NEW!!! A link to H4x0rd00d69's rumour's page, as featured in "The Best Laid Plans!" This is VERY IMPORTANT. You'll need to get to know H4x0r-he's our replacement for Bunnysquall! So go see his page here.

In all my time of surfing Final Fantasy sites, one of the things I've enjoyed most is reading internet rumours about resurrecting Palmer/getting Dio on your party and other such crap. The thing that made me laugh most was the way some people fell for it hook line and sinker. Congratulations to Ben Lansig, btw. Anyway, here are some of the most stupid rumours I've found on my travels, with my comments underneath.

THE EARTH WEAPON RUMOUR
This Weapon is cunningly disguised as a mountain!
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Yes, cunning! Very very cunning! I'll remember that-next time I don't want to be seen, I'll disguise myself as a mountain. Thanks for the tip!

THE RYU FROM BREATH OF FIRE THREE RUMOUR
Walk around each mountain, and you're supposed to find it eventually. Apparently Ryu from Breath of Fire 3 is available as a secret character. Supposedly if, while at the Shinra Mansion on the first CD, you enter in the combination Right 45, Left 16, Right 84, Left 69, you should hear a ``clink´´ for each number. Then, while on the third CD, you go back into Midgar using the sector 5 key and talk to a man in the tunnel near Aeris´s house (they don´t say which). Then go to the weapons dealer in sector 5 and buy 10 of each of his items. He´ll tell you about a boy in Midgar changing into a dragon. Go to the church where you met Aeris and there should be a little red dragon on the roof. Talk to it and choose to say "Hungry?". The dragon will change back into Ryu and join you.
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Oh, come on. BOF3 was released a year after FF7. Pleez.

THE METEOR RUMOUR
Okay, defeat Jenova Synthesis, Bizarro Sephiroth, and Safer Sephiroth, and start escaping from the crater. When the battle between Cloud and Final Sephiroth ensues, start to run away. You won't be able to, but keep doing it. Sephiroth will hit you for 1 damage at intervals. Keep running. You have a 1 in 128 chance of escaping when he hits you. When you finally escape, you will be standing outside of Midgar (don't ask me how.) You will have a brief moment of thought and then you will commence the battle with Meteor. Meteor Stats: ----- HP: 9,999,999,999,999 MP: 0 Attacks: Earth Crush (used one minute into the battle, which destroys the planet and ends the game.) Meteorain (as per the limit break) Comet, Comet2 EXP: 1 AP: 0 Gil: Like a big rock would carry gil! Win: Some scars and the praise of billions. Steal: Comet Materia, Space Junk, Moon Rock Morph: Tissue Notes: ------ In a nutshell, you have exactly one minute to kill Meteor before it hits earth, but here's how you can do it. YOU WILL LOSE THIS BATTLE if you don't have a Transform materia in your rotation. You need to cast Mini on Meteor five times. You can insure doing this by casting Haste on yourself. After you hit Meteor five times with Mini the battle will end, and you get 1 EXP and 0 AP. Meteor will get mad and crash down on earth, but it's only the size of a house and lands on Don Corneo's mansion. Go back into midgar using a disabled key item called the "Pogo Stick."
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Um...right. You keep on taking that medication, y'hear?

THE WIERD CHOCOBO RUMOUR
After beating Meteor(rumor) go to Corneo's mansion to get it...
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Because the meteor rumour is soooo true...

