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(The scene fades in in front of the Shin-Ra Corp. Building. There is a raised platform with a large crowd around it. Cloud is standing holding his Buster Sword, A black hood drapped over his face. Barret is holding President Rufus' head down on a chopping block. Cait Sith turns on his megaphone and begins speaking.)
Cait Sith: Testing, one, two...
(The crowd bends down in agony as the megaphone begins busting their eardrums and blood begins oozing from their ears.)
Cait Sith: (Still speaking into the mnegaphone.)Oh, Damn! Sorry, wrong Megaphone!
(Cait Sith Reaches into his pocket, deposits the MeagPhone, and pulls out a megaphone that has a bright red label stamped on it. It says 'Public Address MegaPhone'.)
Cait Sith: Better?
Angry Townsman: Get on with it!!!!
Cait Sith: Okay... (cait Sith takes a deep breath, puffs out his chest, and begins speaking in a british accent.) Hear ye, Hear ye, one and all!!! We have gathered together on this day to unite these two in holy matrimony... wait, wrong book... (Cait Sith reaches in his pocket and pulls out the 'Olde English Executions for Idiots.) Here we go!
Rufus: Cut the shit! Just hurry up and kill me!!!
Cait Sith: (ignoring Rufus.) Hear ye, Hear ye, one and all! We have gathered today for the public execution of the tyrant known as Rufus...
Mexican in Crowd: You Can Do It!!!
Rufus: I ain't no tyrant!!
Barret: (Slamming Rufus' head into the chopping block.) Shut ya hole, foo! Or my friend with the sword will kill you nice and slow! (Cloud nods his head in agreement.) Cait Sith: (Continuing.) He is to be punished in a swift yet harsh way... 37 chops with a dull buster sword! (Cloud drops his buster sword and picks up a blunt, rusty, dull buster sword.) But not before receiving 29 blows to the head with a blunt object... (Barret smiles and waves his gun-arm.) ...and 12 lashes with a cat-of-nine-tails. (Cloud picks up a cat-of-nine-tails, smiles, and hits Rufus with it.) Let the execution begin!!!
(Barret throws Rufus to his feet. He hits him repeatedly with his gun-arm. As Rufus finally begins to fall down, Cloud begins to whip him with the cat-of-nine-tales. They then pick Rufus up, put his neck and head on the chopping block.)
Rufus: You'll hear from my atourney!!
Barret: Actually, you be meetin' him in Hell today, foo! We killed that sorry sack o' shit 2 days go when you was on yo business trip!
Rufus: Oh, great!
Barret: Any last requests??? Want a cigarette???
Rufus: No thanks, I don't smoke... Just kill me and get it over with!!!
(Barret slams Rufus down on the Chopping Block once again. Cloud begins chopping away with the dull buster. As he begins to break the skin, the sky turn black. Aeris appears on the platform.)
Aeris: Hey, guys!! What ya doin'????
Cloud: I thought you were supposed to be dead!!!
Aeris: Fine then!! I come back to talk and that's all I get!!! Well, fine!!!
(As she finishes this thought. A black figure falls from the darkened skies. It's Sephiroth, and he lands in his usual style, sword straight through Aeris.)
Aeris: (Bleeding.)Why does it always happen this way?! Why!?? (Falls over
dead.) Sephiroth: (Swinging his sword down on the chopping block, decapitating
Rufus.) I have a score to settle with you...
Cloud: That was my execution!!! I was supposed to kill him!!! And you killed
Aeris too, you bastard!!!
Sephiroth: Last time we fought, you won... but this time-
Cloud: (Interrupting Sephiroth.) Whoa whoa whoa whoa!!!! First off, what
fight are you talkng about?? You mean that one when I totally destroyed you so
you couldn't rule the world?
Sephiroth: Well, come to think about it, I need to get revenge for that one
too, but that's not the one I'm concerned with...
Cloud: Then what the hell is it?????
Sephiroth: It started a long time ago...
(The screen swirls into a flashback. Sephiroth's voice is narrating.)
