Angels rarely get a day off.

That's a little like me, although I'm no angel. I wish I was, then I'd be free from all this pain, all this doubt, all this suffering. Squall has suffering inside. I feel it. It hurts to feel someone else's pain. It hurts even more when they won't let you help, help ease their pain, help ease the suffering. Because for them to suffer is for you to suffer. You feel it, even if you don't want to, don't need to...

This pain hurts me on a deeper level than merely empathic suffering. Squall is my knight. He would no doubt lay down his life for me, the power of a sorceress increasing his devotion. Edea, no matter how she treated him, must have felt this with Seifer, and this fact brings home even more clearly how her powers changed her. Seifer was almost her son. She raised him as her own, he served her with the utmost loyalty and she could no doubt feel his confusion, hurt, humiliation. Yet she did nothing to ease this. Sorceress powers are a corrupting influence indeed. And I feel it too. Too much pain...pain that isn't even rightfully mine. And what do I have to show for all this? This mental torture that is woven and bound inseparably to my strength? I can tell no one about this except those close to me. Even after saving the world, prejudice against sorceresses was strong. I can't help but think that it is with good reason. Even I can tell that I'm not the same as I used to be.

I sat in the cafeteria, rarely getting a minute to myself these days. It was all "Ohh, Rinoa help me!" or "Ohh Rinoa, how do you do this?" I was getting a bit sick of it now. Now that Ultimecia had been defeated, it was if there wasn't anything for me to do except be the token idol of wide eyed adoration of the rest of the garden. They knew nothing about me, but still insisted on running up to shake my hand and ask for advice. And "There are always missions," Headmaster Cid had told me. Defeating evil gave me a rush. A buzz maybe. But I knew that I was fooling myself, and it isn't the defeat of evil that I craved, but merely the act of defeating. It was an outlet for my power. My purpose was different from previously, the gain of my powers changed me emotionally and spiritually. I only felt truly free on the battlefield now, living out my purpose. Bringing death. Me, Rinoa Heartilly. Most of the garden couldn't imagine me in a fight, no matter what they knew about me being instrumental in Ultimecia's defeat. But it's true. And that rush...that rush just wasn't enough any more. Like a drug addict craving more narcotics to get the same high, I needed more. My potential discovered, I felt I had to reach it. More kills, more victory. More.

"Hey, doll..." Squall edged a seat over to me, his eyes radiating love. 'Oh, you changed him alright Rinoa' I thought to myself. 'All you have to do now is put a leash round his neck and throw him sticks.' He's changed as much as me, pure smiling devotion. The power of a sorceress ensnares another victim.

I smiled sweetly, veiling my lust for action, all in a sweet smile, thinking how pathetic I was. Oh Rinoa's smiling, she's okay...normal, smiley Rinoa Heartilly. How do you suppose she saved the world? I bet she just cowered behind her boyfriend. I was pathetic, caged, disrespected. I felt rage against the system, rage against everything, rage for myself...

"Hi Squall." I closed my eyes then opened them, trying to banish these thoughts. "How are you?" Squall shrugged and looked cold once again.

"I'm okay. Cid wants us to do a mission. Are you coming?"

I had heard about the upcoming mission in Esthar. Some anti Laguna terrorists had bombarded the palace, wreaking havoc and keeping Laguna prisoner. It was interesting, but not interesting enough...

"No, I think I'll pass Squall. I'll keep an out eye here." I muttered. Squall shrugged then leaned in to kiss me. I loved Squall's kisses, they felt like feathers on my lips, caressing them gently. I pulled away and smiled, but not without feeling a twinge of sadness. "You have to go, Squall." Squall smiled and kissed my forehead.

"Guess I got to, I'll see you in two weeks."

"Okay" I smiled. "See you soon."

I felt numb. What was going on? Why couldn't I face the thought of two weeks alone? Squall was my grounding, my one lingering thread attaching me to sanity. I could already feel my body becoming drunken and disorientated with an odd mixture of so many different emotions and feelings. Power, rage and wrath bubbled to the surface, yet a strange feeling of vulnerability and loneliness. My knight was gone. This was both an opportunity and purgatory. He was no longer here to protect me and no longer here to hold me back. I was both scared and intoxicated by what I could achieve without him.

I walked to the headmaster's room. Squall had left by now, I could already see him in my minds eye sitting contemplatively on board some ship. I don't know what was coming over me. A plan hatched in my mind, an evil one...It terrified me, beckoned me. I walked onwards, transfixed with morbid fascination. I tried to force it away, but those words printed in my brain...

"Have it all..."

A sorceress. I deserved this. My power should not be caged or bound but unleashed and feared, worshipped. Those adoring Garden students should not be awestruck by timid Rinoa but bow their heads in fear and reverence to Sorceress Heartilly. I deserved this control. Me.

I took a knife that was hanging up outside the headmaster's office and smiled; it was a gold one, encrusted with jewels, rubies and sapphires, and diamonds...beautiful...

The gold felt smooth and oddly warm in my hand as I approached the door. It felt liquid, although I knew that it was very real, as if it was moulding into my hand, made for it, my destiny... it shone and glinted impressively as I approached the headmaster's door and knocked slightly.

"Oh Rinoa, come in!" Cid exclaimed as I neared him. I smiled sweetly as I took a gold chain from my pocket and handed it to Cid.

"For you." I smiled.

"Why thank you, Rinoa!" The headmaster smiled happily as he tried to put it on, unable to reach.

"Um, a little help Rinoa, please?" The headmaster smiled as I slid the chain around his neck, gently at first, latching it. I stood for a moment, relishing the anticipation. Then I pulled savagely at the chain with a grip of iron, his cries sweet music to my ears as the metal bit into his neck, drawing blood and guttering sobs from the headmaster's throat. He didn't deserve his position here. I did. His wife did. Ultimecia did. Sorceress's like us...we are the true heirs to this planet. I swerved my arm as the blade slid into Cid's throat. He gave a pitiful cry from his savaged vocal chords and fell to the floor, blood seeping into the carpet as I stepped over the huge body that used to be Headmaster Cid...

A grin slid involuntarily over my face as I spoke clearly into the intercom.

"Students of Balamb, this is Rinoa Heartilly, sorceress extraordinaire." After months of hiding my powers it felt liberating to announce them so casually. "Get set for a bumpy ride Seeds, because I'm in charge now..."

I smirked, not really knowing what was coming over me. Greed in myself for power, I was reluctant and lustful all at the same time. I felt power and weakness, love and hate. Wow... I'm no angel alright. Potential discovered, potential achieved. I'm a devil in my own right...