(The scene fades in to show Yuffie talking with her father in their home in Wutai)
Yuffie: But Dad! I don't want to go back to school!
Godo: Yuffie, you're going back to school and that's final! If you keep on working as a Materia Stealer, you're bound to get caught. Anyway, you can't do that all of your life.
Yuffie:(speaking Pleadingly) Please Dad! Don't-
Godo: (cutting Yuffie off in mid-sentence) Don't even argue. You're going back to high school.
(Two days later at the bus stop)
Yuffie:(humming FF7 theme music) I Wonder how long this is going to take.
(suddenly, the Highwind flies into view, painted yellow. It lands near Yuffie, blowing papers from her notebook. The door of the Highwind opens.)
Cid:(Looking toward Yuffie) Get on board you piece of... Oh, Yuffie! Where is that student I'm supposed to pick up. If that piece of shit is late I'll...
Yuffie:(looking embarrassed) I am the student.
Cid:Oh, well! I Don't give a shit!!!!
Yuffie:(looking shy, cuts Cid off in mid-sentence) Thanks, but just let me on the bus.
Cid:(hollering to the back of the bus) Hey, you kids aren't supposed to have those cigarettes on the bu... I mean, air-ship(Cid takes the cigarettes, lights one up, and sticks it into his mouth) (Cid mumbles to himself) Not even a good brand... Oh. Oh, yeah. Take that sit in the back.
Yuffie: Which seat???
Cid: That one!!!
Yuffie: That one?!
Cid: Yeah, that fucking seat!!!!
Yuffie: Well, look at it!!!
Cid: What the hell is wrong with that seat!?! What seems to be the damn problem?!!!!
Yuffie: Just look at those people!!!! They're all potheads!!!
Cid: You should fit right in, if that's the case.
Yuffie: What the hell is that supposed to mean!!!!
Cid: Fine! Go sit with that quiet girl over there.
(Cid closes the door and takes off as Yuffie takes a seat)
Girl: You're new, aren't you. What's your name.
Yuffie: I'm Yuffie. How 'bout you?
Girl: I'm Sara. Nice to meet you!
Yuffie: I have no idea where to go.
Sara: Well, where's your schedule?
Yuffie: It's right here...(she begins to look through her note book.)
Yuffie: Oh shit!
Sara: What's wrong?
Yuffie: That shithead son of a bitch!!!!!!1
Sara: What the hell is-
Yuffie:(pulling out her shuriken and cutting off Sara in Mid-Sentence) Shut the hell up You bitch!!! Shut the hell Up!!!!!!!!!!! (Yuffie stabs the shuriken through Sara's head. Blood begins gushing everywhere.)
Cid: Yuffie! What the hell are you doing you bitch???!!!!! And you know you aren't supposed to bring that weapon to school!!!!
Yuffie: (in pure rage and anger) Shut the hell up, You sorry bastard!!!! SHUT UP!!!
( Yuffie throws the shuriken at Cid. Cid dodges, and the shuriken hits the Highwind's controls. The Highwind bursts into flames.
Cid: You bitch! You Just messed up the controls!!!
Yuffie: (Suddenly calm) Cid, Stop cursing so much. You're cursing every other word!
Cid: Well, damnit, you fucked the damn controls! (Suddenly, the Highwind falls from the sky in flames.)
Cid: You bitch!!! You killed all of those Sh... I mean, students! And you destroyed my bu... I mean, the Highwind!!!
Yuffie: Well, she was pissing me off!!!!
Cid: Well, now we've got to walk across a desolate, barren plain to get to Midgar!!!!
Yuffie: Well, let's start walking!!
(Yuffie and Cid begin walking toward Midgar)
***3 MONTHS LATER***
Yuffie: (Walking in the door of Midgar High School) FINALLY!!!! We made it!
Cid: Yeah! (Cid starts panting, then falls over dead due to lack of rest, food, water, nicotine, and Extreme lung Cancer)
Yuffie: (Shrugging) Oh, well. (Suddenly perky) I guess I need to get to the school office.
(Yuffie walks into the office)
Seceritary: What do you want?
Yuffie: I need a copy of my schedule.
(The secretary taps the Head Secretary)
Head Secretary: What do you need?
Yuffie: (Impatient) I Need a Copy of my schedule! GAWD!
( The Head Secretary calls the Vice Principal)
***FIVE MINUTES LATER***
Vice Principal: What do YOU need?
Yuffie: (now furious) I Need a copy of my mother fucking Schedule!! GAWDD!!!!!!
V.P.: Go see the Principal.
(Yuffie walks into the Principals office)
Yuffie: Look, I need a copy of my-
(The Principal's chair turns around to reveal Sephiroth)
Yuffie: (Shocked) Sephiroth!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: Yes, and I'm sorry to say that you failed due to being absent to long.
Yuffie: (Once again furious) Why You... HIGH SCHOOL SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Yuffie uses her limit break All Creation, W Summons Knights of the Round, W Summons KotR 3 more times, Cast Ultima, and throws ALOT of shurikens at Sephiroth.)
