Disclaimer:Square owns FF8 but I can still write fics 'inspired' by it, right? Right?
Rain Falling Softly On My Window
By
eaglewing
The storm was passing. Laguna watched, as the raindrops grew smaller, their sound turning to light, gentle tapping. His eyes started to water a little. Rain did that to him. It always, always reminded him of her. And so did those eyes that were now averted to the ceiling. The eyes of the boy he needed to talk to.
Squall was leaning on a wall in the far corner. "I have to tell you something." That was all Laguna had told him. Well, it was time they did. From what Kiros and Ward had spoken to him previously, he guessed they knew something about his parents. He didn't know anything about them and wasn't so sure he wanted to know. They're gone, he thought. Why dwell with what's in the past? There was still so much to do and so much still to live for. Images of fireworks and shooting stars started to flash in his mind. Images that was far more soothing than the thoughts that used to cloud his thinking.
"Squall?" A rather hesitant voice disturbed his mental wandering.
He walked over to the speaker. This man, whom he had been sharing a head with. Squall just hoped Ellone had never taken this man on journeys through his head. He had learned more than he'd like to from walking around with this man's thoughts. Literally seeing the world through Laguna's eyes.
"I don't know if you'd want to hear this.."
What? Squall was bemused. Had he finally figured out his endless jabbering was a pain? Or was he saying that Esthar was so fund-strapped the SeeD wouldn't be paid for the mission? Probably the latter.
"If you mean payment, we understand Esthar may need to concentrate on rebuilding. The fee can wait till later."
"No, that's not, won't be the problem." Laguna shook his head.
"It's personal."
Squall's stomach churned. Did he want an apology for him having called Laguna a moron? Yet the expression on his face belied no displeasure, nor anger. Instead, he saw sadness and a hint of fear. What was he afraid of? Squall, restless, started tapping his foot impatiently.
"Well?" He sounded more abrupt than he wanted, but that was out of habit.
Laguna thought, he's got more of her in him than he knows.
"Well?" That was what she had said that fateful morning. "You're going, right?" Laguna nodded. He swallowed, as she fixed a hard stare on him. "You're going to get her back." More an affirmation than a question. More like an order, really. He nodded again. "You're gonna come back, both of you?" He drew her in his arms as she began to cry. His hard, cold, Raine. Trying so hard to put on a shell of defiance against the world. She would act so tough, but he knew her. She was as soft inside, as she be hard outside.
Laguna could almost hear her whisper through Squall's eyes, "You didn't come back."
He should have been there.
He should have known.
Those eyes, he couldn't hide from them forever.
"Squall..(might as well get this over with)...your..your mother.."
"What about my mother?"
That voice again. Laguna was almost quaking. Raine could sure scare him when she got mad. Her son was no exception.
"Well, uhm, you see..you know Raine, right? She's your mother."
Silence.
"So, like, I married Raine. Which makes me, like, your.."
"YOU are my father??!"
He wasn't taking it too good. But then, Laguna had expected that. To know the moron of the guy whose head you were stuck in was your father. Sure, had to be mind-boggling.
"Well..I said you wouldn't want to hear it.."
"You have got to be messing with me." Squall took a step backwards. "I, I need time to think about this."
This can't be true. His mind couldn't cope with this. Nothing computed. This moron was his, father? Then, why tell him now? Although, it kind of made sense telling him after the battle with Ultimecia. Squall wasn't so sure if he'd have fought with a clear head knowing beforehand. For sure, it was messing up his head right then.
But then, Ellone would know, right? Was that why they had been so close? Because they had come to the orphanage together. In a way, she really had been his 'Sis' for Raine had adopted her. It explained how his memories of the orphanage, though fuzzy, were mostly filled with one thing, Ellone holding him. Separated from the two people who had loved her almost too much, she had given him as much as she got from them. She meant well, but in the end he'd gotten too dependent on her. Her love had, at first, shielded him but ended up crippling his emotions. "We'll be alright, Squall. As long as you've got me and I've got you." But she had gone. And he was left, too scared and too ignorant to learn to depend on anyone else but his Sis.
"I'm sorry, Squall."
"What's that for? I don't need your apologies. I don't even need you. Not after all this time."
"I know that. You've grown up just fine without me."
"Just fine. If only you knew."
Laguna looked on the face of his son. Squall was studiously averting his glance. Quiet, but then his body started shaking. Steadily, more violently, as if he were about to explode.
"Why?" He turned his gaze back on his father.
"Why didn't you come back?"
"I couldn't, Squall. I couldn't. Not until I was sure Adel couldn't harm anyone ever. So she wouldn't come find Ellone again. I sent Elle back to Winhill because I thought she would be safe there. Away from Esthar, with family. Then Raine died and they took the two of you away."
"You could have come for us."
"It wasn't that simple."
Laguna sighed. "I was so afraid of what would happen to the people I love if Adel were to revive. And I never, found out about you until Elle came to Lunar Base. I couldn't bear to go back to Winhill when Raine died. They had her buried before I could ever get there anyway. I couldn't find Elle. I thought I'd lost everything, everyone I've loved. To keep the world safe, I put Esthar in isolation."
"I thought burying myself in my work would help me forget. But it didn't. It hurts, to lose the people you love. When Elle came back, I was just so happy. And now I've found you. Raine's alive again." He paused.
"In you."
"I'm my own person. Not the embodiment of some ghost. What do you expect of me?" Squall shouted.
"I don't expect anything. Thought you had the right to know. And I hope you understand that I'm here if you ever need me."
Squall only snorted in reply.
"Squall, if there was one thing I could change, I'd want us all to be together. You, Ellone, Raine and me. How it should have been. But there are circumstances beyond your control. There weren't a lot of choices I could make."
"And sometimes, there is only one path…", Squall remembered Irvine saying something like that. As he looked at Laguna, he remembered what he had seen in the dream world. What he had seen before the final confrontation with Ultimecia. He knew this man. His joys, his pains, his problems. Imperfect, bumbling, moronic, but a good man. A man who had the courage to fight for what he believed in. Who would risk his life for the people he loved. He understood that part too well.
"No matter how much I want to hate you, I can't. I want to blame you for my life, my misery but that wouldn't be fair. The past is what it was. The future is what you make of it." Holding out his gloved hand, he said, "I don't normally do this." Laguna, smiling, took the hand offered and gave it a shake.
"Just don't be calling me son. Yet."
As Squall walked out of the room, Laguna couldn't help but smile. The storm was brief, but it passed. With the light, falling raindrops, the sun had come out and bringing with it, a little hope.