THE CHEESE WEAPON RUMOUR
Get the wierd chocobo(check chocobo rumor section) Now ride the chocobo out of midgar and ride it to rocket town. (Note that you cannot go on mountains because the Weird Chocobo is afraid of heights.) Run around the rocket ten times and you can enter it. Now you will be prompted: "Where to?" You can answer one: "Disneyland" "West Side" "Party" Choosing Disneyland will take you to Gold Saucer, where all the costumes will be Disney-oriented. West Side takes you to a hidden area in midgar where Barret _really_ grew up. Party will take you to Costa Del Sol, where Cid is having a kegger in the house with everyone else (including the Turks.) BUT YOU WANT TO CHOOSE THE HIDDEN FOURTH OPTION. This will bring up another question: "Are you sure?" Answer "Yes" and you will fly to the moon. When you land you have ten seconds to run into the cheese weapon, who is skipping by just as you land. If you touch him you can fight him. If not, game over. Stats of the Cheese Weapon: ----- HP: 2,000,000,000 MP: 20,000 Attacks: Sharp Cheddar (a physical attack, causes around +8000 damage) Cheese Sneeze (Causes +5000 damage to all plus poison and confu) Cheese Freeze (Ice based, causes +7000 damage to one) Cheese Breeze (Wind based, causes +5000 damage to all) Cheese Degrees (Fire, causes +8000 damage to one) Vitamin Cheese (Heals the Cheese Weapon for 9999 HP) Death by Cheese (Causes 9999 damage to all, used when HP is down to 1,000,000. Can only be blocked by casting shield or barrier beforehand) EXP: 1,000,000 AP: 1,000,000 (like you'd need all that, anyway) Gil: 1,000,000 Win: Cheese Ring Steal: Cheese armlet (If you can equip it during battle, which you really can't, it will absorb all damage taken from the cheese weapon as HP) Morph: Cheese Source (raises stats of all characters to 255) Notes: ----- The Cheese Weapon will summon four Cheeseasaurus Rexes (yes, the ones from the Kraft Cheese and Macaroni commercial.) They can attack you for about 3000 HP each, and can steal items from you (they usually wind up stealing everything you have, but you can steal them back. you win them back at the end of the battle, anyway.) The easiest way to beat the Cheese Weapon (I tested this and it ALWAYS works) is to summon Odin, which will turn him into cheese slices, then summon Titan to turn him into a cheese sandwich. Then summon Typoon to turn the sandwich over. Then summon the Knights of Round to put toppings on the sandwich. They will put on: Ham, Turkey, Salami, Bologna, Mayonnaise, Mustard, Pickles, Olives, Lettuce, Tomato, Peppers, and Onions. Then the big guy at then end (i think it's king arthur) will cut the sandwich in half.
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Okay, this is just getting silly now...

THE FUCKED UP RUMOUR
After beating Cheese Weapon(rumor) feed the wierd chocobo the Cheese Sandwhich... Feed the sandwich to your Weird Chocobo and it will transform into the Bizarre Chocobo (it has two heads and looks like a peacock.) The Bizarre Chocobo will say "Kraw" instead of "Wark." If it doesn't, Use a hyper on the chocobo and he will spit up the sandwich. Use Life2 on the sandwich and you'll fight the cheese weapon all over again. Refer to above to beat him again. Repeat this until your Bizarre Chocobo says "Kraw!" When it does, you can ride him back to earth (the FMV of this looks like E.T. riding over the moon.)
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Auntie Em! The rowing machine's lookin' at me funny! I LOVE DRAINPIPES! *Head explodes*

CHEESE WEAPON AND METEOR ITEM RUMOURS
Cheese Weapon: Win: Cheese Ring Steal: Cheese armlet (If you can equip it during battle, which you really can't, it will absorb all damage taken from the cheese weapon as HP) Morph: Cheese Source (raises stats of all characters to 255) Meteor: Steal: Comet Materia, Space Junk, Moon Rock.
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Oooh, Doctor Pepper, you make the world taste better...

THE EMERALD CHOCOBO RUMOUR
First u must get 37 green chocobos and race them to class S(then release them til 37),{mate them 2gether}then when u mate the last 1 with a zeio nut u will get the emerald chocobo
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Yep. It's all true y'know. Ooooh, no lies on this page. Remember kids, the Cheese weapon loves you! *Big cheezy grin*

THE EXCALIBUR RUMOUR
Fill all the materia slots of Cloud's Ultimate Weapon with mastered Knights of the Round materia, and it will transform into the fabled sword 'Excalibur'.
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Yes. And fill all the orifices on the contributor of this rumour's body with camel dung and he'll turn into a set of cooking spoons!

