Yuffie and Tifa are taking a nice relaxing walk when Cloud appears.
Cloud-Hello, I'm Cloud Strife, and I'm a very sexy, famous and important person.
Tifa-Oh Cloud! (Faints)
Cloud-Is she okay?
Yuffie-No, like, I think she's like, dead. Or something.
Cloud-Okay. (Walks away)
Yuffie- Thanks, like, so much. GAWD! Like, totally.
Cloud- (Out of sight) Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!(Removes mask(Is Sephiroth))
At a nearby phonebox...
Phone-Hello, county morgue and crematorium, you kill em' we grill em'!
Yuffie-Hi, like, I've got a friend like, with me. And she's like, dead. Will you like, pick her like, up before she like, stinks up the street? Like great. Bye! Totally.
7 minutes later...
Morgue guy-Yup, she's dead alright. Get a body bag, mother.
Yuffie-Mother?(Yuffie said a sentence without like in it!!!!! Hurrah and Huzzah!)
Mortician-Did I say mother? Er, I meant Sheridan P. Green IV. Put her in a body bag, Sheridan P. Green IV.
"Sherida P. Green IV"-(Stuffs Tifa in a body bag)
Tifa-Ouch! That hurt!
Yuffie-Like, what was that?
Morgue guy-Must have been an insect.Put her in the van, Sheridan P. Green IV.
Tifa-(muffled) Ow! Let me go! I'll sue!
Morgue guy-Okay, let's go. Bye Mo- I mean Sheridan P. Green IV. (He drives off, leaving Sheridan P. Green behind for some odd reason.)
Yuffie-Well like, that was a like, interesting turn of events. (Carries on walking)
At the morgue
Morgue assistant who is not Sheridan P. Green IV-Er, boss, this one's still moving.
Morgue guy-Oh, dead bodies sometimes do that. (Hits Tifa over the head with a spade)
Tifa-$%^!
Morgue assistant who is not Sheridan P. Green IV-My shift's over now boss. Can I go?
Morgue guy-Sure, close the door behind you as you leave.
Morgue assistant who is not Sheridan P. Green IV-(leaves)
Morgue guy-HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!! (Removes mask. Is in fact, Sephiroth (Duh!)) (He holds up a syringe.) With this zombie formula I will rule mankind! Then the world's supply of donuts and Hello Kitty merchandise will be mine! (Opens a drawer at random and injects a dead body)
Zombie-Brains!
Tifa-Let me out! (Bangs on drawer)
Sephiroth- AHA! Tifa! You will be the first of
Cloud's friends to suffer! (Opens Tifa's body bag)
Tifa-About ti- AAAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Sephiroth-What's the matter, never seen a zombie before?
Tifa-No, but your fly's undone, and it's quite obvious that you're not wearing any underwear. PERVERT!(Runs screaming from the building)
Sephiroth-Curses. Follow her!
Zombie-(Staggers out the door)
The next day...
Cid-Brains...
Red-Huh? He's gone off soup!
News announcer-News just in-Heinz and Cup-a-soup have just gone out of business!
Cid-Brains!
Jenova-Sephiroth? SEPHIROTH! Where is that lazy son of mine? You there, the one in the straight jacket! Stop dribbling at me!
Cid-Brains! (Launches at Jenova, cracking open her skull and feasting on the oh-so-tasty contents)
Cid-Mmmm, tasty brain.
Yuffie-Like, GROOOOOSSS-NEEESSSS!!!
Cloud-Oh my God! Now Jenova's a zombie!
Barret-Like da foo' looks any different.
(Tifa bursts in suddenly, out of breath)
Tifa-Oh my God! It's too late! They're already here!
Sephiroth-(Suddenly appears behind Tifa) That's right! You can't run away forever! You're doomed! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone-AIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! (Runs away and barricade themselves in the bathroom)
In the bathroom, one hour later...
Tifa-Are they still out there?
Cloud-I don't know. Let's throw someone expendable out to check. (They throw Biggs out)
Biggs-AAAIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! (Munch, crunch)
Cloud-Yup, still there.
Barret-Word up, foo's! Look what I be findin' behind the bidet! (Holds up a chainsaw)
Cloud-Okay guys, seeing as this all started at the morgue according to Tifa, we're gonna go check it out. Barret, you go up front with the chainsaw.
Barret-(Leaps out the door, waving the chainsaw round in a vaguely threatening manner. The zombies back away.)
Cloud-Okay, let's go. (They um, go)
At the morgue...
Barret-I found it!
Cloud-What?
Barret-The issue of Crack Ho magazine with Tifa on the cover!
Cloud-Never mind the blatant South Park rip offs! Where's the zombie formula tifa mentioned?
Tifa-Found it!
Cloud-Great! Now get rid of it! (suddenly, Sephiroth appears, backed up by Jenova zombie, Cid zombie and the first zombie from the morgue)
Sephiroth-Ha! Try to beat me now!!!
Tifa-Barret! Use the chainsaw!
Barret-$^%&! Damn thing's outta fuel!
Sephiroth-(Laughs hysterically as the zombies close in...)
Tifa-Wait! I know!
Cloud-I gotta believe?
Tifa-No! We have to kill the original zombie! That'll make the others return to normal!
Vincent-*Cough* ripoff *cough*
Barret-...Did he just talk?
Vincent-...
Cloud-But which is the original one? Is it Jenova, Cid, or the one that looks suspiciously like Wedge?
Tifa-Take a wild guess.
Cloud-Oh, okay. (Readies his buster sword and is about to slice Wedge's head off when Mecca Yuffie suddenly squishes him.
Wedge-(Squelch) World-Hurrah!
Tifa-Mecca Yuffie! What made you change this time?
Mecca Yuffie-I'm like, allergic to chainsaws. GAWD!
Sephiroth-Curses! (whatches the zombies return to normal)
Jenova-Sephiroth! How dare you turn me into a zombie! You're grounded for ten months!
Sephiroth-NOOOO!!! (Jumps up and down in a similar way to Dick Dastardly in Stop The Pidgeon)
Cid-More soup! More soup you %&*(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!