Everyone is crowded round the TV watching South Park.
Cartman-Kyle, I will kick you in the nuts!
Everyone-Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!
Sephiroth-What would mother say if she knew I was watching this?
Cloud-Shaddap, I'm trying to watch this.
Sephiroth-Up yours, Clod.
Cloud-I'll tell your mother you said that.
Sephiroth-Oh dear God no!!!!
Kyle-Screw you, fat boy!!!
Everyone-Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
Sephiroth-(Gets up) Gods, this is so immature!!
Cloud-Smell ya later, Sephy!
Sephiroth-Up yours, spike.
Cloud-I'm going to phone your mother right now!
Sephiroth-Ha! Bet you don't!
In the kitchen...
Cloud-(On PHS) Hello? Mrs Jenova person? I just thought you'd want to know that your son was using foul language today. What was it? Up yours. No, wait! I didn't mean it like that! Don't hang up!!!
Sephiroth-(Enters) What are you doing?
Cloud-Er, nothing. Bye Mrs Jenova person. (Hangs up)
Sephiroth-You phoned mother!
Cloud-Maybe.
Sephiroth-You asshole!
Cloud-I'll tell her you said that!
Sephiroth-(Fume)
Outside the villa...
Cloud-(To Tifa) Now that pointless introduction is over, we can get on with the story. Seeing as the others are going camping for the weekend, we'll have the villa to ourselves! I'll go tune up the buggy.
Tifa-Okay!
Cid-Hey Cloud, where's the buggy?
Cloud-Just around the corner. Why?
Cid-(Bouncing off in his straight jacket) I love engine oil now!
Cloud-Right. (Realises this is insane) No, wait! Stop!
Cid-(Halfway into the engine and smeared in engine oil) Too late.
Cloud-Damn! He's ruined the engine! I'll have to fix it!
Tifa-And I'll tighten Cid's straight jacket. I don't know how he got out of the cell this time!!
Inside the villa...
Barret-Okay, allya foo's packed?
Everyone-Yup!
Sephiroth-Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Two days without these morons and mother at home out of the way!!!! This will be heaven.
Barret-Oh no you don't! You be comin' to, Suckaroth!
Sephiroth-What? Why?
Barret-You'll be in Cloud and Tifa's way. And besides, it's vital to the plot. Now get yo' ass over here!
Sephiroth-Spoony.
Meanwhile, Cloud and Tifa have fixed the buggy, and are looking for somewhere to dump Cid.
Cid-Where are we going?
Cloud-Somewhere you'll like.
Cid-Oh good! Are we there yet? Are we there yet?
They pull up outside an oil refinery
Cloud-Have fun! (Pushes Cid out the door)
Cid-I have died and gone to heaven. (Starts drinking all the oil)
Back at the villa, everyone is waiting for the buggy's return...
Sephiroth-Two days with these morons! (Takes another prozak)
The buggy arrives. Everyone piles in.
Cloud-Shall we go, my dear?
Tifa-Oh Cloud!
Aeris-(fume)
At the campsite...
Aeris-Wow! Here we are camping! It's just like the famous five, only there are, um, more of us. Red, you can be Timmy the dog!
Red-(fume)
Sephiroth-Shouldn't we set up camp before it gets dark and the wolves begin to hunt us down to consume our flesh?
Everyone-Okay!
Aeris-After that, we can go rock climbing!
Sephiroth-Yes! This is perfect! When they climb the cliff, I'll be waiting at the top, where I will push a boulder over, squishing them! Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ah aha ha ha ha!!!!!!! (Flies to the top of the cliff to lie in wait)
2 hours later...
Aeris-Get climbing, everyone! (Everyone runs to the cliff)
Sephiroth-Mwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! That's it! Keep climbing, you fools!
Aeris-(Flies up next to Sephiroth) Oh, Sephy! I forgot to tell you! Your mother insisted on coming. She'll be here...now.
Jenova-Sephiroth! You bad boy, planning to squash all your little friends! Wait till I get you home!!
Sephiroth-^&*)! (Suddenly, everyone leaps up over the edge of the cliff and runs towards Sephiroth, trampling him)
Sephiroth-Urg...
Later that night, everyone is asleep apart from Aeris and Yuffie
Yuffie-I'm bored!
Aeris-I'm lovesick!
Cloud-I'm Cloud!
Aeris-Cloud! What are you doing here?
Cloud-I came to see you, my love.
Aeris, Oh, I love you!
Cloud-I love you too! Let's stay like this for eternity!
Yuffie-That can be arranged. (Turns into Mecca Yuffie and squishes them both)
Shera-(Waking up) Yuffie! That was mean! Now I'll have to clean all this blood up! Hey wait, that's not Cloud, that's a complete stranger with a yellow hedgehog on his head.
Yuffie-Oh yeah, so it is. GAWD!!!!!
The next day, everyone is taking a nice, relaxing barge ride, for some reason.
Red-This is boring.
Cait Sith-Well, how about a nice country and western song to relieve the boredom? *Ahem* (tunelessly) OH, I'M SITTIN' ON MAH SPUUURRRRS, MOMMA!
Sephiroth-Give me strength!
Red-So what do we all want to do?
Aeris-(Who is oddly alive) Lets look at pictures of Cloud!
Vincent-Let's mourn Lucrecia!
Cait Sith-Let's trash the place!
Everyone-Yayyyy!!!!! (Starts to tear the barge apart)
Sephiroth-That's it! (Writes "I think that this is the best way to end it" on a piece of paper and leaps athletically from the barge)
Sephiroth-So long, suckers!
Red-Okay, that was fun. Let's go home now.
Everyone-Okay!
At the villa
Barret-We're home, foo's!
Cloud-Oh Gods.
Tifa-Let's go somewhere a little more private...
Suddenly, an oil tanker draws up outside and an angry bloke jumps out, dragging an overweight Cid with him
Angry Bloke-Is this yours?
Cid-Burp.
Angry Bloke-He just drank all our oil! We've lost millions!
Cid-Very tasty.
Angry Bloke-(Leaves)
Tifa-How did he get hooked on oil anyway?
Cloud-Barret fed it to him. (Idea forms) Cid, would you like some cyanide?
Hoo, there it is! The entire inappropriate name series! Feedback appreciated, so send it to Dacruncha@hotmail.com.