Me
I got in the shower, thinking about Kevin. He'd been looking at me the strangest way; he'd almost looked scared. I shook my head. I had other things to think about. Like how to tell Kevin about the results of last night's thought process.

Nick
I stared at the letter that was lying on the night table. It was written in Brian's handwriting, with my signature at the bottom.
"Brian?"
"Yeah?" He pulled his shirt over his head and looked at me.
"Could you give the letter to her?"
"Damn it, Nick, I'm not gonna do everything for you. Give her the letter yourself."
"But she'll probably kill me..."
"Good Lord." He picked up the latter, folded it over a few times, and wrote Mary's name on the front of it. Then he handed it to me.
"Hold on." He went to the door that joined our room to her's, and knocked. The door opened after a minute and I saw Brian smile.
"Hey, Mary," he said, stepping into her room. I could hear him talking to her, but couldn't tell what he was saying. From the tone of their voices, I could tell she was trying to argue with him and he was trying to talk her down.
"Just listen... he has to say," I heard him say. Mary sighed, I guessed relenting.
Brian came back in the room.
"Get your ass in there, talk to her, try not to piss her off, and don't forget to give her the letter."
I nodded and headed into her room, closing the door.
"Hey, Mary."
She grunted, her back to me.
"Where's Kev?"
"Why do you care?" She picked up a book and a small bag from the dresser and placed them in her larger bag, glancing up at me.
"Mary, can I just talk to you?"
"You want to talk to me? That's a shocker."
"I don't want to fight with you. I'm sick of fighting with you."
She stopped in the middle of the room and looked at me.
"You don't want to fight, then, Nick, just leave. I'm to the point where you just being in the room is enough to piss me off. I don't want to talk to you."
"Fine. Just read this, okay?" I tossed the letter on her bed and left the room.
Brian looked up at me when I came back in.
"That was fast. What'd she say?"
"She told me to get out."
"She said she'd talk to you."
I shrugged my shoulders. He sighed and stood up.

Me
I stared at the letter lying on my bed. Then I sighed and tossed it in my backpack. I'd read it on the plane.
I heard a door open and looked up. Brian was coming in the room, giving me a look.
"You said you'd talk to him."
"I said I'd try. I tried, Brian. I couldn't."
"Why not?"
"You don't understand how much I hate him. No matter how hard he tries, he can't take back all the shit he's done and said to me. If I ever did decide to forgive him, it's not gonna be just like that."
He stared at me. "Fine. Whatever. But be sure you read that damn letter. It took a lot for him to say what he did."
I looked at him curiously. He raised an eyebrow.
"See, now you're interested. Don't read it 'til you're on the plane." He turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.
I sighed and zipped my bag. Kevin came in and looked at me.
"You ready?"
I nodded. "Yeah, I guess." I put my backpack on and reached for my bag. Kevin snatched it up and I looked at him, slightly startled. He smiled at me and I relaxed.
Out in the hallway were AJ and Howie and their bodyguards. I hugged them all, AJ the last. As I was pulling away from him, Brian came out of his room and looked at me, his arms crossed over his chest. He and I looked at each other for a minute, then slowly he smiled.
"C'mere," he murmured, and we hugged. For a brief minute, I felt like some little girl going off to camp or something. I dismissed the feeling and stepped into the elevator with Kev. I was already starting to miss them all. I had that feeling I got when I missed someone: my stomach and throat hurt, and I felt like crying, though the tears never came. I felt that way when I missed Tiffany, except the pain was usually ten times worse, and I usually did cry. I'd used to think that when someone went away, that was the worst I missed anyone. But after Tiffany died, I realized those times were insignificant. I'd never missed anyone as much as I missed her; not even Morgon, and that made me feel terrible.
"Mary?"
I blinked, startled, and looked at Kev.
"What?"
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, why?"
"All that stuff you were saying..."
"I was saying something?"
"Yeah, you were talking about missing Tiffany and the difference between that and the way you normally miss people..."
"Oh, God, I said all that out loud?"
"Yeah, I thought you were talking to me."
"Jesus... I guess I was thinking out loud."
Kevin smiled gently. "Very insightful."
The drive to the airport was silent, me thinking and missing the guys, Kevin just driving.
When we got there, I checked my bag and headed for the gate. I had about fifteen minutes. Now was the time.
"Kev," I said, turning to face him. "I've thought hard about everything you said last night. I even had some help from Howie. I don't love you, not the way you love me." Being blunt was the best way for me to tell him.
"But you're one of the best friends I've ever had, and I do mean that."
"But not as good as Tiffany," he said softly, staring at me. His eyes were filling with tears and I began to feel bad about doing this, but I had to tell him the truth.
"No, Kev, you're just as good a friend as she was. And I mean that, too."
"But you and I..."
"There's no 'you and I', at least not right now. Maybe somewhere down the road."
"Well," he said softly, trying to control himself. "I guess this is goodbye."
I shook my head. "Not goodbye. Goodbye means you'll never see each other again. I know I'll see you again. This is see you later."
He nodded, smiling slightly. "I'll see you later then."
I nodded. "Yep." Then I hugged him tightly, knowing I was getting ready to cry.
"I am gonna miss you, though," I whispered. I felt him nod.
"Ditto."
My flight was called and we parted slowly. I picked up my backpack and looked at Kevin, sniffling.
"I'll see you later."
He nodded. I guessed he was to the point where if he said anything, he'd break down.
So I boarded the plane, glancing back at him once. He waved, trying to smile, but I could see the tears on his cheeks.
When I was in my seat, I turned towards the window and looked out. I saw him leaning against the ledge just under the window. I didn't know if he could see me, so I waved. He waved back and I smiled, settling back in my seat.
Once we were in the air, I remembered Nick's letter, so I unbuckled my seat belt and reached for my backpack. I rooted around in there for a while and finally pulled it out. When I unfolded it, I immediately noticed it was in Brian's handwriting. At least I could read it.