Sephiroth:(While dying) Your not supposed bring weapons to school!
Yuffie: Kiss my ass!!!!!
(Yuffie leaves the school, Then summons Bahmut Zero to destroy the school.)
Yuffie: I'm feeling better! Now I'm goin' go steal some Materia!!!!!!
(Yuffie walks down the street away from the destroyed school. She accidentally bumps into her old friend, Cloud Strife.)
Yuffie: Hey, Cloud! Long time, no see! Where have ya been?
Cloud: I was just wondering the same about you. Your on the back of every milk carton in Midgar! Everybody's startin' to think that your school bus crashed into the desert or something like that.
Yuffie: It was something like that.
Cloud: Shouldn't you be in school or something?
Yuffie: Na. I'm skippin' class today.
Cloud: Oh, cool! You want to come have lunch with me and the rest of the gang?
Yuffie: Cool! Sounds great!
Cloud: OK! Their all waitin' down at that new steak house in town.
Yuffie: New steak house?!
Cloud: Yeah. Midgar Bar & Grill! They have great food! Let's hurry up and get over there.
***TEN MINUTES LATER***
Cloud: (Standing at the door.) Here we are.
Yuffie: Let's go eat then!
(Cloud and Yuffie walk through the door and see Tifa, Barret, Vincent, Cait Sith, Red XIII, and Aeris standing in front of the next set of doors.)
Cloud: Hey guys! Yuffie decided to skip school, so she's gonna eat with us today.
Tifa: OK, cool!
Barret: Yeah, whateva foo!
Vincent: (Silent.)
Aeris: That would be nice.
Cid: Just as long as she don't want to eat in the non-smoking section.
Red XIII: Yeah...
Caut Sith: Excellent!
(They FF7 Group walks into the restaurant together and sit down at the bar.)
RedXIII: Bartender, give me a-
Bartender: Sorry, people. No pets allowed in the restaurant.
(The bartender picks up Red XIII and Cait Sith and throw them out of the restaurant.)
Barret: What ya do dat for, ya foo!
Bartender: Didn't you read the sign before you came in. (The bartender points to a sign beside the door. The sign reads 'No pets allowed.')
Barret: So what?! They weren't no pets, foo! Those were some of our friends!
Bartender: Well, it's against Midgar Bar & Grill regulations to have a pet or anything resembling a pet inside of the restaurant. Now, What'll ya have?
Vincent: Give me a Bloody Mary.
(The Bartender reaches behind the counter and begins mixing Vincent's Drink.)
Cloud: Hey, bartender, give me a tequila.
Bartender: Comin' right up!
Tifa: Ya know, guys, we could go back over to my bar.
Vincent: (Drinking his Bloody Mary.) You don't serve Bloody Mary, Tifa.
Tifa: So! I still serve beer, wine, tequila and everything else!
Barret: Shut ya trap, Tifa! Bartender! Give me a bottle of beer!
Yuffie: Bartender, I want a bottle of vodka!
Bartneder: (Handing Barret his bottle of beer.) Sorry, you don't look quite old enough for me to be selling you beer.
Yuffie: Come on, dude! Just give me a beer!
Bartender: I can't do that!
Yuffie: Give me a beer, damn it!
Bartender: I already said I can't sell you beer!
Yuffie: You asked for it!
(Yuffie pulls out her shuriken and jumps over the counter. She begins chasing the bartender around the restaurant. People begin screaming for the police. Yuffie corners the bartender.)
Bartender: Please don't hurt me! Please don't hurt me!
Yuffie: (Hollering.)All I asked for was one damn vodka! So get me a Vodka or I'm gonna kill you!
Cloud: (running toward Yuffie.) What the hell are you doing!?
Yuffie: He wouldn't sell me a beer!
Cloud: Of course! You're only 16!
Yuffie: So what, ya spiky headed asshole???!
Tifa: Come on Yuffie, drop the shuriken.
Barret: I just say we get outta here befo' we all get arrested!
Cloud: What are you talkin about!
Barret: The bartender's callin' the fuzz!
Tifa: The what?!
Barret: You know? The fuzz? The cops, ya bunch a foos! Now lets get the hell outta here!
Yuffie: (hollering at the bartender.) You sorry-
(Yuffie throws the shuriken at the bartender. The shuriken hits him in the side of the head. Blood goes everywhere, and he falls to the floor dead.)
Cloud: Why'd you do that?!
Barret: No time to worry about that, we gotta get outta here!
(The FF7 gang leaves the bar. Cait Sith and Red XIII meet them outside and run away from the bar.)
***ONE HOUR LATER***
(The FF7 Gang is hanging out at Yuffie's home in Wutia.)
Godo: So, how was your day at school, Yuffie?
Yuffie: All I've got to say is that High School SUCKS!
THE END
All Characters Copyright to SquareSoft
Story Copyrighted to Raven-Chan