Sephiroth: It all started when we were in solider together. We were friends,
sure, but you were always FIRST!!! First in line for grub, first in line for
equipment; You even got the Beatles White Album before me!!!
It was always you, you, you!!! But that was okay, cause we were friends! But
it was only your first year in SOLIDER, and I had been in 4 years, and all 4
of those years I was awarded the best swordsmen, most kills, and best all
around SOLIDER. But your first year, you stole all three of them away from
me. That's what threw me into being a megaliphic maniac to begin with!! And
that's how it's been since...
(Sephiroth looks at the crowd. They are all dead asleep. Cait Sith and Barret
are looking from Sephiroth to the other, a weird look on their faces. Cloud
is still standing, tapping his foot.)
Cloud: First of all, I was never I was in SOLIDER...
Sephiroth: You weren't?
Cloud: And If I was, I wouldn't be your friend...
Sephiroth: You wouldn't?
Cait Sith: (Whispering to Barret.) I think that hair finally got to heavy
for his head to handle, and it pulled his brains out... (The remark is
accidentally picked up by the megaphone.)
Sephiroth: (Turning. Glaring at Cait Sith.) What did you say about me???
Cait Sith: (Shivering.) Nothing...
Sephiroth: Liar!! (Sephiroth picks Cait Sith up off of his mog, balls him
up, and throws him clear to the other side of town. He then falls to his
knees, hands on his face, crying.) I don't know whats going on (Sob.) I want
my Mommy!!!
Cloud: (blinks.)
Barret: (blinks.)
Cloud: Okay...
(A shadow begins to fall on the platform, and Cloud looks up in time to see
Jenova hit the platform.)
Jenova: (Talking to Sephiroth.) Poor baby! (Picks Sephiroth up and cradles
him.) It's okay! Let's go home...
(Jenova floats off, carrying Sephiroth.)
Cloud: Okay...
Barret: So, what you got planned this afternoon?
Cloud: Nothing...
Barret: Well, let's go down to Tifa's bar.
Cloud: Cool! Count me in!
(Barret and Cloud leave the sleeping crowd in front of the platform and
Rufus' dead body alone and begin their journey to Tifa's.)
* * * * *
(They arrive at Tifa's bar 20 minutes later. The only people in the bar are
Tifa, Marlene, and a wasted drunk.)
Barret: Hey Tifa!
Cloud: Hey, Tifa...
Tifa: Hey, boys!! What'll it be?
Barret: Give me a Big Beer.
Tifa: How Bout you, Cloud?
Cloud: I'll have a shot of tequlia...
(Tifa fixes the two drinks, and puts them on the bar. The two men sit down
at the bar, And Tifa sits down behind it.)
Tifa: So, what you guys been up to???
Barret: (Finishing a drink of his beer.) Nothing, really...
Cloud: (Finishing off the shot glass of Tequlia.) Nothing unusual, anyway...
Hit me, will you.
(Tifa draws her fist back and hits Cloud. Cloud flies backward, and hits the
wasted drunk as he's walking out.)
Cloud: I didn't mean it literally!
Tifa: Sorry!
Drunk: You sorry spikey headed jerk! I oughtta rip that porcipine right off
your head!!
Cloud: Sorry!
Drunk: You'll pay for that... (The drink walks out, very angry.)
Cloud: Okay...
Barret: I think he told you...
Cloud: Well I said I was sorry!!!
(Just then, The Drunk drives a gasoline truck through the front of the bar.
It crashes inward, hurting Barret. Tifa is safe behind the bar. Cloud is
lying unconscious in front of the truck.)
Barret: (Raising his Gun-Arm.) You bastard! You killed Cloud!! (Barret
begins firing madly. One of his bullets hits the fuel tank of the truck,
blowing up the entire bar.)
* * * * *
Two hours after the explosion, rescue workers found Tifa safe among the
rubble. They also found the bodies of Cloud and the drunk. Barret suffered
serious injury, and was executed after he recovered for 'Destruction of
private property'.