Chapter Three - The Wedding

"Zell. If I live through this, I'm going to kill you. Literally. Kill you. Hear me?! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US?! God, I could just . . . ugh!" Squall paced the upstairs room. Irvine was spaced out, and Zell was punching air.

"ME?! Does 'Oh, a kind merchant!' ring a bell Squall! Merchant? What the hell?! Are you insane?!" he said, coming to his defense. Irvine said nothing, and Squall continued pacing. They had been locked in this room for an hour and the tesion was so thick you cut a gunblade through it.

It was the tenth argument of it's kind. They had no idea where the girls were, let alone what was going to happen next. After another argument, the old man opened the door.

"Well, it's hitchin time!" the hunched over creature announced. Squall was ready to pounce on him and strgngle him, but didn't really want to touch it . . . The old man cackled as he headed down stairs. Squall shook his head and followed him out. Zell followed, and Irvine still didn't move.

"Well, now that we're down here, I might as well clear up a few things. First, ye *will* marry my daughters, and ye *will* love them, make me self clear? If not, dem girls gonna git it!" the old man threatened.

"What'd you do with Rinoa?!" Squall exclaimed, ignoring his warning and started to summon Shiva.

Before the old man could react, the floor was covered with ice. A large chunk uprooted, and the GF Shiva was there in all her glory. Only, this time, when she burst out, she just stood there, and frowned. Since Squall and Zell had dissapered during the summoning, Irvine pulled himself of the bed and headed down.

"The heck?" he asked, when he saw the old man hiding under a box and Shiva sitting there, sighing. He took his hat off and scrathced his head, looking at the giant GF.

"Um, what the hey is goin' on?" he asked, more concerned that the GF wasn't attacking rather than that his wedding was in moments.

"Oh, Ifrit and I had a fight! It was, it was," she trailed off, crying. The tears were as big as Irvine's head. He put his hat back on and backed up.

"Damn hussie! That Siren . . . she stole my man from me. I knew she was jealous, but gosh! Wahhhhhhhhhhh!" her whining shook the house's weak foundation. Irvine balanced himself and made his way over the ice chunks on the floor.

"Well, in my experience with woman," he said, slipping on the ice and falling on his butt. "Oh ouch. Anyhow, a good way for a guy to like you is when yo already have a boyfriend-"

"But I don't! Ah ah wahhhhhhh!" she sadi, and the old man shivered.

"Welp, now I ain't no expert on GF love, but I know Diablos has a thing for Siren, so if you two hookup, Siren and Ifrit'll be jealous, and you'll get your man back, and Diablos'll get Siren. Get it?" he siad, pulling himself to his feet.

"Y-yeah. Do you think it'll work?" she asked, thinking.

"Oh yeah. Me an' this girl Cher had a thing like this back in Galbadia."

"Welp, thank you! I think I'll try that!" she said, and dissapeard. Squall and Zell reappered.

"What took so long?" Zell demanded.

"Nothin', just a little love problem."

**********

"Ah! It's getting closer! Make it go awaaaaaaaaay!!!!" Rinoa screeched. Quistis stood in a fighting stance, a stick in hand.

After Squall and the guys were taken to the upstairs room, the girls were escorted to the backyard. There was a giant cage around a small swamp. they were put in it and were mad for a while. Then the one-eyed aligater came out. The thing was massive. Titanic. Rinoa was having a nervous breakdown, Selphie was screaming franticaly, and Quistis was trying to keep her cool.

She jabbed menacingly at the giant creature, and it bit at her. She screeched and backed up. Now all three of them were up agaisnt the cage wall.

Quistis looked around. There were vines and moss growing on the roof of the cage. A large rock protruted from the swamp's water, and there was a broken-up, old fashioned, push wheellawn mower by the cage's wall.

Quistis interrupted Selphie's scream by saying, "I know how to get out of here!"