Issue 14 or 95
Monday, July 8th, 1999
Read My Speech, and the Top 10's
Part 4 of 5 of the EB Gang Newsletter!
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The next two weeks were horrible for Paula, Jeff, and Poo. As for Ness, it was worse. Not only was he getting abused, his girlfriend was as well. Ness must've lost a piece of his mind in those two weeks. Paula was intentionally hit with shovels, face smashed into the dirt, and even got shot in the arm by her guard. At the end of those two weeks, Ness couldn't take it anymore. He had never seen Jeff or Poo, but word of mouth floated to him and Paula that Poo was tired, but nevertheless fine, and Jeff was on the verge of death. Ness lost it. And then, the guard did something that brought Ness to below zero tolerance.
The guard walked up to Ness and Paula, struck Paula with the butt of his rifle, and dragged Ness and an unconcious Paula to his cabin. There, he pulled out a switchblade and gave Paula smelling salts. "What...are you doing?" asked Paula, groggily. As the guard unzipped his pants, Ness knew exactly what was happening. Rape. That son of a bitch. Ness was so full of anger, he was suddenly able to concentrate. His hands were heating with PSI. The duct tape on his hands that was supposed to immobilize him melted. Ness, realizing this, said "Hey FUCKO!" The guard turned around, only to be dropkicked by Ness.
The guard grabbed his rifle, but when he turned around and fired, he semmingly vaporized. Suddenly, as if from out of the blue, "Over here, superstar!" The guard turned around and was hit with a burst of PSI Rockin. "Man, I forgot how GOOD that feels." The guard slowly got up, and Ness kicked him in the gut. His rifle fell loose and slid over to the door. Ness and the guard made a bid for the rifle. It was close, but Ness slid, grabbed the rifle, and shot him in the crotch. "In your next life," said Ness, "if you think with your dick, think about why you lost it in this one." Ness then shot the guard in the head.
Ness ran over to Paula, who was still very groggy. "You OK?" he asked. Paula realized what almost happened to her, and hugged Ness, crying. Ness hugged back. Then, they looked into each other's eyes, and they kissed. Suddenly, they heard screaming. "LET'S GO! WE GOTTA FIND JEFF AND POO, THEN WE GOTTA GET OUR WEAPONS AND FACE GODON." Ness and Paula busted the door open and rushed out of the cabin, where hundreds of guards confronted them.
"What's your next move, Ness?" asked Paula. "I can use PSI Rockin Omega, but that'll drain me completely." Ness suddenly realized a forgotten power. "Man, I feel STUPID." Ness concentrated and used PSI Hypnosis Omega. Soon, every guard was in a trance. Ness used the butt end of the guard's rifle to struck down anyone in their way. "OK, Paula," said Ness, "I need you to try and concentrate. I need you to use your PSI to find out where the head guard's office is." Paula tried as hard as she could. "I can't..." said Paula. "Well," said Ness, "this PSI trick I was working on might help." Ness stopped for a minute, and placed his hands on Paula's forehead. Suddenly, her mind cleared, and she was able to concentrate. "How did you do that?" asked Palua, as they continued their rush. "Your concussion back at Twoson helped," said Ness. Suddenly, the guards started coming out of their trance. "RUN!!!!" screamed Ness. He and Paula broke through the crowd, just as everyone came out of the trance. The whole squad turned to fire, but they already vanished.
Using Paula's PSI, Ness was able to locate the head guard's office. He and Paula broke through security by gunning the guards down, and then confronted the head guard. Ness pointed his rifle at the head guard and fiercely asked "Where's Jeff Andonuts and Poo Mishinta?" The head guard went for his rifle, but discovered, to his surprise, it wasn't there. "Looking for this rifle?" questioned Paula, holding the head guard's rifle to his head. "How did you--?" "Haven't you heard of telekinetics? Jeff Andonuts and Poo Mishinta. Dig them up, NOW." The head guard got to work. Sector 7A for Jeff, and Sector 2H for Poo." "For additional piece of mind, we want a map," said Paula. The guard shakily printed out a map. "Fuck you very much," said Ness, who spit on the guard and ran out.
