The Final Fantasy 8 Parody CD CRUNCHIE'S NOTE-ARGH! Too many new fics to post! I'll just be tagging the Rufus parody on the end if it's all the same to y'all. Enjoy!
Okay, I changed the words to Weird Al's 'The night Santa went crazy'. I have one for FF8, FF6, and FF7 (They're all the same, more or less, but for different FF fans I did the different games. Here goes nothing!)
By Quistis Chick
(Allo! I was shocked that so many people liked my parody of 'The Real Slim Shady', 'The Real Chibi Chibi'!! A few people told me to try another parody. So I will! My first attempt at a Final Fantasy Parody.Oh yes, and special thanks to Sarah the Boring, who's parody/fic FFVII! The Musical inspired me!)
Track 1 - We're Surrounded By Sand (Parody of 'I Want To Hold Your Hand' by The Beatles)
Sung by Quistis and Zell in the Desert Prison
Oh yeah I . . . Tell you something
I don't quite understand
Why he . . . threw us in here
Now we're surrounded by sand. . . !!!!
We're surrounded by sand
We're surrounded by sand
Oh please . . . say to me
We can break out, man
And please . . . don't remind me
That we're surrounded by sand . . .!!!!
We're surrounded by sand
We're surrounded by sand
This lack of air makes me feel weezy . . . inside
It's such a feeling that my lungs
Feel like . . . they're gonna . . . die!
Yeah . . . Yeah . . . Yeah
Yeah you . . . think of something
I'm bored to death
When I . . . say that something
We're surrounded by sand . . . !!!!
We're surrounded by sand
We're surrounded by sand
And we don't even have any weapons . . . oh poo
It's such a drag that we can't fight
We can't fight . . . we can't fight . . . we can't fight!
Yeah . . . Yeah . . . Yeah
Oh please . . . set me free
I'll stop my whining then
And please . . . release me
We're still surrounded by sand
We're still surrounded by sand
We're surrounded by sand . . .!!!!
Track 2
Livin La Vida Selphie (Parody of 'Livin La Vida Loca' by Ricky Martian)
Sung by Squall Leonhart
She far beyond annoying
Too cute with the flipped up hair
Her habits are sometimes toying
That girl's got eccentric flair
She's a giggling sensation
Not too useful in a fight
Poor Irvine's her addiction
And her brain just took a flight
She'll make you want to vomit cause she's such a major pain
Her *cute* antics are such a strife
Her and Barney are the same
Insane in the membrane
CHORUS
Upside inside out
She's livin' la vida Selphie
She'll turn your smile to a frown
Livin' la vida Selphie
Her hair defys gravity
And she has zero brain capacity
She will wear you out
Livin' la vida Selphie
Lives right by Balamb City
In the big academy garden
She has some knunchuks
And makes me up-chuck
And her social skills are frightnin'
She never uses her brain
Just causes eveyone much pain
Once you've had a glimpse of her
You'll never be the same
Yeah she'll make you go insane
REPEAT CHORUS
She never uses her brain
Just causes everyone much pain
Once you've had a glipmse of her
You'll never be the same
Yeah she'll make you go insane
REPEAT CHORUS 2 TIMES
Livin' la vida Selphie
Livin' la vida Selphie
Livin' la vida Selphie
Livin' la vida Selphie!
Track 2 - Who Do You Think You Are? {The Eternal Fight} (A Parody of 'Who Do You Think You Are?' from the Sailor Moon CD, Lunarock)
Sung by Rinoa and Quistis, with Squall
* Note - You don't need to know the song for this to be funny!!*
Rinoa
You say you're cool and you're smart
You say he's yours, you try to break us apart
But your just jealous, huh, you must confess!
Whenever you think of Squall looking at me in my dress
Quistis
You say your cute, you little slut
But it's too late for you and your bubble butt
'Cause the stupid things that you've said
Prove that you got nothing up inside your head!
Both ~ Chorus
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
He likes me best by far!
Who do you think you are?
(Repeat)
Quistis
You're so useless when we have to fight
You're always thinking about the guys you *ahem!* at night
You're always scared, but never alone
You have the IQ of an ice cream cone!
Rinoa
You always talk, non-stop!
You think that you're so special in your Instructor spot
You say your limit breaks will never fail
But I have more confidence in Angelo's tail!
Both ~ Chorus
Both
If you don't know, today it doesn't show, you're still my friend
But that doesn't mean, that when we've had it
We won't go at it again and again!
