Only In America

ONLY IN AMERICA

We yell for the Government to balance the budget,

Then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car.

We whip the enemy in battle,

Then give them the shirt off our backs.

We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving,

Then won't buy a car if it can't go over 100 miles an hour.

Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education,

Then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending three billion dollars a year for cigarettes.

We know the line-up of every baseball team in the American and National Leagues,

But don't know half the words in the "Star Spangled Banner".

We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer,

Then drive 90 miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.

We tie up our dog,

But let our sixteen year old children run wild.

We will work hard on a farm
So we can move into town,
Where we can make more money,
So we can move back to the farm.

In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing,

But when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.

We're the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world

And more diets to keep us from eating it.

We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power

Up with our yearning power.

We're supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on earth,

But we still can't deliver payrolls without an armored car.

We have more experts on marriage than any other country in the world

And STILL have more divorces.

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