Ness and Paula split up. He would get Jeff, she would get Poo. Ness found Jeff on his knees, hands behind his back. A guard held a rifle pointed at his head. Ness got behind a knoll of dirt, set the rifle on sharpshooter, and took aim. He noticed through the sniper scope that the guard was about to execute Jeff. He had to act fast. Ness took one lucky shot, and the guard was down. He set the rifle on normal, and ran over to Jeff, gun at the ready. He healed Jeff, grabbed him, and then ran.
Paula saw Poo working without complaint. She ran over to him. "Paula?" asked Poo. "Yeah. Let's go, before the guard takes notice." Suddenly, the guard started shouting at Paula and Poo, then ran after them, a rifle in hand. "SHIT! Let's get out of here!" Paula and Poo rushed out of the sector. They were far ahead, but still in the guard's sight. Poo shoved Paula into a hiding place, and convinced a prisioner to distract the guard giving chase. During the time the guard was distracted, Poo mirrored another guard, grabbed Paula, told her it was him, and then confronted the guard.
"You got the girl?"
"Yeah. I ran a check. Belongs to sector 1A."
"What about that Dalaamese kid?"
"Lost him."
"Man, the head guard's gonna be pissed."
"The head guard's a pussy. This feisty little one has his rifle. And it turned out to be a dud!"
"No way, really?"
"Yeah! Can you fucking believe it?"
"No...but we still have to worry about Godon."
"He doesn't have to know. Once the head guard finds out, we'll blackmail him. Then, while everyone's sleeping, we'll bail this joint."
"You're right! Good plan, man."
"Thanks. Now, if I may, I'm taking this prisoner back."
"What are you gonna do with her?"
"What else? Beat the shit outta her."
"Yeah...all right. Take care."
"You too."
Poo left the area, and headed towards the front door with Paula in hand. There, the gang would reunite, escape, get their weapons, then come back and exterminate Godon.
Paula and Poo, still in disguise, came to the front door and met Ness and Jeff. Unfortuneately, they also met a wall of guards. Poo had passed sector 1A, so he knew he was caught. He quit mirroring. Suddenly, a new delivery arrived, just as the guards were about to lead Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo back to their sectors. "Wait a minute..." thought Jeff, "That's Max's Viper..." The man got out of the transport car, opened the trunk, and opened the lone crate inside. Suddenly, Tracy popped out with the Baddest Gaia beam in hand. She shot down the guards. Then, the transporter revealed himself as Jack. He grabbed some sort of rifle and started picking off any guards that came near the four.
"I thought it was against your religion to take a life!" said Ness. "Don't you know that's the universal pussy excuse?" said Jack, "Me and Tracy will cover your exit. In the meantime..." Tracy finished "Special delivery from Escargo Express!" As Jack covered her, Tracy tossed Ness his Gutsy Bat, Paula her Holy Frying Pan, Jeff his Baddest Gaia Beam and his so-called GadgetPak, and Poo his Sword of Kings. Jack tossed Tracy a second rifle, and then told everyone that their clothes were in the car. Ness, Paula, Jeff and Poo got into the car, changed up, got out, and ran into the fryer. "Uhm, Jack?" asked Tracy, "What happens when we run out?" "We don't. Specially made by Dr. Andonuts. These shots are pure energy. The battery never runs out." "Sweet. Let's kick some more ass."
Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo made their way through the crowd, destroying any guard in their path. A full alert was launched. Ness put up an Omega Sheild around everyone and finally found the core, where Godon ran his operation. Suddenly, Godon appeared from the roof, and threw his long sickle staff at Ness. The pointy side broke through the sheild, and landed in Ness' thigh. He cried in anguish, and then collapsed. He was still conscious, so he motioned over Paula, Jeff, and Poo as Godon formed a new sickle staff. "I'll make it. Poo, pull the sickle staff out." Poo did so. Ness telepathed Tony.
Tony, are there any bandage wraps in Jeff's GadgetPak? asked Ness. Yeah. It's in the medical compartment. "Check the medical compartment of your GadgetPak for bandage wraps," Ness told Jeff. Jeff found the wraps. "Here," said Jeff, who handed the bandage wrap to Ness. He wrapped his wound and said "Leave that sickle staff here, so I can fend off anyone else that wants some, and face Godon." Everyone nodded and quickly ran into the core to face Godon, leaving Ness and his plan behind.