Rinoa
You've got brains, but don't have guts!
Quistis
If I'm a brain, then your a slut!
Squall
Oh it's insane how they drive me beyond nuts!
Both
It's true!
Chorus 2 Times
Speaking Breakdown
Rinoa
You're not so great, ya' high breed, stuck up, meanie!
Quistis
Oh, I see you've expanded your vocabulary, ignoramus!
Rinoa
Igno - Ignowhat?!
Quistis
Wouldn't it be a pity if Squall found out about your "extracurricular activities"?
Rinoa
You would not tell!
Quistis
Watch me!
(Speaking part trails off 'till the end)
Repeat first verse and chorus
Track 4 - Trepe (A Parody of 'Pink' by Aerosmith)
Sung by The Trepies
Trepe - you're my new obsession
Trepe - it's not even a question,
Trepe - oh the lips of our Instuctor . . .
'Cause Trepe you're the love we discover
Trepe - you're as sweet as a cherry
Trepe - 'cause you are so very
Trepe - you're the source of passion
Ah, 'cause today you just go with the fashion
Trepe - it was love at first sight
Yeah, Trepe - when I turn out the light
And Trepe gets me high as a kite
And I think everything is going to be all right
No matter who I dream of tonight
We could dance the tango
'Cause Trepe - you're the new kinda of lingo
Trepe - I would share my umbrella
Oh how I wish that I could be your fella'
Chorus
Yeah!
I want to be your lover
I, I wanna wrap you in rubber . . . 0.o
And I just can't listen to my preacher
'Cause Trepe - is my favorite teacher
Yeah!
Chorus
Track 5 - Edea Edea (A parody of 'Maria Maria' by Carlos Santana)
Sung by SeeDs
All But Squall
Oh Edea Edea
She used to read me a bedtime story
Growing up in the orphanedge
She’s living the life of a scary movie star
Selphie
Oh Edea Edea
She fell in love with Cid Kramer
And she wears alot of fur, yeah, yeah
Made out of small woodland creatures
Irvine
Stop the evilness, stop the sorceress
'Cause all we do is bicker
See as a sorceress you don't get richer
You just get to kill people quicker
Quistis
See Edea gives us a letter
Thinking of ways to make it better
To get Ellone back A.S.A.P.
Who's gonna go get her with me?
All But Squall
Ahora vengo mama chola mama chola
Squall
(What the?)
All But Squall
Ahora vengo mama chola
Squall
(Okay . . .)
All But Squall
Ahora vengo mama chola mama chola
Squall
(What the heck?)
All But Squall
Ahora vengo mama chola
Squall
(I don't get it)
Seifer
I said she's not really our enemy
She's our matron can't you see
Even though she knows how to cast fire
Her skills aren't up for hire
Quistis
See Edea gives us a letter
Thinking of ways to make it better
But we can sell it for some gil
Even though our cash won't fill
All But Squall
Ahora vengo mama chola mama chola
Squall
(Whatever . . . )
All But Squall
Ahora vengo mama chola
Squall
(. . . )
Selphie
Edea you know you’re my "mother"
Sometimes I admit I miss you
Even when we are apart
It feels like we’re together
Chorus
Track 6 - The Hot Dog Song (A parody of 'The Bunny Song' from Veggie Tales)
Sung by Zell, Selphie, Rinoa, and Quistis
Zell
The hot dog
The hot dog
Oh, I ate the hot dog
I didn't eat my soup or my bread
Just the hot dog
The hot dog
The hot dog
Oh, I love the hot dog
But now I feel sick in the head
From the hot dog
I don't want no health food when it's time to feed
A big pack o' hot dogs is all that I need!
I don't want no buddies to come out and play
I'll sit on my sofa, eat hot dogs all day.
I won't go to class! And I won't go to school!
That stuff is for sissies, but hot dogs are cool!
Selphie, Rinoa, and Quistis
I don't want no pony, I don't want no frog
I just want a plate and a bun and a hot dog!
I don't want no stone, I don't want no log
I just want a plate and a bun and a hot dog!
I don't want a tissue when my nose is clog
I just want a plate and a bun and a hot dog!
I don't want to play on a day that has fog
I just want a plate and a bun and a hot dog!
