I finally caught up with him on the train itself. He'd accessed the cabin area with his card and was locked in our designated room. Scanning my own pass and confirming my identity, I unlocked the doors and let them open, allowing me access.
What I saw arrested my forward movement. Blade whirling in the air, Seifer was performing one of the combat forms we'd learned as SeeDs. A mixture of martial arts and weapon combat, the forms were designed to mimic real battle situations and develop balance, agility, and speed. I had only seen part of a gunblade form a year ago, when I'd walked in on Squall just as he was finishing up.
When I had said that Seifer was poetry in motion on the battlefield, I had meant it. Watching him do the form, however, was pure magic. His coat and shirt laying on the couch, he whirled the blade around fluidly, stabbing and slicing through the air as smooth as silk. Seifer's eyes were closed, his brow furrowed in concentration as he twirled and cut the air with a controlled movement which I knew ever connected with an opponent would slice him in two. Barely audible grunts told just how much power he was putting into his swings, his muscles flexing with each blow. It was the way they were controlled however, the way he managed to stop even the fastest chops and slices that told more than anything else the strength and ferocity of the man behind the blade.
He executed one last maneuver which came within millimeters of slicing the room's sofa, eased down on one knee, the other leg straight out to the side and the gunblade held horizontal above his head. Exhaling slowly, his eyes opened and he saw me, but there was no surprise in the gaze. Either he'd known I was there, or was good at hiding the fact he hadn't. Standing up as gracefully as he'd moved mere seconds ago, he twirled the gunblade around and sheathed it. "Enjoy the show?"
Unsure of what to say, I shook my head as he picked up his shirt. "Seifer, you puzzle the hell out of me, you know that?"
Something flickered in his eyes, but was gone before I could tell what it might have been. "I live to please," he commented, a hint of his normal smirk playing over his lips as he slid the shirt over his head.
"I mean it Seifer." Shaking my head and still not sure what I was getting at, I leaned against the wall next to the door. "I don't understand you at all; no matter how hard I try to figure you out, you always manage to surprise me somehow."
His smirk had died, but his eyes remained enigmatic. "Surprised that I know how to use the gunblade?"
"No, surprised that I never noticed, or thought about, what you probably have to go through every day."
He visibly stiffened, and his face hardened. "I deal with my own problems, I don't need a meddling teacher putting her nose in where it doesn't belong."
I knew I'd messed up by being so blunt, but it was too late to back down. "Do you have to deal with that kind of thing day in and day out? Why didn't you talk to someone about it?"
His eyes flickered away, then focussed back on me. "What makes you think I haven't tried?"
The statement shocked me. Had Seifer really tried to get help, only to be rebuffed? Trying to imagine him desperate enough to seek advice was mind-boggling enough, but that he hadn't gotten it... "Who was it? Seifer, I'm sorry, but why..."
He was across the room faster than I'd thought possible. I swallowed a yelp and pressed myself against the wall as he leaned into me. His face was inches from mine, and I couldn't help but be slightly intimidated; he was over half a foot taller than me and a lot bigger than I was, and all the anger in his eyes was directed right at me. I'd be a fool not to be a little fearful.
"I don't want your pity," he grit out. "I knew if I ever went to any of you that's what I would get. 'The poor Sorceress' Knight, she's defeated so now do we do with him?'" He drew closer to me, if that was possible. "I told you once, I deal with my own problems, my own way. I can't trust anyone else, especially not anyone who doesn't have a clue what I'm going through."
"But you said you tried," I interjected, feeling a bit nervous having him this close. "Why didn't they try to support you, make it so you could make amends?"
"Why don't you tell me the answer to that?"
I stared at him in confusion, then the meaning of his words hit me. "You never asked for my help!" I stated, incredulous.
His eyes flickered to the side for a moment, then refocussed on me. "Should I have had to?"
I opened my mouth to say something, but there was nothing to say. I couldn't bare to look in his eyes and dropped my gaze. He moved back away from me, then brushed past my shoulder out the cabin doors. They shut behind him and I was left alone in the cabin.
I couldn't do more than stand there for a minute, but I eventually made my way across the cabin to the couch. Collapsing more than sitting, I leaned back and laid my hand over my eyes. I knew my whole part in this little passion play, I knew it well.
Like everyone else at Garden and beyond, I'd shunned Seifer since his return. I'd questioned Cid's decisions, and done my utmost to make Seifer feel unwanted. And, no surprise, it had worked; how could it not when just about everyone had been acting the same way. I'd become just like everyone else, quick to judge and slow to forgive. There had never been a doubt in my mind that Seifer's withdrawal had been because of the defeat, that it had been a blow to his pride. Now I wondered, though, could it have been more than that? Could it be that, more than a blow to his ego, he was actually sorry?
The doors swished open again. I wasn't ready to face Seifer again, but I sighed and, opening my eyes, looked forward to see Irvine silhouetted in the doorway.