asked about campus life.

One day she was sitting on the rectory porch with Doug, as they took a break from their chores. It was a hot day, so she had made a pitcher of lemonade. Doug was telling her how he was involved with a group at the university through the church that was helping young people in the community who were the victims of bad home situations. He started talking about a young pregnant girl who did not want to give up her baby.

“She really would be doing more for the child if she let it be adopted,” he sighed. “But she has never had anyone to really love her, including her parents, and she thinks the answer is through this baby.”

Allie was silent, her heart pounding. Should she tell Doug? What would he think of her?

“Allie, is something wrong? You look so pale.”

“Doug, I have something to tell you.” She took a deep breath and told him the whole story. She paused when she came to the end. “I can empathize with that young girl. I keep wondering if I did the right thing.”

Doug looked at her as she fought the tears welling up in her eyes. He sat beside her on the glider and put his arm around her shoulders. “Allie, listen to me. I like to think that my mother loved me very much when she gave me up for adoption.”

Allie looked at him, her eyes growing wide. “You? Adopted?”

“Oh, yes. And those people who took me are very much my parents.”

“What about your birth parents? Do you ever wonder about them?”

He nodded. “I think it must be a very difficult situation, one in which they can grow up or throw their lives away. Maybe someday I’ll try to look them up; but I don’t think that now is the time to do it. I want to complete my work at the university and go on to law school. Meanwhile, I pray for them and hope they’re having a good life.”

Allie thought about what Doug said. She was hearing the adopted child’s side! Doug admired the mother he’d never met. She hoped her child would feel the same about her.

“Allie,” he whispered, “I think you did the right thing. Now you go forward and get your life together. You’ve been handed an opportunity. And how about I pick you up for mass on Sunday?”

Allie started attending mass again and prepared for confirmation the following year at the church she joined at the university. She had shyly asked Doug to be her sponsor, which he did happily. They attended meetings together and often got together socially. Allie was experiencing a friendship that was unlike what she had had with Wally.

She watched a roommate get involved with an older student so that she was never in their room. While Allie enjoyed the quiet room she worried about what the other girl was getting involved in. When her roommate dropped out to get an abortion, it was as if she was observing what could have happened to her.

* * *

Doug had graduated and gone to law school about one hundred miles away. He stayed in touch and emailed her often asking her about her church participation.

Allie had heard that Doug was seriously dating a law student and was surprised at how upset she felt. Well, she thought, we never expressed serious thoughts about feelings for each other so I can’t really get upset.

The summer before her senior year, Allie went home and worked for a newspaper. Her interest was definitely in journalism. Doug was working for a local law office during the summer, with one more year to go in grad school, and had received a clerkship when he finished, in the same office. Allie and Doug had not been in contact for a while.

One evening they ran into each other at church when they both had agreed to help out with a youth group that was going on summer retreat. Doug grinned when he saw her.

“Allie, you look great! And I’m really happy about your newspaper job this summer. The article you wrote about this group of high school students is great. Oh, by the way,” he signaled to a beautiful young woman, “I want you to meet Cassie. We’re both in the law office this summer.”

Cassie was beautiful, and was the type of young woman that made someone like Allie feel totally without confidence. Allie nodded and smiled. “Glad to meet you.”

“She’s staying at the bed and breakfast down the street”

Allie didn’t sleep well that night. Her thoughts were not on her work the next day, and her colleagues just looked at each other. She’d heard that Doug and Cassie were visiting Cassie’s family in the next state the next week. Allie’s mind starting working overtime. Engagement?

Two weeks later when she attended mass she noticed that Doug was there alone. Someone said that Cassie had not returned with Doug, but had remained with her parents. Doug waved to her as they left the church, but no conversation. He was with his parents.

That summer the publisher of the local newspaper offered her a permanent job when she graduated the following year. Allie beamed as she told Kate who threw her arms around her daughter

There were two things to celebrate that day. Allie’s job and Kate had just been named manager of the restaurant where she worked. Allie hugged her mother. They had become close after many years of psychological separation.

* * *

Allie stopped by the church that afternoon to tell Father Malone that she would be able to help him with a dinner the following week. She stopped in the church to offer up a prayer of thanks. Where to begin? Life was beautiful. As she walked up the steps to the church she saw Doug with an older couple she’d never seen before. The woman was tall and slim and fashionably dressed. The man was quite good looking and reminded Allie of someone. Doug called her over.

