RoAd TrIp!
A FF8 Fan Fic
By QuistisChick

Chapter One - The Break Down

(This one takes place . . . well, it just sort of happens. Confused? Yeah, me too!)

God, my butt hurts. Really hurts. Like alot. Does yours? Rinoa? Hello! I'm talking to you. How rude. She should be responding. Gasp! What if she's ignoring me becasue she doesn't like me? But, that can't be right. Hmm. Hello! Rinoa! Listen to me! MY FRIKIN' BUTT HURTS!!!!!!!!! RINOA!

"Squall, for the kuh-zillionith time, you have to say something for me to understand you. I can't read minds, you know," Rinoa said, rolling down her window. The six heroes had been in the car for three weeks. After a suggestion by Zell, ("Hey guys! Let's take a road trip! We'll get to know each other better!") and after he piad them all, they decided to take a road trip to, well, that was the problem. There was no destination. Just driving. And driving. And driving. Till the cows came home. And the cows had indeed come home, but they continued along anyhow. Miles away from civilization, they were low on money, gas, food, water, and indeed, everyone's butt hurt.

"So like, does anyone else have to pee?" Irvine asked. There was a breif silence before the others responded.

"Oh yes! REAL bad!" Selphie whined.

"My bladders gonna explode!" Zell complained.

"I don't even have enough room to cross my legs," Quistis said, squirming.

"If we pass one more lake, I'm gonna loose it," Rinoa grumbled. Squall just nodded and continued driving. There was another long silence.

"Dude, Squall, pull over! I'll go in a bush! This is TORTURE! My bladder can only hold so much! MAN, PLEEEEEEEEEEASE!" Zell practically screamed. Squall rolled his eyes.

"There are no bushes. We hit desert five minutes ago. Use the Burger King cup back there if you're that desperate," Squall replied sarcastically. About three seconds later, Quistis let out a scream and the sound of running water filled the car. Zell sighed in releif.

"OH THAT IS JUST SICK!" Quistis yelped, covering her eyes. Zell leaned over and set the cup on the floor. Irvine, who didn't noticed what happened, picked it up.

"Hey, cool! No one drank their Mountian Dew from Burger King," and with that, he gulped down the 'dew'. Selphie stucked her head out of the window and vomited.

"What?" Irvine asked. There was another silence, and then Zell started up again.

"Dude, Squall, I don't think we have a cup big enough to hold what I need to do next! My colon's gonna explo-"

"EW! I get the picture, unfortunitly. Um, oh look! A friendly merchant!"

Squall pulled the mini-van (it was the only thing that could hold them all) over to the side of the street. There was a broken-down, ugly, ransacked shack with a man who looked like he could easily kill you along the side. Squall parked, and Rinoa gave him a frightened look.

"Friendly merchant? Squall! The guy looks like he's gonna - oh god!!!!!!!!! He's coming over here!"

Surely enough, the man was making his way over to the van. Even Squall had to admitt he was creepy.

Standing almost a disgusting six feet, (that was how tall he was bent over with a hump) his gray facial hair with bits of food and god-only-knows what else reached the ground. Missing teeth, he secreted a smell most humans only thought only dead pigs could. He was bald, un-naturally skinny, and had beady little black eyes. His clothes were tattered and he was leering at Rinoa. She grabbed Squall's shoulders and sheilded herself from it's gaze.

Squall pulled the top of his shirt up to cover his nose, and said, "Hello, sir. Um, do you have a bathroom?" And he added silently, I doubt that though, or else I think youd've showered by now. The man weezed out a laugh. He pointed a super long and bony finger to an outhouse. What appeared to be a dead cow was laying in front. At least Squall hoped it was a dead cow.

"Over there," it cakled. Squall looked back at Zell. His friend was frantically shaking his head, then reached down and started breathing into an empty Doritos bag. Quistis looked rather green, Irvine was turning several shades of green as well, and Selphie was burying her head in Irvine's shoulder. The fumes were creeping into the van, and the Doritos bag disetigrated from the smell.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. Our friend suddenly realized he didn't have to go. He was just mistaking it for . . .for a kidney stone." Quistis gently kicked Zell's leg and he started to make disturbing noises.

The man shrugged, and some lice jumped of him and onto the dashboard. Squall leaned back in hopes it wouldn't nest in his hair. The man walked away. They all breathed a sigh of releif, then immediatly covered their mouths as the smell got to them.

Squall hurridly started the van. It got ten feet before breaking down.

"Dear god no. Not here. No . . . " Rinoa said. All of them turned back to see the man walking up.

"Squall! Just get out and run! Run! Run! RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Irvine pleaded.

But it was too late.

The man was there.

"I reckon you be needen a place to stay fer the night? Uh heh heh heh," The man said. Squall relutantly opened the van door. Stepping out, he felt something jump on him from behind. Rinoa had lunged and attached herself to his back. Her cat-like claws dug into his arm, and she wispered,

"If he so much as lays a bony finger on me, I will personally come and kill you in your sleep Squall. Be afraid. Be VERY afriad."