THE VINCENT'S GHOST RUMOUR.
This monster supposedly resides in the basement of the Shinra Mansion, Nibelheim. Have Vincent in your party, revisit the basement and there will be a small chance you will fight Vincent's Ghost.
C.B.'S COMMENTS-But Vincent isn't DEAD!

THE NASTY TO TIFA RUMOUR
Simple this one. Be nice to her all throughout the game, don't let her die in battle and be nasty to Tifa. If done correctly, Tifa will jump in the way of Sephiroth and she will get killed. People say this is the most believable rumour.
C.B.'S COMMENTS-If anyone's nasty to Tifa I'll set their hair alight *growls*.

THE FLYING BUFFALO RUMOUR
Just before you go to fight Sephiroth if you leave north cave and go to cosmo canyon you talk to what looks like a 'cowboy' and he says he will trade a highwind for a flying buffalo.
C.B.'S COMMENTS-The author of this rumour recently traded his car for a bag of magic beans.

THE LARA CROFT RUMOUR
Someone says that Tomb Raider starlet Lara Croft is obtainable in Final Fantasy VII. He believes in breeding two gold chocobos and improving them to S Class. Once doing so, beat Joe twelve times and he will be replaced by a new rider. Beat the rider three times, and you will receive the item with no name. With Tifa in your party, leave the Gold Saucer and Tifa will talk about the mysterious item. Show her the item, and the screen will go blank. When vision returns, Tifa will transform into Lara Croft.
C.B.'S COMMENTS-*Insert witty put-down here*

THE HENTAI ENDING RUMOUR
Beat Sephiroth fifteen times in different files, and you can watch a hentai sequence between Cloud and Tifa after the credits.
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Next!

THE ZODIAC STONES RUMOUR-
It is said that if you get all the zodiac stones you'll get a different ending.
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Wrong game.

THE SEQUEL RUMOUR
Apparently SCEA (Sony Computer Entertainment America) had planned on creating a FFVII sequel. It would involve the same story, except this time the game would be played from the Shinra's point of view
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Yeah. That's why FF9 is out and FF7 is locked away in the Square vaults and forgotten about...

THE WOODEN CHOCOBO RUMOUR.
Visit Wutai, steal Yuffie's father's underwear and run into the nearest forest. Inside you will find the Wooden Chocobo.
C.B.'S COMMENTS-*Thinks of Godo's underwear*
*Pukes violently*

And finally...

THE ULTIMATE, MOST FUCKED UP TWISTED ROLL-ON-THE-FLOOR-CLUTCHING-HEAD-CLOUD-STYLE MADNESS INDUCING RUMOUR EVER.
Give the cheese ring to the guy in Kalm and...Interesting Insert: If you go into the pub at Kalm, you will find the polygon render of Nobuo Uematsu (the ff7 music composer.) He is incredibly drunk and will tell you that he is sick of the prelude and is going to take it out for ff8. Anyway, once you equip the cow lure materia, you can fight cows instead of Chocobos. You can breed them too! Then a new option on Choco Billy's menu is "Milk." When you milk them, they will produce cheese. You have to milk a "Smelly Cow" to get Limburger, milk a "Holy Cow" to get swiss, and milk a "Patriotic Cow" to get american. I heard there's a blue cow that will give you bleu cheese, and an italian cow which will give you Parmesan and Mozzarella cheese. If you go to wall market, you'll find the honeybee inn has been vacated. You can buy the building for 1,000,000 Gil. Then you can open a deli. You can serve sandwiches with your cheese, and in the International version of ff7, you can get the Salmon Materia and have Salmon Cheese, which sells for 10,000 Gil on a sandwich.
C.B.'S COMMENTS-Did you believe this? If you did, I pity you and envy you in equal amounts.
NB:I shit you not. People actually posted these rumours on various sites. Jeezus Kryst.