“I want you to meet my Mom and Dad, Allie.”

“But…” It suddenly dawned on her that this attractive couple was Doug’s birth parents. “Oh, my!”

Doug grinned. “I finally was able to open files,” he said.

The woman smiled at Allie. “I’ve heard about you. I know how you felt. I was in college with him,” she turned to the man with her, when we became pregnant. We separated; I went home and had Doug, put him out for adoption and went back to school. We met again a few years ago, both of us widowed. We’ve been married a year and have been trying to find Doug to explain. Only I had called him Andrew.” She smiled. “Isn’t it interesting that Andrew is his middle name?”

“I have two sets of parents, all of them very comfortable with what has happened,” said Doug. “So when I graduate from law school I’ll have four parents there.”

His father wiped his eyes, which were glistening with tears. “I am a lawyer and I’m hoping that eventually Doug will come in with me. My other two children never showed an interest in law.”

“What a happy story!” said Allie. I hope someday I can meet my daughter’s second parents. I really miss her,” she said wistfully.

“Don’t push it,” said Doug’s mother. “If it doesn’t happen just know that your daughter has a good family. God will take care of her and you.”

Allie sniffed and nodded.

“Well, I need to get to the mall,” said Doug’s mother. “I forgot some things when I packed!”

“We’ll meet you later for dinner, Doug,” said his father. “Join us, Allie?”

Her protests were overlooked. She would have to check with Kate.

“Quite a day for you, Doug.”

“Now just remember, Allie, it took a long time. I’m in grad school.”

She nodded, her thoughts on her daughter.

“Allie, I don’t know if you’ve ever done any thinking about us. But I really enjoy being with you. When you relax you can really be fun and funny.”

“Now that’s quite a description, Doug.”

“Well, it’s true. I miss you when we’re not together, and I’m really happy for you and the job waiting for you when you graduate. How about aiming for the New York Times?”

Allie laughed. Her eyes twinkled. “I suppose I could do worse.”

“Allie, about us. Can we see what happens? We both know that we want more than an affair. I like to think of being married to you, but I don’t think we ought to hurry it.”

“Did you notice that you didn’t ask me my opinion about marriage? After all, my father walked out on my mother and me. I don’t need that. I’d rather stay single.”

“I understand.”

He reached for her arm and pulled her around to him, giving her a kiss and not caring who saw. As it was, Father Malone walked by and waved.

“Doug, if I were to fall in love, it would be you. And I think it’s happening; but like you said, let’s take it easy.”

“Go into the church with me,” whispered Doug. “Let’s say a prayer.”

Later, they met all of Doug’s parents at Kate’s restaurant for dinner. Allie was proud of Kate who led them all in to a special table she had reserved and used special linens. They all thanked Kate when they left for her attention and complimented her on the cuisine. Allie knew that Kate had taken the menu and changed several things to make the restaurant a special place. Doug’s parents said that they didn’t remember the restaurant being so nice.

Allie and Doug walked and talked after dinner about their feelings for each other and what the future might bring. First, of course, was Doug’s graduation and then Allie’s graduation. She hoped eventually to go to grad school, being serious about writing. Even if they did get married it was a job she could do at home. She would make it flexible.

Doug’s arm around her shoulder felt good, protective. It was wonderful to have another person in her life. She had been remote for too long. Doug and God were now her life.




HEY! and don't forget to e-mail Charlotte Ann Zuzak if you have a comment!


zuz@zoominternet.net

Author's Note: Charlotte has a bachelor’s degree from Albion College and a master’s from the University of Michigan, both in foreign languages. In addition to writing, Charlotte enjoys a career as church organist and accompanist for voice students at Grove City College. At the moment she is also studying the Celtic harp. She and her husband, a retired college dean, travel extensively throughout western and eastern Europe. In July ’05 they traveled to Poland. They have a daughter who is an MD.

Charlotte’s travel plans for 2006 include Spain, Russia and Sicily. She taught Spanish on the high school and college level for thirty years before turning back to her original major, music.

Charlotte’s poetry and short stories have been published in The Storyteller, Apropos, Cochran’s Corner, Hidden Oak and several other publications.





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