*Bloodhound gang plays*
Carlie: Oh! My superduper ultra mega shiny new happy nokia 7890787987342875903725904237302 with changeable cover, ringtone, icons, coffee maker and umbrella attachment is ringing! I wonder who it could be! *She picks up*
Carlie: Hello?
Gez: Oh joy...
*Carlie Rolls around in a fit of laughter on the floor*
Carlie: That is such a kick ass line!!!
Gez: *Sigh...*
ONLY KIDDIN GUYS!! Here’s the fic:
Back in Mike’s school.............
Carlie: Okay Gez, let's phone the gang who are here...Gez?
*She looks around, only to find Gez chattin’ up some blonde guy*
Gez: So my mum's in Paris for a conference, and we came here by Concorde!
Blonde haired guy: So! Can I see your phone?
Gez: Well sure! My friend Carlie has it, *shouts* Oh Carlie!
*Carlie looks at the 'talent while leaning on a locker*
Carlie:Yep?
Gez: Do you have my PHONE?
Gez to blonde guy: It’s a nokia 3210, you know.
Blonde haired guy: Is it?
*Blonde guy wraps his arm around Gez*
Blonde guy: Can I see it babe?
Carlie: Gez?
Gez: Um...*Wibble wibble...* Yeah?
Carlie: You have gone a really weird red colour .
Gez: I have???
*Gez looks in the reflection from a window, a red faced freak peers at her*
Gez: Oh my god! Carlie? Ladies room now!
Carlie: Sure.
Carlie to blonde spikey guy: Gez is gonna be a minute okay?
Blonde guy: Ok. *winks*
Carlie *Swoon!* *Runs into ladies along with Gez...*
Meanwhile in a broom closet somewhere...
Saba: I love you, Mike!
Mike: I love you too Saba...
Cilla Black: I love you both!
Saba: What the hell?????
Mike: Who the hell is she??
Cilla: Come on, chuck! *To Saba* We can share if you want, love!
Saba: Get the f*&^ away from my f*&^%in' man you whore of a *&^%^ of a b*&^%!!!!!
Cilla: Wrong answer chuck!!
Saba-Er, right answer!
*Saba produces a chainsaw, and slices Cilla’s head clean off.*
Mike: That’s my girl!
Saba: Naturally!
Mike: Let’s go find the others, she scared the crap outta me.
Saba: She would do, she's from Liverpool!
*Corny music plays as Mike picks Saba up and carries her down the hall*
Meanwhile...
Demon Cilla: Ahhhhhhaaaaaaaaa!!!! Now my smaller minions!
*An army of Cillas appear*
Demon Cilla: Let’s take the school!!!!!!!!!
Mini Cillas: YES!!
In the ladies room...
Gez: PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Carlie: Why didn't you tell him the truth?
Gez: What? About my trips to Egypt with the family for brunch?
Carlie: No you twat!...wait...you told him THAT??
Gez:...That doesn't matter, but come on Carlie, PLEASE?????
*Suddenly a 70's theme tune rings echoing through the loo's*
Cheerleader: Who's cell is that?
Cheerleader #2: Dunno, sounds cool though!
Cheerleader: No it doesn't!
Cheerleader #2:How would you know?
Cheerleader: ‘Cos it's like, totally last season! GAWD!
Cheerleader #2: Oh, ok. Like totally. Let's go and give random strangers head!
Cheerleader: OKAY! Like, duh! *They skip away.*
Gez:Oh RAPTUROUS UNTOLD JOY. It's my supercrappy ultra shitty Phillips suckphone with NO changeable cover, ringtone, icons, coffee maker and umbrella attachment that is ringing. I wonder who it could be!
*Picks up the phone*
Saba: Hey Gez!
Gez: Lookin’ red still: Hey.....Saba, where are you?
Saba: With Mikey wikey!
Carlie on a 3 way phone: Cool! Are you both ok?
Mike on a 4 way phone: Yeah we’re cool, we had a weird bitch in the broom closet though...
Carlie: Oh, okay, well where are you goin now?
Mike: To see Seifer and the group, we are gonna go warn em’ ok?
