TODAY ON ASK FUJIN - THE FANS SPEAK OUT

Seifer: Fans? Fujin? You've got to be kidding!

Fujin: RAGE! *kick* *sneezes*

Raijin: Now Fujie, ya gotta get back to bed. *pushes her off stage*

UC: Actually, Seifer, a number of Fujin's fans have written in. It's too bad she'll have to miss it. There was even a fan-written show and-

Seifer: Shut up.

UC: *hangs head in shame* Yes sir.

Seifer: As I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted, I'm going to be running the show.

Raijin: With UC's and my help, ya-

Seifer: I SAID SHUT UP!

Raijin: But that was ta UC, ya kn-

Seifer: SHUT UP!

Zell: *who is purposely picking the most inconvenient time to mop the stage, most likely because someone has paid him to wear a rather large steepled hat* Me?

Seifer: No, but yes!

Zell: *is confused* Um... *tugs on hat a la Vivi*

Seifer: Just shut up.

Raijin: Oh, I thought you meant me.

Seifer: I did.

Raijin: But you were just talking to Zell and-

Seifer: SHUT UP!!!!!! *veins pop*

Raijin: Oh. Well why didn't ya just say so, ya know?

Seifer: *rubs temples and counts to ten* Fujin is sick today, and I am taking care of her show.

Zell: That and we got hella tired of her attitude!

Seifer: I'm hella- *bangs head into the wall* Pardon me, I mean to say that I'm FUCKING tired of YOUR attitude, Chicken-Wuss.

Fujin: *limps back onto stage* Must... show... rage... . *collapses*

Raijin: You okay?

Fujin: *groans weakly*

Raijin: Okay! *opens the first letter* Hey, this one's not to Fujin, it's to me!

Fujin: RA-ACHOO!

Raijin: Sure! We're desperate for people, ya know!

Fujin: *groans again, something that sounds like it's in attempt to sound menacing, badass, and generally scary*

Rajin: Aww... poor Fujin! *pets her shoulder*

Fujin: Raaaaaageeee... *attempts to get up and kick him, but flops back to the ground*

Zell: Is she all right? *pokes her with a mop*

Seifer: *helps her up* We told you to go to bed. Chicken-Wuss, take Fujin back to her room.

Zell: WHAT DID YOU SAY!?

Seifer: Take her back to her room. (I'm surrounded by idiots.)

Zell: *grumbling, drags Fujin back offstage*

Raijin: Now, for the next letter:

 

Am I the only one who finds you attractive?
Sheepie man -- sheepieman@hotmail.com

 

Raijin: Yes! Next!

 

 

Q:1) hey yo!
i like lit my hair on fire
when castin fire....
and all selphie did was laugh....
should i pound her?

Raijin: To answer your first question, no. You should never pound on girls, ya know?

Seifer: Don't listen to him, he's an idiot! Kill her! Kill her!

Raijin: Now, Seifer, have you taken your medication today?

Seifer: And another thing - why is everybody always trying to dope me up?

UC: *injects a needle into his arm*

Seifer: *passes out*

Raijin: What did you just give him?

UC: My medication.

Raijin: Yowza. That should have him out for weeks, ya know?

 

Q:2) Hey and plus...
what should i do about my hair!?
It meant more to me than....
Seifer does to you!
its like my life!
what should i do?
i mean... im like.. ::cries::
HALF BALD NOW!
PLEASE HELP ME FUJIN!

Signed,
Zell Dinct.

 

UC: He actually liked his hair!? *digs for more of that medication*

Raijin: Hey, maybe that's why he was wearing that black mage hat, ya know?

Squall: *from the audience* Actually, I told him to. Don't you think it looks cuuuute?

All: ...

Fujin: *crawls pitifully back onto the stage from seemingly nowhere* Show... mine...

Raijin: *chiding* I thought we told Zell to take you to your room.

Fujin: Zell, hurt. Rage. *sits up, pulls a vodka bottle out of her shirt, and takes a swig*

Raijin: Well, as long as you're up and at 'em, you can read this next letter!

 

 

You know the fanfic, "Tread Softly on my Nightmares"? I was wondering, any chance of that ever happening?
(evil) Selphie Tilmitt -- SelphieTilmittC@aol.com

 

Fujin: *blinks, or rather winks, or rather winks in an attempt to blink with one eye* Um. Never saw.

Raijin: Silly Fuu! Yeah you did, ya know! It's that one you read like a hundred and fifteen times, ya know, and forwarded to everybody on your mailing list, and printed and put in that leather-bound notebook you keep hidden behind your bed and -

Fujin: *chugs the last of the vodka so she can, without any moral dilemmas, break the bottle over his head* RAGE! *breaks the bottle over his head, as predicted, without the slightest twinge in her conscience* SHOW, OVER. *pulls curtain*