Paula, Jeff, and Poo reached the top of the core where Godon awaited. "Close your eyes..." said Poo, "He took his mask off. Jeff, give me your bandage wrap." Jeff gave Poo the bandage wrap and closed his eyes, and Godon turned around to reveal his face. Poo quickly acted and used Mental Metamorphisis, the type of mirror technique he learned from his master in Onett. He thought like the leapord, and suddenly, in his mind, he was the leapord. He moved around Godon, and bandage wrapped his face. Then, he returned to normal and sealed the bandage wrap with PSI Freeze. "OK," said Poo, "He's covered and he ain't getting uncovered. You can open your eyes!" Everyone opened their eyes, and Paula was the first to attack. Godon, who could see despite the bandage wrap, blocked with the staff part of his sickle staff. "I can do that too!" said Poo, who dived low, narrowly missed Godon stabbing him, and sliced Godon's hand off. It quickly regenerated with his black energy. Jeff figured it out right then and there. "He's weak against light attacks! PSI Flash'll help!" he said to Paula and Poo. "I wasted my last bit on sealing Godon's bandage cover!" said Poo. "Here," said Paula, tossing Poo a Magic Tart, "Make this one count!" Paula then started praying for light energy. 50% of the time, she got it, but only the dazzling light, which she rarely got, damaged him noticably. The same for Poo, who kept using PSI Flash until it tired out. "We need Ness," thought Paula aloud, "I think if we can somehow get mix that light energy with the dark energy...". She telepathed him.
"Ness," said Paula, "please, pull yourself together. We need you now! Charge that sickle staff with PSI Flash energy. It's a technique I've been practicing for a while." "Explain," said Ness. Paula told Ness how to do it. Ness followed her directions, and then asked Paula to lure Godon so he had a clear shot at him. Then, Ness started climbing the core tower, using the glowing sickle staff as a second leg. "Hurry Ness..." thought Paula. Suddenly, Godon knocked nearly knocked her off the core. Paula was holding on to the edge, knowing if she let go, it would be an 8 story drop to the bottom. Godon's finger charged with black energy. Suddenly, inches from the touch of death, the sharp point of a glowing sickle staff went right into Godon's face. Ness turned him around, looked into it's bleeding face, screamed "FUCK YOU AND GOOD RIDDENCE, SHITHEAD," and tossed it off. Godon fell 8 stories, and hit the bottom hard.
For five whole minutes, it's body emmited black energy, as the bandages that kept Godon from using his look of death turned completely black, and when the glowing sickle staff evaporated, it gushed black blood.
When he was done, Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo crowded around him. In shaky words, it said "Who are you?" Ness couldn't resist. He took a line from a magazine ad he saw, and said "I'm the good and the bad. You're just ugly." "And you shall be ugly," said Godon, "when the 10th minute strikes, you will burn in Hell." He directed the four to the core, and then disappeared in a blanket of hellfire and brimstone. A little door popped open on the core, and as Ness, Paula, and Poo were celebrating, Jeff went to check on the panel. There was a timer, and it read 9:30. Then 9:29, 9:28, 9:27, 9:26, etc., etc., etc... "Holy shit...THIS CORE'S ONE BIG BOMB! RUUUUUUUUN!"
Ness ran inside and found a guard at a type of PA system. "Tell everyone to evacuate," said Ness. "Who the fuck are you?" fiercely inquisited the guard. "DO AS I SAY OR I'LL KNOCK YOUR HEAD OFF SO HARD THAT THEY'LL USE IT AS A SOCCER BALL IN ENGLAND," screamed Ness, showcasing his baseball bat. The guard made the announcement. Then Ness told him to get out too. As he left the core, he made another pass at the timer. 8:30, 8:29, 8:28, 8:27...
Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo made it to the exit, got into the car, and told Jack and Tracy to get in. Jeff jumped into the driver's seat, and drove out quickly after clearing a large tunnel. "Clear Fourside," said Paula, "There's gonna be an earthquake caused by that explosion!" Jeff headed for the Fourside Tunnel, and when they reached the bridge, they slowed to a halt.