Gez: Ok, meet us...Mike? You have a car right?
Mike: Yep!
Gez: Ok, well get Seifer and the guys to your car at sundown ok?
Mike: Okay, no probs.
Saba: Bye! Hey Carlie?
Carlie: Um, yeah?
Saba: Much better fic so far!
Carlie: Thank god!
*Sabs and Mike cut off and Gez turns her phone off*
Gez: Oh shyt! Carlie, I need your phone!
Carlie *Switches her phone off* Oh Gez why?
*Gez begs shamelessly at Carlie's feet*
Gez: PLEASE??????
Carlie: OKAY, FINE! *She hands Gez the nokia phone*
Gez:Whooo hooooo of untold joy!! Carlie's superduper ultra mega shiny new happy nokia 7890787987342875903725904237302 with changeable cover, ringtone, icons, coffee maker and umbrella attachment is NOW MINE! A haaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha!!! *Final Fantasy victory music plays.*
Carlie: Gez wait!
*Gez runs out of the ladies doors fast.*
Carlie: It has an unlock code...
Back outside in the hall...
Blonde guy: You're back!
Gez: Sure am hon! Here it is in all it's glory! My superduper ultra mega shiny new happy nokia 7890787987342875903725904237302 with changeable cover, ringtone, icons, coffee maker and umbrella attachment!!
Blonde guy: Cool! So, turn it on then babe!
Gez: Mmmmmmkay
*Gez presses the top of the nokia and the friendly orange tone comes on. Then the screen says ENTER SIM PASSWORD*
Gez: Oh shitty...
Blonde guy: What’s the problem babe?
Gez: No problem! Just gonna key in the password…
*Carlie walks from the loos to the hall and smirks at Gez*
Carlie: Are you okay Gez?
Gez: *Clenching her teeth* Yes....I’m fine.
Carlie: Oh ok, thought you were having trouble with the phone.
Gez: Well...
*punches 4 numbers into the phone, it beeps ACCESS DENIED*
Blonde guy: Do you know what you are doin’ babe?
Gez: *Sweatin’* Sure! *Looks to Carlie to give her a siiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggghhhhhhnnnnnn*
Carlie: *sighs* Here…
*A flashback scene of Michael Barrymore's my kinda music where Saba is singing Britney…*
Saba/Britney: Hit me baby 1 4 5 6 times!
*The scene fades*
Gez: Okay!
*She punches the code in and the phone beeps HI THERE!*
Gez: Phew!
Blonde guy: Cool.
Carlie: I’m gonna hurl........
Gez: Now, see my Buffy logo, and my Bloodhound Gang ringtone...
*A wild rendition of Bloodhound Gang’s Bad Touch plays.*
Carlie:Oh! My superduper ultra mega shiny new happy nokia 7890787987342875903725904237302 with changeable cover, ringtone, icons, coffee maker and umbrella attachment is ringing! I wonder who it could be! Oops!!!
Gez: Silly Carlie!
*She moves to Carlie, and holds her head*
Gez: She was bashed *bashes Carlie’s head against a locker* on the *bash again* head * again.....pain? * too *bash*....many *bash*.....times. *bash*
*Carlie falls to the floor, cartoon stars running around her head.*
Carlie: Whoooooo, wibble..........
Gez: Oh no!! The only sane person like myself is knocked out! Oh no!
Blonde guy: Stand back!
*The blonde guy plants a smacker on Carlie’s lips*
Carlie: Whoooooo whooooooo!!
*She jumps up*
Gez: Urggggggggggghhhhhhh!!
Carlie: Oh well Gez, always more fish in the sea!
*She points to a dreadlocked gothic guy with rings everywhere*
Gez: Oh joy.
Carlie: Anyway! Let’s go find Sabs and Mike
*The two disperse to the other parts of the school*
At the broom closet.............
Cilla: Now! We will rule the world!!!
Mini Cillas: Yes!!
Cilla: Now go army of um...mes!!
*The mini Cillas pour out of the broom closet and runs off into the halls of the school terrorising anyone in their path*
Cilla's: Lorra lorra laughs!!!!
