Chapter Seven - Family Ties

As soon as they were outside, Selphie skidded to a halt. "What about Quistis!?" she asked. Zell smacked his forehead.

"Oh duh! Hmmm, okay, Selphie, you and Rinoa go save Quistis. Irvien you come with me, we'lll get Sq -" he was cut off by a hand grappling his throat.

"DO YOU DARE DEFY MY ORDERS, YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF COW DUNG?" Rinoa said in her demonic voice. Zell was trying to pry off her hands.

"No! No I would never do that!!" he said, and Rinoa dropped him. She returned to normal.

"Okay, who was gonna go save Squall?" she asked in her cherry voice. Zell groaned.

"Rinoa, you and I are going to save Squall, Selphie and Irvine, go save Quistis," he said. They all ran off to their designated rescue spots.

***

In the hotel room where Seifer took Quistis . . .

"Woa! This is hard to do in handcuffs!"

"But it makes it more . . . interesting . . . "

"Okay, your turn."

"Let's see . . . oh this is a new one!"

"Hey, watch where you put that!"

"Sorry, I slipped!"

***

Zell and Rinoa waited around Town Square. Deiling City was eerie at night. Zell was leaning against a lamp post. Suddenly, a scantily clad woman sauntered up to him. He turned to look at her. "Uh, can I help you?"

"You wanna get with this, baby? Huh, you want Latifa's hot bod? Five hundred bucks for this peice of meat!" she said, slapping her thigh. Zell ran away screaming.

"WAHAHAHAHAHAHHH! NOOOO!" Latifa just walked away.

"You don't know what you missing, baby! Latifa's the best ride in town!"

"I want my mommy!" Zell said, running over to Rinoa. Rinoa looked at him.

"What?" she asked.

"Did you see the thighs on that chick?? CELULATE!!! CELULATE!!!" Rinoa rolled her eyes. She heard a voice in the background.

"Rinoa? Rinoa! Dear!" her father was headed for them. She screamed. Zell saw something move out of the corner of his eye.

"Okay baby! Two hundred!" Latifa said, slapping her leg, the fat jiggling. Zell screamed.

"Rinoa my dear sweet daughter! Let's make up! Our fighting is pointless. Please come home," General Callaway said.

"Come on baby, you want Latifa? Latifa show you what a real woman do to little boy like you!"

"OH GOD SAVE US" they both cried out. A holy beam of light shot down on them. They slowly lifted into the air.

"No way! God is saving us!" Zell yelped happily. He looked up, and saw a little green face peering down on them from inside the light.

"AHHHHH! NOOOO!" Rinoa screamed.

"Elixers?" the face asked.

"It's Pu Pu!!!" Zell screamed. "No! No elixers!"

"Bye bye!" Pu Pu dropped them from 80 feet in the air. They screamed as they plummeted down to earth.

"I wish I would have married Squall before I died!" Rinoa cried out.

"I wish I could have had sex before I died!" Zell cried out. Rinoa looked at him just before they hit the ground.

"You never - wah!!!!!!!!!" she screamed as they came face to face with gravel. Suddenly, a black hole appeared.

"What the?" Zell said. Down they fell into the hole. "What is this thing?"

"I think it's a Plot Hole!" Rinoa screamed.

"A what?"

"A plot hole! It's what authors stick in stories when the run out ideas!"

"Oh!"

They saw a light at the end of the tunnel. They fell out and landed on someone.

"What the? Oh my gosh! It's -"

BZEEET!

"Darn computer! Why do you always freeze up- Oh there it goes!" QuistisChick said.

BZEEET!

"Laguna?!?!" Zell asked.

"No, my name's Todd. Laguna's over there."

"Ooops! Sorry!" They ran over to Laguna.

***

Meanwhile, in the Deiling City Hotel . . .

"Okay Selphie, we're gonna bust the door down! Ready?"

"Ready!"

"Okay, 1, 2, 3!"

Selphie and Irvine knocked the door in, only after they stood up, rubbing their shoulders did they realize it was unlocked. They looked up to see -

"OH MY GOD!" Selphie screamed.