The Difference Between Love and Hate- Part 13 I suddenly wanted to scream at her, to tell her to make a snap decision for once. But then I realized two things: if she made a snap decision, she wouldn't know how she really felt and probably had good reason for not making hasty decisions anyway.
So I sighed and, knowing it'd take her a while to think everything over, changed my clothes for bed. Then I knocked on the door that joined my room to Brian's. It was opened a second later by Nick. I stared at him for a minute.
"Kev," he started softly. I cleared my throat.
"Tell Brian he can turn the music off now."
Nick nodded slowly, looking pained.
"'Night," I murmured, walking away from the door. I heard Nick sigh, then he closed the door.
I sighed again and turned off all the lights in the room, except for the bathroom one, for Mary, and got into bed.
"Damn you, Brian," I muttered. He'd cut the music off, but now I had the song stuck in my head. I turned over onto my stomach and pulled the pillow over my head.

Me
I sat down in the hallway, down towards the window near the end, away from Matt, Jeremy and Ricky. I rolled the can of Pepsi between my hands and stared at the floor. Damn it...
I heard a door open and looked up. Howie was coming out of his room, looking at something in his hands.
"Hey, D," I murmured. He looked at me, slightly surprised.
"Hey, Mary, what are you doing out here?"
"Thinking."
"Wouldn't it be better to do that in your room?" He sat down beside me anyway. "I mean, it's not the best thing to do, even with these guys."
I smiled slightly, despite myself.
"Ah, these guys'll protect me."
Ricky, being the only one who heard me, smiled.
"So, why are you out here?"
"Thinking," I said again.
"We've established that. About what?"
"Kevin."
"And...?"
"He told me he was in love with me."
"So what are you doing out here? You should be in there with him."
"Why should I be in there? Why do you think I'm out here? I don't know how I feel..."
"How did you feel about him before he told you?"
"Well, I loved him before, like a best friend. But now I'm confused..."
"Think about this: when you leave, how are you gonna feel?"
"I'm gonna miss you all... him the most."
"How much?"
I didn't answer him, just stared at my soda can. He'd made a point, even without fully intending to.
"Mary?" Howie said softly after a minute, looking at me. I looked back at him.
"Thanks, D," I murmured. He looked at me quizzically as we stood up.
"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?" I kissed his cheek lightly and went back to my room. I opened the door slowly and stepped into the dark room.
By the light from the bathroom, I could tell Kevin was asleep. I was reminded of the first time we'd stayed in a hotel, me and Kev.
I stared at him for a while, watching the steady rise and fall of his solid chest. His face was expressionless. I was a little surprised to see my candle still burning, though it was burned down more than halfway. There was a pool of interestingly shaped light purple wax around the base of the candle, cooled, though more dripped slowly, adding to it. I stared at that for a while, then shook my head. I got the feeling I was thinking too much.
I quietly got ready for bed, blowing the candle out. The shadows left Kevin's face as he continued sleeping.
I crawled into bed, pulling the covers up to my chest. The large comforter applied some pressure to me. I enjoyed the heaviness; it felt more secure to me.
I fell asleep after a while, my back to Kevin.