JOHNNY Q
1/18/63 ~ D-DAY, 2003
ONLY 40 YEARS YOUNG

BOY IN JUST 40 SHORT YRS IT IS AMAZING ALL YOU ACCOMPLISHED,
MORE THAN 1000 PEOPLE WOULD ACCOMPLISH IN A LIFETIME...
UNFORTUNATELY YOU DIDN'T HAVE FAITH OR CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF...
OR THOSE AROUND YOU THAT LOVED YOU SO... ME AND THE CHILDREN
ESPECIALLY...THE TWINS I DON'T THINK HAVE A CLUE YET, I
WONDER WHEN AND HOW HARD THIS WILL HIT THEM OR IF THEY WILL
GROW INTO IT...THEY ARE TOO YOUNG RIGHT NOW...BUT THEY WILL
KNOW YOU IN DEATH AS WE KNEW YOU IN LIFE...NOT FOR HOW
YOU DIED...AND ALYSSAMARIE IS STRUGGLING SOOOOO...
I KNOW YOU NEVER WANTED THAT...I WILL NOT GIVE UP ON HER...
SHE IS YOU IN MANY WAYS... BEAUTIFUL... SENSITIVE...
SMART...AND THOSE BLUE EYES... TALL...ATHLETIC...
LOVES THE OUTDOORS...THE WATER...SHE DEFINITELY DIDN'T GET
THOSE THINGS FROM ME...AT TIMES I FEEL GUILTY FOR ALL MY ENERGY
GOES TO HER...BUT YOU'D BE PROUD OF ALL 3 OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL
GIFTS FROM GOD...THEY ARE DOING WONDERFUL...I WON'T USE
ALL THE CLICHE'S OF "I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND..." I AM SOOOO
TRYING TO UNDERSTAND...I WANT TO BE ANGRY AT YOU, BUT I CAN'T...
MY LOVE ALWAYS WAS AND ALWAYS WILL BE UNCONDITIONAL...
BUT YOUR LOSS IS LIKE A PUZZLE WITH SEVERAL PIECES MISSING!!!!
I GUESS I WON'T FIND THEM UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN IN HEAVEN SOMEDAY...
I DON'T BELIEVE YOU WANTED TO DIE...FOR I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU
LOVED US...AND WORRIED ABOUT US...YOU WERE THE BEST FATHER,
LOVER, FRIEND, MY SOULMATE...I KNOW I HAVE TO FUNCTION FOR
THE KIDS...BUT I AM SO LOST WITHOUT YOU...YOU WERE
DEFINITELY THE BRAINS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP...WHAT HAPPENED????
I HAVE MY THEORIES...I KNOW YOU WERE IN PAIN, MAJOR PAIN...
AND DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO LIVE ANYMORE...YOUR QUALITY OF
LIFE HAD ENDED MANY YEARS EARLIER...NATURAL CIRCLE OF
LIFE I COULD HANDLE...THIS NONE OF US DESERVES...
HINDSIGHT IS 20/20...I SEE EVERYTHING MUCH MORE CLEARLY NOW...
I THOUGHT I NEW...I THOUGHT I UNDERSTOOD...I TRIED TO TAKE
CARE OF YOU THE BEST I COULD...I TRIED TO TELL YOUR FAMILY...
BUT THEY DID NOTHING...AND NOW AFTER YOUR DEATH...
THEY STILL CONTINUE TO DO NOTHING...WHAT A LOSS ON THEIR PART...
BUT THAT IS THEIR M.O...THEY ARE SO MUCH SICKER THAN YOU EVER
WERE AND YOU ARE THE ONE DEAD...YOUR PHOTOS SPEAK TO ME...
I CAN'T STOP REPLAYING THAT HORRIBLE MOMENT WHEN I FOUND YOU...
AND I THANK GOD YOU WERE GUIDING US EVEN THEN...
AND ALYSSAMARIE DIDN'T FIND YOU FIRST...NO SENSE...
THIS MAKES NO SENSE...BUT I WILL HOLD ON TO THE 24 YEARS OF
MEMORIES...AND I THANK GOD EACH DAY THAT I HAVE THOSE TO HOLD
ON TO..."IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST...
THEN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL..."  I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING
YOU...IF IT'S POSSIBLE I LOVE YOU MORE TODAY THAN THE DAY
I LAID EYES ON YOU IN THE DELI IN 1979...GIVE US ALL STRENGTH
TO CARRY ON THIS "LONG AND WINDING ROAD!"  WE PRAY FOR
YOUR PEACE AND RELIEF OF PAIN...AND HAPPINESS WITH GOD...
FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS...
MQ, AQ, JCQ, BQ, & ALL THE FAMILY

PS KEEP SENDING FEATHERS, DIMES (10'S),
AND FLICKERING THOSE LIGHTS...