Cheerleaders: Aggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
Guys getting head from them: OW!!!! Mind the teeth!
Meanwhile in the science rooms...........
Seifer: So we add this and that to the bottle and look!
*The glass vial produces a firework show, the freshmen sit in awe*
*The door thumps open and there stands Mike and Saba*
Seifer: Mike? Saba?
Saba: Yep!
Mike: Man, we gotta go.
Seifer: Why?
Saba: Look, ginger women are attacking! We have to go now!
*Suddenly, the door thumps, a mound of orange hair can be seen through the glass*
Mike: Oh no, Saba you killed her didn't you??
Saba: Well, yeah!!
*About 20 Cillas pour into the science labs, screaming freshmen get caught up in the commotion, as hungry Cillas nibble at their kneecaps, while Sabs, stiffer and Mike clamber onto a high lab table*
Saba: What do we do now?
Mike: How should I know??
Mike: Look the window!
Seifer: Look! My car!!
*The Cillas start bashing Seifer’s car*
Seifer: Oh no, my mom’s gonna kill me!
*The remaining Cillas start to shake the table*
Saba: I'll call Carlie and Gez
Meanwhile in another part of the school, on the football field, a lovestruck Carlie and Gez sit.............
Carlie: sexy, just sexy.........
Gez: I’m in love with America.
*football players Carlie's and Gez's age sit around the two girls*
Football guy #1: so Carlie, what guys do you go for?
Carlie: sensitive *giggles* and cute ones
Football guy #2: how about you Gez?
Gez: Well, you know that guy from Linkin Park?
Football guy #2: They are my favourite band!
Gez: They are?? *swoon!*
Football guy #1: Carlie, Id love to talk to you more, I just love being here with you.........
*a medley of bloodhound gang and 70's play*
Carlie and Gez: OH SHYT!
Gez: Not now!
Carlie: Not here!
Football guy #2: Whose crappy ringtone is that?
Gez: *blushing* Not mine!
*both switch their phones off*
Gez: Now, where were we?
Meanwhile back in england............
Carmilla: Where are they?
Emerald: Schewy! A blender!
*Emerald happily blends anything in sight*
Carmilla: Yes quite...........I’ve tried Carlie’s mobile, Gez's mobile, even Saba's! They rang for like a second, then switched off!
Emerald: Blend blend! Ohhhh fic idea!
*Emerald writes a fic and gets 1 million reveiws including stories of the millenium awards in TIME*
*Carmilla switches on the TV to see Anne on the weakest link*
Carmilla: God that woman is such a stuck up cow!
*Three taps sound on the door*
Carmilla: Emerald can you get that?
Emerald: No time! Fics to write!!
Carmilla: *sigh* Fine…
*Carmilla approaches the door with caution and opens it, there stands Anne Robinson*
Anne: Hello Carmilla...........
Carmilla: You, you freak!!!!!
*Carmilla runs upstairs to where Emerald is typing her newest fic and slams the door shut*
Carmilla: Emerald, we gotta go!!
Emerald: No! More fics to write!!
Carmilla: No! We go now!
*Carmilla throws a portable ladder from her room to the pavement, and clambers onto it, with Emerald still gazing at the computer*
Carmilla: Emerald, come on!!!!
Emerald: No, fics are important!!
*Carmilla runs back to the chair where Emerald sits and pulls her*
Carmilla: Come on! We have to go right now!
Emerald *Still typing*: No!!!!
Carmilla:Yes!
Emerald: No!!
Carmilla:Yes!!
*It continues like this for a good five minutes, while Anne approaches the room............*
*The doorknob rattles as Carmilla and Emerald silence…*
Carmilla *Whispering*: Emerald?
Emerald*still typing and whispering*: Yes?
Carmilla *Whispering*: Run.
Emerald: Ohhhhhhhh!!! REVIEW!!
Carmilla: SHUT THE HELL UP!!
*The door knob turns and Anne peers round*
Anne: You are both the weakest links!
*She takes her knife out.*
Carmilla and Emerald: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Anne: Goodbye.
