Once there was a boy named Robert

Who met a girl named Julie

They looked into each others’ eyes

And fell in love quite truly

Their affection was an important thing

Which they did not conceal

They held hands everywhere they went

And kisses they would steal

But then one fateful day in school

After an ordinary math class

The teacher caught ‘em smoochin’ in the hall

And decided not to let it pass

“Inappropriate!” screamed the teacher

“There will be no holding hands,”

And her face grew red and her eyes wild

As she spewed forth more demands

She screeched loudly and with much glee

Banning every passionate embrace

And she cackled as she went on

And got spittle on her face

So Robert and Julie were quite sad

But tried their hardest to be good

They didn’t hug or kiss or anything

They did exactly as they should

For a week this agony went on

Each just out of the other’s reach

Until finally they broke down

kissing in the bathroom, the rules were breached

It was all too sad, however

That the teacher was in a stall

She emerged at first quite calmly

Then went to get her maul

Robert and Julie never saw it coming

Until it was already too late

They were both knocked unconscious

By a woman quite irate

Hours later, in the principal’s office

They awoke to angry shouts

The principal was angry

About that there were no doubts

Policemen came in and handcuffed them

And they were taken to the police van

Where they were interrogated thoroughly

By an unruly policeman

And they were taken to the station

And thrown into a jail cell

Until their trial the next day

Supervised by military personnel

The next day in court

The judge yelled at them

And asked them why they did it

Silently preparing to condemn

“Holding hands in class,” he said

“is inappropriate and wrong!”

“You’re horrible horrible children

and you’ll regret this when you’re gone”

It was then that the bailiff saw it

With his watchful eye

They were holding hands under the table!

The judge said “My oh my”

And they were dragged back to their jail cell

And beaten black and blue

And the judge decided that night

That this just would not do

So the next day in court

The judge proclaimed their sentence

“The death penalty!” he said angrily

There was no time left for repentance

So they marched the two of them

Right to the electric chair

And they went with her sitting on his lap

The world tried to forget they had been there

And they went up to the pearly gates

Robert knew God would understand

How could loving a girl be so wrong?

He wondered how this could have been planned

They saw God and started to tell him

About the horrible injustice they’d been done

But God said “No. It’s inappropriate.

You guys may not have fun.”

And then God paused, and their future was unclear

But suddenly downward they fell

And it was all too certain

They were doomed to go to Hell

Boiling lava, molten rock

It didn’t look so great

But they landed on cold stone

And Robert exclaimed “Wait!”

“Look around, Julie! Do you see

There are people in these lands!”

There were couples everywhere

And every one of them was holding hands