Chapter Four - Indiana Quisty

(There's a tiny spoiler ahead, about Laguna, so if you don't want to know, don't go on! I included a chapter summary at the end for those of you who wanna skip it!)

"So, now what, Squall?" Irvine asked as the three sneaked out the door. Squall cranned his neck past the door frame and saw the three girls across the swamp, in the giant cage.

"Hey look, it's- oh nooooooooooooooooo! Not now!" he said, falling to his knees. He grabbed his head and Zell dropped next to him.

"Aw man, this always interrupts important stu-" Zell started, but fell asleep. Irvine was left with two options: One, he rescuses the girls and leaves the boys to the sisters, and two, he stays there until they-

Irvine ran off.

Doooooo Doooo Dooooooooooflashbackstuffooooooooooo. . . .

"You're a pretty good reader, Ellone!" Laguna praised the little girl, who was reading her favorite story about farm animals out loud. She nodded and looked up at him.

"So yoo're proud of me, Uncle Laguna?" she asked. He nodded, and she smiled. She picked the book up and walked over to him. "Will yoo read the rest?"

"You were doing a good job, but if you want me to I will," he said, taking the book. She plopped down on the floor by his feet.

"And then the horse said, 'nay'. The horse likes to run. He is very fast," Laguna read. He flipped the page. "And the pig says . . . hey Ellone, what noise does a pig make?"

"It says 'oink'!" she said. He nodded.

"Good! The pig's best friend is the lamb. It says-"

"Bah!" she giggled. Laguna nodded.

"Right again. Hey, what noise does the frog make?" he asked.

"I know! He goes, 'bud-weis-er'!" she giggled agian, and Laguna shook his head.

"Don't let Raine hear you say that one!" he said.

"She doesn't have to let me, I already did!" Raine said, standing in the door frame to Laguna's room, surprising them. "What have you been teaching her? I leave you alone for one second and this is what you tell her? Laguna, you are so-"

Oh boy, she's going off one one her irrelevant tangents again, he thought. When she was done, Ellone had to go downstairs while Raine gave Laguna a more fowl tounge lashing. So Laguna was left alone . . . with Raine. He looked around the room, averting any eye contact with her. She did the 'I'm sighing now and here's your chance to say something or else we'll be in an akward silence' move. He cleared his throat.

"Ahem, so uh . . . nice weather we've been having, huh?"

"It's twenty below with the wind chill and the streets are iced over."

"Well, it's great weather if you're a penguin. If you were a pengiun you'd consider this weather to be the bee's keys."

"Um, I think you mean the 'bee's knees'."

"Right. You know what I meant." The silence reappeared. And he suddenly became very interested in his shoes. Wow, he thought. I have really tiny feet. I wonder if it's natural to have feet this small. For a guy, I mean. Wait, who am I talking too?

"I have small feet!" he exclaimed, and Raine's head shot up.

"What?"

Stupid head, he scolded his brain. "Um, I said I have small feet. Ya' know, for a guy and all." Raine raised an eyebrow at him. Then she laughed.

"You never cease to amaze me, Laguna. Well, I have to get Ellone to bed," she said, walking off. He looked around the room. Well, whatever that was, I think it was pretty good, he thought. I'm a genius!

. . . Dooooo doooobacktothepresentstuffdoooododododoo. . .

"Alright, ready Selphie?" Quistis asked, a slimy vine in hand. The boppy girl nodded, then gulped. Rinoa was ready too, the beat up lawnmower in hand. The aligator leered a them. Selphie gripped Quistis' waist. "Here we - aw, I'm just not inspired! This moment could be SO much more cooler than it is!"

Rinoa thought for a moment, then her eyes lit up. "This is just like out of some Indiana Jones or James Bond movie! If we pull this off, it'll be too cool!"

"Yeah, like when Luke saved Princess Leia from Jabba the Hutt's sailbarge!" Selphie added. Quistis stood ready.

"Y-you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asked hesitantly. The girls nodded.

"Okay! Let's do it!" The all took a deep breath.

". . . Bum bum bum bum! Bummmmm! Bum bum bum bum bum bum!" They broke out in a chorus of 'Star Wars' theme song. Quistis pulled back on the vine and ran forward. Both Selphie and her screamed as they lifted off the ground, swinging wildly through the air.

"Go Rinoa!" Selphie yelped, holding onto Quistis for dear life. Rinoa ran forward with the lawnmower, hitting the giant alligator square on with the blades. Quistis and Selphie landed on the rock, and threw the vine back for Rinoa.

Before it reached her, the aligator's wife poked it's head out of the murky waters, and, well, ate it.

"Gahhhhh!" Rinoa gahhed, and backed into the corner. She now had a ticked off female aligator, a now ill-tempered male aligator, and no weapon.

"Rinoa!" Quistis cried, partially fearing for her friends life and disbeilieving she was stuck on a rock in the middle of the swamp.

*****

"Finally! God I HATE the dream world!" Squall complained, standing up and shaking his head. Zell got up a moment later, and the two SeeDs looked around.

"So what's up with Laguna?" Zell asked as they headed for the big cage. Squall shrugged.

"Geez, Laguna is a MORAN! I'm gonna kill Ellone! Why is she still sending us back there? I mean, the guy is currently part of our party, practically," Squall complained. Zell laughed.

"What?" Squall demanded.

"The MORAN part. Must run in the family!" Squall slapped him upside the head as they reached the swamp.

"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII -gasp gasp- NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOO -pant gasp- OOOAAAAAAA!!" Squall, um, 'gaspantated'. He ran up to the fence, hit it, and fell over. He got up and kept doing it.

"Dude, what are you doing?" Zell asked.

"Gotta get-" POOPMH "-into-" BANG "-OUCH! big-" BOOF "-cage and-" SLAM "-save Rinoa with-" GOINK "-critical HP!" SHAWANG!

"Aw man, that's gotta hurt. . . Selphie! NOOOO! In danger! Must save!" Irvine said, running into the fence.

"Yeesh! You guys are nutso!" Zell said, walking up to the fence and opening a gate. The girls ran out, and Rinoa scamppered over the aligators.

"This is getting ridiculous!" Squall said, pulling out an Aura. He grabbed a stcik and ran forward, flailing it madly at the fence.

"Reznokuken! Rough Divide!" he squeled, whipping the stick around menicingly. He somehow managed to flip the gate's handle up. It slowly opened.

"Ah ha! I am the victor! Come girls!" he said, raising the twig triumphantly. Rinoa tapped him on the shoulder.

"Um, Squall, we're all out," she said. His face grew emotionless. "It was a nice effort, though."

He rubbed a welt on his forehead he got from ramming the fence. "Whatever. Taken' all the fun out of it . . ." The group headed to the street, oblivious to the three sets of eyes watching them from inside the shack.