*The door slams behind Anne as screams and reviews are read and shouted.......*
Back at the science labs............
Seifer: Long live America!
Saba: Just throw the pole!
*Seifer throws the star spangled pole into the window, making a sorta bridge over the window.*
Saba: Ok Mike, you go first ok?
Mike: Ok…
*Mike crosses easily and puts his hand out to Saba.*
Mike: Ok babe, your turn.
Saba: *Blushes* oh you!
Seifer: Not wanting to hurry ya Sabs, but........
*the Cillas get stronger and rock the table even more, shouting and screaming.*
Saba: Ohhhhhhh, ok.
*Saba crosses.*
Seifer: Wait for meeeee!!
*Seifer jumps over the gap*
Mike: Lets head for the car!
Saba: Wait! What about Carlie and Gez?
Mike: Well.....phone Carlie!
Saba:.................Do I have to?
Mike: Well, no if you don't want to…
Saba: I’ll phone her.
Mike: That’s my girl.
*The three exit the labs and run for Mike’s car as the sun starts to set.*
Still on the football field.........
Footballer #1: Oh Carlie, you complete me.
Carlie: Well thanks!
*Gez and footballer #2 sit kissing*
*Footballer #1 wraps his arms around Carlie, Carlie’s eyes close*
Carlie: Ahhhhhhhhh, this is the life..........
Gez: Yeah, I know. *She stretches* Now......what were we supposed to do again?
Carlie: I dunno.
*Bloodhound gang plays.*
Carlie: Oh! My superduper ultra mega shiny new happy nokia 7890787987342875903725904237302 with changeable cover, ringtone, icons, coffee maker and umbrella attachment is ringing! I wonder who it could be!
*She picks up*
Carlie: Hello?
Saba: Carlie? It’s Saba, its sunset, come on we gotta go.
Carlie: Oh, ok Saba, Gez and me will be there soon.
Mike on Sab’s phone: Carlie?
Carlie: Yeah Mike?
Mike: Much better fic.
Carlie: Thanks.
*Sab’s and Carlie's phones switch off*
Carlie: Gez, we gotta go.
Gez to Footie playa #2: Here’s my number, call me. *Winks*
Footie playa #2: Whooo hoooooo!!
Carlie to Footie playa #1: Here’s mine.
Footie playas: Nice meeting you!
Carlie: Bye!
*The two wave as they walk to the cars in the parking lot, where they meet Sabs, Mike and Seifer and all the guys that go to the school*
*They all say hi and shake hands and stuff*
Saba: So what now?
Carlie: Well, we better go to Canada, see what’s goin’ on up there.
Mike: That’s a good idea.
Seifer: Gez?
Gez: Yep?
Seifer: We had lil’ orange dwarf people running around biting people in the science lab, are they what’s trying to kill us?
Gez: Yep. That’ll be Cilla Black and her miniature army of the damned.
Carlie: So, who's goin’ in who's car? *Mike and Saba both bearhug, not letting go*
Gez: Ok, so Saba is in Mike’s car!, Seifer and Turin are in Mikes car, and me Carlie and.........Kuja are in our car!
Carlie: Ok! So Canada it is! Let’s go save more people!
All: YEAH!!
*as Saba Seif, Turin and Mike get in their car, Kuja forcibly refuses*
Kuja: Not without a trance!! Mwwwwwwwwahhhhhhhhhahahahahaha!!!
Gez: Get in, Kuja.
Kuja: Sorry.........
*The gang pile into different cars, heading for Canada, as the camera pans back to the two cars speeding off into the sunset, the merciless Cillas destroy the school, with large evil Cilla at the centre of this evil*
Cilla: MWWWWWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! THE WORLD WILL BE MINE TO MATCH UP!!!! AND I WILL BUY A HAT!!!!!!
*All the gang look back as the air around the school turns to a musty red colour*
All: ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
With all this mayhem, all this suspense, all this editing (^_^) will the gang be able to save the list? One is dead, two fic girl’s fates are unknown and the rest are unknown! It’s up to the three heroines and their buff guy friends to save the list and join together to vanquish this evil before its too late.............