by Adam Grimm
Okay. There is this guy named Jed. Jed O’Ped. He is this guy who is spiffy. One day Jed
O’Ped was walking home from Neighboorville (Motto: Where the horses make
uninteresting sounds) when he saw this light. It was a black light. He could see it cause it
was day... and you know, black stands out when it is day and stuff. The light was on the
sidewalk. It looked like a button. A black lgith button thing. He pressed it. He pressed it
with great strentgh and all that good stuff (Jed took a st4eroid once when he was six, and
now that is paying off). The light kinda looked at him funny and said “NOT A BUTTON”
Jed was like “waht does that mean? not a button? hmmmmm... maybe he means it isnt
button........ and maybe..... IT IS!” So he pressed it a couple more times and laughed and
laughed and laughed.
After he had finished laughing (this is tlike the next day oir so) he said... somehting
unimportant about wheather and ducks and el ninny. He then went to his house and
realized it wasnt his house. It was a really big stuffed animal/ Jed O’Ped thought to
himself “Hey I guess you couldnt get cornered in teh Oval Office!” and then it hit him.
This ball right out of left field just WHAM! right on the noggin.
Will Jed wake up? Will he have amnesia and will then another WHAM! on the head cure
him? And what about the cast member with an uncurable disease that is in a coma (the
disease, not the cast member) NOT TO MENTION
FRANCISCA-MOTESKA-LOJESKA-IN-A-GODDA-DOVIDA-JESS-MARIANNA-RUTH-
JANE-FRANCIS!
Jed didn't wake up. Instead, he just kinda layed there until his legs got him up. Jed was now a zombie. An undead zombie (undead because, no, he wasn't dead) He wenty to the store and bought some human flesh. But lo and behold he didn't really like human flesh. So he used it to line his ibirdcage/ Well, he wouldhave if he had had one. Instead he just kinda threw it towards some kid in the park who used it for his skin graft operation. The skin graft operation failed, and the boy sought vengence on Jed. Unfortunately, he didn't know who Jed was, so he radomly killed pigeons in the park.. Meanwhile Jed went and listened to a German song. The pigeons like German and attacked Jed, because the song was THEIRS, and he had no right to listen in. The boy, who was killing the pigeons laughed and laughed and laughed until he too fell in a hole. And he never came back.
Jed... he unzomibie-fied and went to the mall and bought another arm. His other arm was busy being sub-nifty. Sub-Niftyness was not an option. And Jed was sub-nifty, so he wasn't an option. ummmmm yeah. Fortunately, Hagar O'Lagar (pronuced Core O'More) went and ... fell in the whole. There wqas cheese down there, and he began to suffocate. Fortunately... cheeese didnt know about the Whole Sort of General Mich-Mash and got mashed into mashed cheese. Mashed cheese fell into the hole as well and it was CA-RAZY! Jed said "If it was swiss cheese, it would be 'Holy'!" but then he realized that if his bank acccount was Swiss, he couldnt access the money. He cried like a baby that didnt cry. You figure it out.
And then some.