Off the Pillar.

Well, Well, another day, another hour, another job, another paycheck. I hate this fucking city and I don't give a fuck about this damned company, but it pays well. It is damned, it's slowly going to hell. Actually it's slowly turning into hell right beneath our very noses. I'd get out but the pay is too good and there's no need to deny my final outcome. I'm going to hell and I might as well get used to it now. I looked out the helicopter window and looked down into a big black hole. The slums. I love the slums. Most people would beg to differ but I'm not most people. The city is fake and manufactured. Manufactured buildings, manufactured power, manufactured people, manufactured dreams, values, morals, etc. You name it; it's been manipulated in some way. And there are a few like me that see past the industrial mega monolith called Midgar. Like Avalanche per say, I find them quite intriguing. People from the slums, quite odd yet interesting, they bewilder me sometimes. They can live life to their fullest in what seems to be a diseased rat infested hole in the ground. The slums are so full of culture and diversity; there are no boundaries to what can happen below the festering plate. How ironic that such a confining area can produce more freedom than the plate-dwellers could ever imagine. And the city rejects are oblivious to what they have. Ahhh...exodus. So rich and yummy.

"Go."

I snapped out of my tranced fixation on the slums and looked at Tseng. My eyes no longer glazed over I nodded at him. I looked at the pillar and saw our hero's. I leaned out of the helicopter and the first thing that met me was the distinct smell that only the slums could have. Bread, honey, and good home cooked foods instead of microwave dinners, mixed with the stench of garbage, piss, and rot. I sometimes wonder if I would choose this over the sterilized aroma of Midgar and the starched halls of the ShinRa building. I breathed in to let my surroundings engulf me, to try to adjust myself. I jumped below and I felt like a foreign virus infecting the nervous system. Getting ready to infect a limb and paralyze it with no chance of recuperation. I felt so foreign; I'm not supposed to be here. And looking at the faces of those who call themselves Avalanche they seemed to agree with me. I ran to the controls to make sure I had done my duty and to insure my paycheck for this mission. Then it was my time to play. I turned and looked at a blond young man, I was astonished at how young he was. But I'm one to talk, I'm an assassin and I'm what, 24? Wow, I'm 24, maybe a few years ago that would've excited me but now...I just don't know. Shouldn't I be out trying to make something of myself? Chasing down women? I...I?? I should get back to what I'm doing. My eagerness to fight Avalanche was dulled. This was not going to be a good fight. I looked at them and I took the defensive. I let them attack me; I trapped them in my pyramid so on so forth. They learned quickly...they knew how to handle my pyramid. I didn't care...that didn't help me much. They all had their share of me. But I just smiled and put on a false facade, turned, and jumped of the pillar. How amusing to see their faces. They probably thought I was committing suicide. He he...never. That would be too weak. I don't show weakness. I can't bear showing weakness, it's my biggest fear and I have fought to hard not to act or show my weaknesses. Maybe this is why I joined the Turks, to prove to myself that I am not a coward, that I'm not weak. I don't show anything but anger or playful humor. If a time calls for any emotion other than that I tend to stay quite or walk off somewhere where I can't be seen. I don't remember when was the last time I cried. It's ironic...not being able to show emotion is considered weak and yet I don't show my emotions because I think it is weak to show emotions such as pain and sorrow. I know this and yet I still live with the fact that I cannot show my true feelings. I'm too afraid to and I don't know why. I landed on Tseng's helicopter below and feel asleep as soon as I got inside. I don't care what happens next. I faded away...I was rocked into the smooth waves of oblivion. It felt so good...

* * * * *

I woke up in an infirmary...I had bandages wrapped around my waist. I looked around to see disappointing stark white walls and have disinfectant chemical stenches fill my nose. I stood up and looked at my medical files. I threw them down...that's not good...why can't I be better? Why the fuck am I like this? I evaluated myself in the mirror and decided I'd be okay to leave the infirmary.

I walked down to my dorm and found my old peewee soccer shirt. It still fit me...after all these years...I could still fit into it. I looked at myself in the mirror again and I stood there. Childhood? Where did it go? Why did I have to grow up? Why did I have to mature? Did I mature? Or am I trapped in an adult's body with a mind of a child...playing a simple game of cat and mouse for a living? [I'm smiling..while lieing to you...] I looked away and went fishing under my bed for a wooden box. I found it and pulled out a bottle with a black label. I looked at it then went finishing under my bed again. This time I pulled out a long black case and headed to the roof of the ShinRa building. My sanctuary. Not many people know about this place and few people have ever seen the city like this. The city almost seems so clam, so quiet and serene. Not at all what you see on the street or what the city truly was. The city almost seems peaceful and kind. I opened a small pocket on the black case and searched around for a leather booklet with a rubber band around it. I shuffled to a blank page and looked out at the city. It was still full of life even at this hour. People were still scurrying about doing their jobs, looking for cheap entertainment, finding and outlet from their daily lives. I looked at the black pages staring up at me from my lap and drank from the bottle that occasionally becomes my best friend.

"The city is a whore tonight"

One line...how disappointing...I can't write tonight...I would think I would be able to write more with everything that has happened today. I shut away my book and put it back it the pocket and took the bottle to my mouth again. Although this time I didn't swallow. I looked out at the city and spit out the liquid in my mouth and threw the bottle over the edge. I stood up and opened the black case and pulled out a long, thin, bow and tightened the horsehairs. I looked at it a moment and removed a piece of cloth covering strings pulled tightly over a wooden fingerboard. The four strings each sang a tune as I removed a strap holding the wooden instrument in its place. I plucked the strings and fine tuned the instrument then stepped over the safety rails and leaned against them. I positioned the violin under my cheek and looking down the fingerboard I could see the lights, highways, and various minor celebrations that were being held. I stood there...

"Mmm....skyscraper...I love you."

Up until then the night was silent with the exception of the whistling wind. But now the wind sang along side with the strings held before me.

~Fin