Dear Mary,
I'm having Brian write this, so you can read it, cause I really want you to know this. After I saw how upset you were last night, I kinda began to feel bad. So I'm gonna say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did to you, and everything I said, especially about Tiffany. I'm really sure she was a great friend. I'm putting this in a letter because I know you wouldn't listen to me if I tried to talk to you. Hell, you'd probably hit me again, not that I don't deserve it. So in a word- wait, I guess it's a phrase... I'm really, truly, sincerely sorry for everything. You don't have to forgive me, I just wanted you to know.
Nick

I stared at it and reread it over and over. I pulled my feet up onto the seat and continued to stare at the letter.
Finally, I folded it back up and dropped it back in my bag, pulling my CD player out. I didn't feel like dealing with the letter, or Nick, right now.
I put my Coyote Ugly soundtrack in and put it on track two, "Please Remember." The song seemed to fit my mood perfectly. I thought about shopping with AJ and playing basketball with Brian when there was a court near a hotel or a venue and just being with Kevin... shit, I was fucked up.

When I finally landed in Jacksonville, Morgona was waiting for me. I smiled and hugged her, hating how forced my smile felt. Behind her, I noticed a tall dark haired man watching us.
I pulled away from her and looked at him.
"Is this Max?"
Morgon nodded and took his hand. She was dating him, she'd told me over the phone.
I smiled and shook his free hand. He was cute, but I certainly wasn't interested in him.
"You're prettier in person," he said with a smirk. I raised an eyebrow at him. Cocky little shit, I could tell already. He made me uncomfortable. Of course, I was also bad at first impressions. If Morgon liked him he must've been okay.
On the way to the baggage claim, Morgon was between Max and me.
"Did you and Kev part on good terms? What'd you tell him?"
"Yeah, we're cool." I was downplaying. I didn't want to tell her everything in front of Max.
I sighed, wishing I was back with the guys.
"You miss 'em, don't you?" she murmured. I nodded.
"Yeah."
She grinned. "Even Nick?"
I laughed and nodded. "Even Nick."
"I knew you would."
I gave her a look and she laughed.

Kevin
I drove back to the hotel, lost in my own thoughts, the radio on.
A low giggle drew my attention to the radio.
"Yo, guess what... I don't care." It was Mary's new song.
Damn it, I missed her so much already. I'd give anything to see her again, especially if she was fighting with Nick. Then she'd hit him. That was always amusing to see.
But just being with her was what I really liked. With her gone and me having no idea when and if I would really see her again, I'd either die or lose my mind. I guessed losing my mind was preferable over death.
I was still thinking about the death to insanity thing when I got back to the hotel and to my room.

Brian
I heard the door to Kevin's room shut and I stood up. Nick was sleeping, his glasses on. He'd been reading. I'd taken the book from him a long time ago.
I opened the door to Kevin's room and walked in.
"Hey, Kev," I said softly, closing the door quietly. He looked up.
"Hey."
"She left?"
He nodded. I sat down on the bed across from him and looked at him.
"What'd she say?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "She loved me like a best friend, but nothing more. She said 'see you later' instead of goodbye."
"You'll see her again, Kev. You were gonna do some stuff with her on her next album, right?"
He nodded. "Yeah..."
"You're not gonna change your mind, are you?"
He shrugged his shoulders again.
"C'mon, Kev, it's just about the only time you'll see her, aside from Jive parties, and she's almost always a no show for those. She does the Interscope, Columbia and Bad Boy record parties. And unless one of you asks the other out, recording together is your best bet."
"I guess."
I sighed and looked at the night table. A half melted candle was there.
"What's that?"
He looked at it and smiled slightly, picking it up (more like peeling it) off the table.
"Mary left her candle here."
I stared at him as he looked at the candle. Whatever made him happy.

Part 15
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