Zell
The hot dog
The hot dog
Oh, I ate the hot dog
I didn't eat my soup or my bread
Just the hot dog
The hot dog
The hot dog
Oh, I love the hot dog
But now I feel sick in the head
From the . . . hhooooottttt ddddoooogggg!
Track 7 - The Students Who Don't Do Anything (A parody of 'The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything' from Veggie Tales)
Sung by Xu, Seifer, and Nida
Narrator
Now it's time for Pointless Songs with Seifer, the track on the CD where Seifer comes out and sings, a stupid song. Joining Seifer today are Nida and Xu, who together, make up the infamous gang of losers the students who don't do anything!
Seifer and Xu
We are the Students Who Don't Do Anything!
We just stay in school and take up space.
And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you ...
Nida
We don't do anything!
Xu
Well, I've never served a purpose
And I've never been to Galbadia
And I've never fought in a real fight to tell you the truth
And I've never been to Esthar
And I've never been to Deling
And I've never been to Balamb in the fall
Nida and Xu
'Cuz we're the Students Who Don't Do Anything!
We just stay in school and lie around.
And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you ...
Seifer
We don't do anything!
Nida
And I never shoulda made SeeD
And I never say anything useful
And I never hit on girls 'cuz I don't *like* them at all
And I've never walked outside school
And I've never owned a gunblade
And I've never been to Balamb in the fall
Seifer and Nida
Cuz we're the Students Who Don't Do Anything!
We just stay at school and lie around.
And if you ask us to do anything, we'll just tell you ...
Xu
We don't do anything!
Seifer
Well, I've never plucked a rooster
And I'm not too good at ping-pong
And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall
And I've never kissed a chipmunk
And I've never gotten head lice
And I've never been to Balamb in the fall!
Nida
Huh? What are you talking about?
What's a rooster and mashed potatoes have to do with being a student who never leaves school??
Xu
Hey, that's right! We're supposed to sing about how un-related to the storyline we are!
Seifer
Oh ...
Xu
And who ever kissed a chipmunk? That's just nonsense!
Why even bring it up? Am I right? What do you think?
Nida
I think you're right!
Seifer
Yes, but unlike you I *do* leave school and serve a purpose!
Nida and Xu
Oh . . . try again then!
Seifer
And I've never licked a spark plug
And I've never sniffed a stink bug
And I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball
And I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings ...
Nida
You just don't get it!
All
And we've never been to Balamb in the fall!
The Night Rufus Went Crazy
By Quistis Chick
(Sing to 'The Night Santa Went Crazy' by Weird Al)
Twas the night before Christmas, and all the Turks were sittin' around
Pouring shots of whiskey, and drinking them down
When Rufus busted in, nearly scared them half to death
Had his shotgun in his hands, and cheap Vodka on his breath
From his hair to his shoes, he was covered in ammo
Like a big fat drunk, disgruntled "Eultide Rambo"
And he smiled as he said, with a twinkle in his eye
"Merry Christmas to all, now you're all gonna die!"
The night Rufus went crazy
The night the prez went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' the raw deal
Something finally must have snapped his brain
Well the headquarters are gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of Hojo and Scarlet
And he tied up the SOLDIERS, and he held the Turks hostage
And he ground up poor Reeve into human sausage
He got Sephy and Jenova with an old German lueger,
And he slashed up Heidegger just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flame thower and he barbaqued Palmer
Then he took a big bite and said "It tastes just like hamburger!"
The night Rufus went crazy
The night the prez went nuts
Now ya can't hardly walk around Midgar
Without steppin' in executive's guts
There's the National Guard and the FBI
There's a van from the Junon Now! news
And Para-troopers circling round in the sky
And the bullet supply and the body counts rising
And everyone's dying to know: Oh Rufus why?
My my my my my my,
You used to be such a calm guy
Yes Marlene, now Rufus' is doing time
In a federal prison for his infamous crimes
Hey little friend now, don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
Well now Reno's in therapy, and Domino's still nervous
And Turks all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Ruf's mom's on the phone every night
With a lawyer negotiating the movie rights, they're talking about
The night Rufus went crazy
The night the prez lost his head
Worked all day for crappy pay
Now everyone he know's is dead
Woa the night Rufus went crazy
The night the prez lost his head
Worked all day for crappy pay
Now everyone he know's is dead
Woa, Now everyone he knows is dead
Tell ya, now everyone he knows . . . is dead!
