F.O.O.S.
by Oni-Kamui and Seifer1080
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All Final Fantasy VII copyright Squaresoft
This story/storyline copyright GOKU 2453 and Seifer1080.
*screen fades from black*
*the logo F.O.O.S shines on the sceen and goes to Barret and Cid in a squad car*
Barret:It's a tough life being a cop, but some times you enjoy it.
Squad Car Radio:We've got a posible 10-135482 in progress at the Nibleheim Trailer park.
Cid:I hate 10-135482's...Wait a minute! What the #&@* is a 10-135482?!?
Barret:I don't know, but it's gotta be bad if there's so many numbers.
*When they arrive at the trailer park, they see Cloud and Tifa fighting over something*
Cloud:I told you, I don't want another kid. We've already got five!
*camera aims at the trailer and sees five little kids waving frantically at the camera*
*When the camera goes back to the fight, Tifa is on the ground and Cloud is gone*
Barret:(Into shoulder microphone)We have a runner! Send back up.
*A casket on wheels with a flashing light on top comes rolling up the drive. When it stops, Vincent jumps out with a police uniform on*
Vincent:Let's get going!
*When Barret and Cid turn around they notice that Yuffie is stealing their car*
Barret:Hey Foo'! Stop stealing our car!
Yuffie(as she's driving away):See Ya Suckers!
Cid:Well, I guess we have to go on foot.
Barret:(into microphone)We're in pursuit on foot.
*They start running and Cid starts to wheeze*
Barret:Give me that cigarette foo'!
*Barret yanks the cigarette from Cids mouth and Cid falls over into a coma. Then Yuffie in the police car comes swerving off the road and runs over Cid. As this happens, a puff of smoke comes out of Cid's mouth, ears, and nose*
Barret:(Into mic. shamefully)We have an officer down and out by the cause of smoker's lung, coma, and being hit by a car.
Vincent:(pointing in a direction)There he is!
*Cloud hears Vincent and starts to take off*
Barret:Don't let him get away!
*They start back on foot*
Barret:Which....way....did....he....go!
Vincent:He went this way, sir!
*As they run, a long object comes out from the bushes*
Vincent:Watch out sir, it's a long object!
Barret:HUH?
*Vincent stops and Barret runs past, tripping on the object*
PBarret:(on ground)Ungh! Ungh! Go on without me. I can't get up. Uhhh.
Vincent:(into mic.)We've got another officer down because of he's too fat.
*Vincent looks past the bushes and sees a man with white hair and a long sword running away laughing*
Vincent:HHHHHMMMMMM.
*Camera shows an inside view of Vincent's head. In there is a monkey with his legs firmly chained to the ground. To the left of the monkey is a banana just out of his reach. To the right is a long stick. The monkey scratches his head for a minute and then picks up the stick to his right and drags the banana over and eats it*
Vincent:Hey! Stop right there!
*Vincent shoots the man down and starts running after Cloud again*
*As he's running, the police car zooms by him and turns around a corner up ahead on two wheels.*
Vincent: Hey! *he runs after the car.*
*He turns the corner and the car is gone. He keeps running until he comes to a grassy field.*
Vincent: Now where is that car?
*In one area of the field Vincent sees a herd of cows. They are all black-and-white. One of the cows is shaped suspiciously like a police car and has a weird growth on its back that looks like a siren. Actually, it IS a police car, Vincent just doesn't seem to comprehend it.*
*The camera shows a view of inside Vincent's head. The monkey finishes his banana and yells, "DUH! That's the police car, you IDIOT!"*
Vincent: OH! Okay, I get it! *He jumps the fence and runs towards the car. Cloud runs to the car and jumps in, and Yuffie starts the car and drives into the woods. Vincent keeps chasing it.*
*Meanwhile, in the air the HK123 News Chopper is covering the story live. Reporter Huntry Kick is...well, reporting.*
Huntry: Hello, I'm reporter Huntry Kick from HK123 News! And I'm live over a forest where two runaway criminals have fled from police! Officer Vincent Valentine is giving chase right now!
*Back in the woods, Vincent has lost all track of the car.*
Vincent: Well, this sucks... *speaking into his radio* I need a K-9 unit, ASAP!
*The camera goes back to the edge of the woods, where Red XIII is preparing to help Vincent.*
Red: I'm not a K-9, but I've got a pretty good nose!
Vincent: It's about time you got here!
Red: I got here in under five seconds, what are you talking about?
Vincent: Yeah, but in those five seconds, the criminals could be in....Asia by now!
Red: What's Asia?
Vincent: Shutup and get to sniffin'!
*Red puts his nose to the ground and starts sniffing, trying to find a scent.*
Vincent: THERE THEY ARE!
Red: I was getting to that.
*Vincent and Red take off and the car does too.*
*Yuffie and Cloud get out of the woods, but are then stuck in a pile of cow crap.*
Yuffie: *(#&*^)((*)%! *She floors the accelerator and the back wheels sling crap at Red and Vincent, who are close behind.*
Red and Vincent: AAAAHH, CRAP! *They duck behind a tree.*
*Yuffie jumps out of the car and quickly replaces all of the wheels with large shurikens. She jumps back in and starts driving. The shurikens let her cut through the crap. Cloud leans out the window and laughs at Red and Vincent.*
Cloud: AHAHAHAHA!
*Meanwhile, back in the HK123 News chopper.*
Huntry: It appears that the criminals have replaced the wheels with shurikens and are getting away! Maybe we can be of assistance! *They fly the chopper down near the surface and Red and Vincent hop on.*
Vincent: Follow that shuriken-car!
*They fly over the car, and Vincent starts shooting at the roof.*
Yuffie: AAAH! *She swerves out of control and hits a stray mountain.*
*Yuffie and Cloud get out and run away from the car. The car explodes and shurikens fly away from it. One of them cuts off the chopper's blades, and the chopper starts to fall.*
Red: What are we gonna do?
Vincent: I have an idea!
Red: Uh-oh..
*Vincent grabs Red under his arm and leaps from the falling chopper. Another shuriken comes flying at them, and Vincent stabs his metallic claw in the center of it. It keeps spinning on his claw, allowing Vincent to fly.*
Vincent: *chasing Cloud and Yuffie and singing the Indiana Jones theme* Duh du-duh duuh! Duh du-DAAAAA!
*Vincent drops Red and grabs two pairs of handcuffs. He spins them around and throws them at the criminals. The cuffs latch on to the criminal's wrists and lock. Cloud and Yuffie fall down, disabled.*
Vincent: Yeah! *He lets go of the shuriken and drops to the ground. The shuriken, still spinning, flies through the air and hits the falling chopper. It explodes and Huntry Kick zooms through the air, on fire.*
Huntry: YEEEEHAAAAAAW!
Vincent: *talking to Cloud and Yuffie* Tsk-tsk-tsk. What do you have to say for yourselves?
Yuffie and Cloud: &^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*& &^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&&^%^$&$^$^%&*^*&%&$^%##@&%(*^%@^(*_)(*)&(*^*&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Vincent poses for the camera with the captured criminals*
Camera-man: Ca-leeeek!
Vincent: Book 'em, Red!
Red: *who is severely hurt from being dropped 50 feet by Vincent* Uh...ugh...*twitch*....argh...*twitch*...
Vincent: That'll do, Red. That'll do.