"Jeff, go! What are you waiting for? We have three minutes to get out!" "I'm out of fuel," said Jeff, "We'll have to run for it." "I thought you just filled it, Jack!" said Paula. "This is like a 7.7 L engine," said Jeff, "It consumes fuel like a bitch." "Dr. Andonuts gave us some special fuel for this car," said Jack, "It's in the trunk." "We have time to fill it, but what if we don't make it?" asked Tracy. "I'll stay behind," said Ness, "You guys go, I can make it." "Ness, no," screamed Paula, "It's only a stupid car." "If Max's Viper is wrecked," said Ness, "Jeff may be screwed out of it again." "Thanks, man," said Jeff, "But you don't have to--" Ness inturrupted "That's what friends are for. GO! We're down to two minutes!" Jeff stayed to pop open the trunk and get the fuel. "Before you go," said Ness, "If I don't make it, tell my Mom I love her and I'm sorry I broke my promise." "I will," said Jeff. Then he ran. Ness opened the fuel door, and started filling the tank. He had a minute left when it was finally filled. He got into the car, and for some reason, it started stalling. With 15 seconds to go, it sprung to life. He started racing out. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...and then, the earthquake happened.
About an hour later, Anna Franklin was crying in her home. Apparently, Paula told her all about what had happened. She got up to the point where the car got stuck without fuel on the bridge, then had to suddenly make a phone call. Then, Anna turned on the news while Paula was making the call, and found that the "earthquake" was plastered all over the news. The reporter said that one unidentified man, 18 years of age, was killed when his Dodge Viper was shaken off of the bridge. Paula couldn't comfort her. She couldn't even tell her the rest of the story. Suddenly, they heard the sound of keys jingling. The door opened, and Ness walked through the doorway. Anna ran to Ness and hugged him. "Hey, ma..." he said. "I'm so glad you're back..." said Anna. "A promise is a promise..." responded Ness, "What is that on the news?" He saw the rest of the news report. "The Viper that was shaken off the bridge was reported stolen, it is currently being lifted out of the Fourside Bay." Ness smiled and said "Guess that shook you up a little...listen, pay some gratitude to Tracy. I wouldn't even be here if it weren't for her." "I understand," said Anna, who still had tears coming out of her eyes. "C'mon," said Ness, "I'll cook some food. In the meantime, forget this nonsense. The Super Mario Super Show is on The Classix Channel right now. Watch that and unwind." "I always wondered what made that show so good..." said Anna.
A week later, Ness and Paula were walking on the beach. Tomorrow they would be off to seprate colleges, so they just went to rekindle old times. Suddenly, someone bumped up against Paula. He apologized and sped off, laughing. "That guy must have been a pickpocket," said Paula. "There's only one way to find out," said Ness. Paula reached into her pocket and found that there was more there rather than less. She pulled out the extra thing she got, and found a small case. It said "To Paula, love Ness." She opened the case, and found a beautiful ring. it secured a little piece of paper. She took out the paper and opened it. It read "Marry me Paula." She screamed in delight and hugged Ness. Then, a funny expression crossed her face. "What's wrong," asked Ness, "that sounded like a yes..." "It's just that we're off to college tomorrow. We can't get hitched for four years." "Exactly," said Ness, "so we'll stay engaged for the four years, plan our wedding over the time off we have, and when we get out, we wrap up any loose ends and--" "Get married," finished Paula. She kissed Ness excitedly. "C'mon," said Ness, "I already have an engagement gift." He pulled out two front row tickets to that night's Aerosmith concert at the Summers Memorial Stadium. "Starts in five minutes. Wanna go?" "Sure," said Paula. The couple then headed to the stadium, never feeling more alive and in love.
-Jeff graduated from the Snow Wood Boarding School two weeks after the war with Godon. He now lives in an apartment in New York City and is one of the world's most brilliant scientists.
-Poo was crowned king of Dalaam when he returned. Since Poo was crowned, he has dropped the crime rate to an all time low, and is making a bid to enter the United Nations.
-Very few people have recollection of the concentration camp set up by Godon. Those that don't recall it ever found out that its destruction caused the "Great Fourside Earthquake".
-The "Great Fourside Earthquake" caused very little damage. However, it has scared construction workers and designers to build sturdier buildings with the help of Jeff.
-Ness and Paula did get married, and earlier than expected as it seemed. That's a whole other story, though.
-Ness later found out that the guard that assulted and attempted to rape Paula was none other than Pokey Minch. He investigated how and why he lived after he shot him in the head. He eventually found out, but that's also another story.
Written by: IHIEAD.