What it feels like for a Girl
by Emerald Embers
Louise_cmi_vc@hotmail.com
Rated G
All FFVII characters are owned by someone who is not me. If any money is made off this it is owned by someone who is not me. Therefore, if you feel the need to sue, sue someone who is not me.
Please review!

[Tifa]

Cloud and I watched Cait Sith go back to the hotel, paused and looked at one another. Cloud was still quite distant, and angry because of the betrayal, but I put my hand on his shoulder, said quietly, "I know that things haven't quite turned out like we expected, but I want you to know that I really enjoyed tonight." Cloud looked at me, eyes a little sad, and he told me,
"I enjoyed it too." I smiled and realised I couldn't think of anything to say.
"The fireworks are beautiful, don't you think?" Cloud gave me a curious look, then jumped slightly and looked up to the sky.
"Yeah. It's nice." His eyes were still sad, and I asked quietly,
"Cloud, what has happened to you? You've changed from the little boy I knew, you've grown up, and I missed so much of it."

Cloud's shoulders slumped and I decided I had hit a nerve. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..."
"It's okay," He said, and I felt him take my hand from my shoulder, covering my fingers with his own. "You've grown up too. The last I remember, you were still so young, not even a teenager. And now, I come back to you, and you're a beautiful young woman." I almost blushed, felt a lump in my throat.
"You... think I'm beautiful?" He turned to me, faced me full on.
"You've got this lovely figure, lovely dark hair and lovely eyes. I think you're very pretty." I decided to pluck up my courage.
"And you make a very handsome young man." He ran his free hand through his hair nervously, turned back to the fireworks.
"Thank you, Tifa." We watched for a while longer, until I laughed quietly,
"We certainly chose a weird time to get romantic." Cloud looked at me, then smiled, blue eyes twinkling in a natural way, unlike the ethereal glow that already lay in them.
"I didn't realise this was a romance."
"Oh. I... I thought..."
"It doesn't matter. If I was going to watch fireworks with anyone, it'd have to be you."

I blushed and bowed my head. Cloud reached with his hand for my chin, lifting my face to his, then stepped closer. I felt my heart begin to pound, and nearly vomited with nerves when he kissed me softly on the lips, pulling back after only a second. So gentle. "Tifa, I swear. If it wasn't the wrong time at the right place, I would go out with you in a second."
"What about Aeris?" I bit my tongue slightly after saying her name.
"She's nice. Pretty. But *weird*. And so dull at times." I hid a sigh of relief at his words.
"Well, if it's the wrong time, I suppose we should start going back..." Cloud nodded, and I turned to walk away, when he took hold of my arm.
"One more kiss before we leave? I have the strangest feeling that I'm going to have to leave you behind soon. If I'm alone with Aeris, I need you to know that I don't love her. So you don't have competition. Understand?" I nodded and succumbed to a longer kiss, his lips slightly rough with chapped skin and the smallest scar on his upper lip. Rough or not, they were still warm, and I still loved them as much as the rest of him. When our lips parted at last, he hugged me lightly and we walked together back to the hotel.

Outside the bedrooms, we kissed once more before separating, and I walked inside my bedroom, had a huge shock when I saw Vincent at the open window, squatting on the window ledge and looking down. "Vincent?" I asked softly. He did not move, then jumped suddenly with surprise, fell out the window. I ran over to see what had happened, but saw he was hanging onto the ledge, knuckles white from his tight grip.
"Tifa, could you open the window wide and stand back please?" I did as he asked quickly, watched in awe as he swung himself over the ledge into the room in a move resembling a backflip. Calmly and quietly he dusted himself off and closed the window, started walking out of the room.

"Vincent? Aren't you going to tell me what you were doing in my room?" He stopped walking and turned around.
"I was just thinking. It's easier from the window ledge, I find balancing helps to calm my nerves." I nodded, asked,
"What were you thinking about?" He was silent for a long time, did not answer, but his melancholy demeanor told me what he had been thinking about. "Apart from her?" I said, trying to steer the subject away from the woman who had caused him so much pain.
"I... was thinking about the beasts inside me, the beasts I transform into." I smiled, sat down on my bed and gestured for him to sit down in the chair opposite. "I would rather stand, if you don't mind." I shrugged.
"Sure. What about the beasts?"

Vincent hugged his waist, and I became aware how painfully thin he was. How could someone so slight and delicate in figure have been a Turk, and moreover, how could he be so deceptively strong in battle? "I feel... something is happening inside my body all the time. Something is always changing. And I... I am actually afraid."
"Why is that?"
"Because I just know that another beast is trying to break out. An animal more vicious, and far more dangerous than the others. I'm scared of losing control of myself. I'm scared that I'll hurt someone who I like." I paused and tried to hide my own worries about what he was, then asked,
"Who are you afraid of hurting?"

Vincent turned slightly to look at me, smiled softly. "Though I would normally never admit it, I have developed quite a fondness for you all. Especially Cid. He is the first person I have met in a very long time who can actually amuse me. Particularly with his tea obsession." I smiled, then said,
"You don't need to worry. I'm sure that you wouldn't hurt us. Maybe one day, we might even be able to get some of those beasts out of you." Vincent looked away.
"There will always be demons inside me. They aren't all physical. But thank you for your optimism." I shrugged.
"No need. It's getting late through, it might be an idea to get to bed." He nodded, walked out of the room, and I closed the door behind him. Vincent was a very attractive person, and pleasant beneath all the metre-thick shields. I hoped deeply that he might eventually find himself someone who could exorcise those 'hidden demons' of his.

As I readied myself for bed I found myself thinking about Cloud kissing me, smiled to myself as I remembered the feel of his lips on mine. Damn but he was the most gorgeous, amazing guy I had ever known. And he had kissed me! I mean, I'd kissed guys before, but that was for fun more than anything. Cloud... Cloud, I genuinely loved. I was in love with the guy. And I had come *so close* to admitting I loved him when we were on the last ride. He was just so perfect though - he was gorgeous, sweet, strong... he even had a fair amount of money. Maybe he wasn't quite the cold-hearted mercenary he made himself out to be after all. God knows I hoped so.

I sat in the chair to brush my hair and had pulled out about the third knot before my thoughts wondered again. 'If it wasn't the right place at the wrong time...' He meant it. I knew he meant it. Maybe he would start going out with me after this was all over... if it was all over... well, it was something to look forward to at least. I sighed and continued brushing my hair, but I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I remember is Aeris tapping me on the shoulder. "Come on Tifa. Get in bed to sleep. There is a lot of danger tomorrow. Weakness won't be useful." I nodded before climbing into my single bed, heard Aeris humming to herself as she slid under the sheets of her own bed.
"What're you singing?"
"I don't know. I think they're related to Vincent's aunt..." I turned over to face her.
"What do you mean?"
"Whoever's singing to me..." She went off into the humming again and I watched her close her eyes, start to drift off to sleep after a while. Cloud was right. She was too weird. Definitely too weird for... "Tifa, I'd appreciate it if you tried not to think about me behind my back." I raised my eyebrows, then frowned, wondering if... "No, it isn't a trick. Get some sleep." I turned over and tried not to think about her, wondering how on earth I was going to change my thought. Ah, yes... the stars. A big, starry night, like when Cloud and I were little... yes... beautiful, big, bright stars...

The End