**********************
The Night Seifer Went Crazy
By Quistis Chick
(Sing to 'The Night Santa Went Crazy' by Weird Al)
Twas the night before Christmas, in Balamb Garden Academy
Squall and his friends, were celebrating with glee
When Seifer busted in, nearly scared them half to death
Had a Gunblade in his hands, and cheap whisky on his breath
He had killed Headmaster Cid, and was after Instructor Trepe
But now Squall and company had gotten in his way
And he sneered as he yelled, staring Squall in the eye
"Merry friggin' Christmas to all, now prepare to die!"
The night Seifer went crazy
The night the loser went insane
If had been made a SeeD,
No one would have to face up to his greed
Well the Garden is gone now, he decided to bomb it,
Now the halls are decked with Dincht and Tilmitt
And he cut up the GF's, and he held Rinoa hostage
And he ground up poor Irvine into Cowboy sausage
He'll get Quistis and Edea with tack hammer when he pleases
But he beat in Laguna's (???) head just like Jason Voorhees
And he picked up a rocket launcer, and he barbaqued Squall
And he took a small bite, and said "This isn't good at all!"
The night Seifer went crazy
The night the drop out went nuts
Now you can hardly walk around Balamb
Without stepping in SeeD guts
There's a Galbadia strike force and the FBI
There's a van from the Timber Maniacs news
And helecopters circling round in the sky
And the bullet supply and the body count's rising
And everyone's afraid to know: Oh Seifer why?
My my my my my my,
You used to be such an anti-social guy
Yes, Ellone, now Siefer's doing time
In the Desert Prison for his infamous crime
Hey Rujin, don't act so surprised
He'll be out in 600 years, if he's still alive
But now Fujin's in therapy, and Xu's still nervous
And the remaining SeeD's all got jobs working for social service
And they say Rinoa's on the phone now and then
Asking the 'vault' mananger what happened to her friends, she's talking about
The night Seifer went crazy
The night the SeeD wannabe's mind slipped
Broke his back to be the center of attention
Sounds to me like he was kinda gettin' jipped
Oh, the night Seifer went crazy
The night the SeeD wannabe's mind slipped
Broke his back to be the center of attention
Sound's to me like he was kinda gettin' jipped
Oh sounds to me like he was kinda gettin' jipped
Tell ya, sounds to me like he was kinda . . . gettin' jipped!
***************
The Night Edgar Went Crazy
By Quistis Chick
(Sing to 'The Night Santa Went Crazy' by Weird Al)
Down in Figaro Castle, all the Returners were wrapping toys
For the good little girls, and the good little boys
When Edgar trudged in, and scared them half to death
Had a sword in his hands, and Retalin on his breath
From his braid to his boots, he was covered in weapons
His arsenal of smoke bombs and Magicite weighed a ton
And he smiled as he said, with a glaze over his eye
"I had some 'happy pills', so, um, . . . die!"
The night Edgar went crazy
The night the King went insane
He took one to many sleeping pills
And wanted to inflict some pain
Well the castle is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Now the rubble is smeared with Shiva and Ifrit
And he tied up Terra, and held Celes hostage
And he ground up poor Locke into treasure hunting sausage
He got Cyan and Setzer with a dirk and Bolt
And he trampled over Gau like a rabid colt
Then he called upon Fire, and he barbaqued Sabin
Then he took a big bite and said, "Next time I'll just eat in . . ."
The night Edgar went crazy
The night the King went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the desert
Without stepping in Moogle guts
There's the Imperial air force and that chocobo guy
And a reaporter from the Vector news
And Kefka proding 'left overs' to fry
And the sword swinging action and body loss' rising
And everyone's running away: Oh Edgar why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a suave guy
Yes Gogo, now Edgar's locked away
In a looney bin filled with ax-murderers who are gay
Hey little girl who wanted to marry him, don't cry anymore tears
He'll be out with counciling in about 20 years
Now Relm's in therapy, and Strago's still nevous
The remaning Retuners all got jobs working for the Imperial service
And they say Terra, she sends telegrams every night
To the opera house, negotiating the play rights, they're talking about
The night Edgar went crazy
The night the King overdosed
Killing everyone in a mile radius
Isn't something he'll want to boast
Oh, the night Edgar went crazy
The night the King overdosed
Killing everyone in a mile radius
I sure hop he's not gonna boast
Oh, I sure hope he's not gonna boast
Tell ya', I sure hope he's not . . . gonna boast!