Silence

(You sussed it out...)

What is happening? I'm just sitting here. I feel like I should be searching for something. I am a hunter aren't I? Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to be the prey. Ever since that plate incident I feel so different.

(I searched.....

how.....genius of me)

Perhaps, what I am looking for, is (freedom-acceptance) to get out of here and get back to work. I sat on a lawn chair I put out on the balcony of my apartment. I looked at the soccer ball under my foot.

(What is this state now? Is it cruel awakening, idiotic realizations?)

Did everything move in circles? Does everything end up where it starts? How is it that I always come back here...and before every mission I as myself the same question? Will it be different? (Maybe. It happened. You just won't pay attention.) What do I do this for? (There is nothing else for you.) I do it for the money.

I looked up at the sky. I always did this as a boy. I did as long as I would dare keep my eyes open. (Do it again-return and retrospect.) If you did it long enough the sky looked like it was hovering right above your face. I was always tempted to take a finger and dip it in the sky and swirl around the colors of blue, purple, red, black, and orange and watch them spiral around my finger like an unfinished mixture of paint. But that would be (Simplistic Innocence) frivolous and childish.

I sat up looking blankly over the balcony. I wish I were with Rude and the rest of them. (Run again.) Run Again? From what? A few moments ago I was searching. Now I'm running? Aren't I supposed to be the stupid untamed Turk with carefree happy-hours? (You would be- you lost...) Damn my thinking!

I walked to a mini-bar in my apartment.

(It lulled you to...~)

Hmph!? Who needs this thinking. I rather enjoy the state of my minds absence.

(To keep body and mind separate.)

It's like being unborn.

(To be naive- how dangerously unhealthy.)

I'll manage, I always have...why should I start to worry now? I am carefree!

(Resonance.)

I'm on my own. I have no rescue squad, I no longer need one. Everything is exhausted.

(Resonance.)

I'm safe. I've lived here on my own. I've managed without the rescue squad ever since I stepped into this damned metropolis!

(YOU FORGET ABOUT RESONANCE!)

And what?

Resonance...

Resonance? What was that again?

Resonance: The reverbiration of a continual and constant force. The force making an object move and break under it's own natural pressure.

*Bing*

I stared at my door. Who could that be? I was confused by it. I sat and I stared without blinking.

(You're coming back..into being

-organise freedom)

Organise...

How can I organise while I am under the influence!? (You think it...-Do you believe it?) Why can't I fall unconcious. I am under the influence of ideas, thoughts, and provacative messages!

"You are sending me into a maelstrom of profund thought!"

(You do believe it.)

"Why am I burdening myself?"

(Organise- you've lost control.)

I have not, if I did I would be in an institute. I wouldn't have this job. I wouldn't have this stature and reputation.

(Burdensome reputation.)

It's not! I like it.

(Do you believe that?)

Why am I asking this? Why is this happening? There it is...the circle. Isn't this the very first thing I asked myself? So things do come back to where they start. So what is the point of even traveling throught the whole circle if the final outcome is what we began with?

Why am I putting myself through this? Why do I, time after time, journey around this circle. Can I get out?

(Riddle: You walk into an amusment park with two rides. They're both the same length and take the same amount of time to get through. One ride is a big circle. The other steep inclines, pitfalls, twists and turns. It makes your stomach churn. Which one would you ride?)

The one with twists and turns.

(You have a bowl of plain white rice and one that has been fried and has various meat and vegetables. Which one would you eat?)

The one with variety.

(A movie of a man walking. And a movie of that same man walking but instead he gets attached and has all this crisis happening to him. Which one would you watch?)

The one with crisis.

(A relationship filled with love but no quarrel. And a relationship with ups and downs, with fights that make the love part of the relationship seem more sacrosanct. Which one do you pick?)

The one with hardships.

(Why do you choose there for yourself?)

Why do I choose it for myself?

(Shock.)

Shock. Shock Therapy. Shock can do wonders to a person. We need more shock in our lives.

(What do you do- what has become habit to you?)

Humans need a certain amount of crisis, misfortune, shock terror, question, etc. It's the way we live. It's why we go on. It may be our purpose here. It makes life interesting.

(That is freedom.)

This is freedom.

I blinked for the first time in five minutes. It has been habit for me to become accustomed to customising myself to my surroundings and injecting myself into things I hate. Having schedules and everything so orderly. (Break it.) Break it, then I break the circle. I get it.

I walked out of my apartment in my shorts and shirt and went to every door on my floor and rang all the doorbells. Up and down the hall everyone opened their doors and found no one at their doorsteps. I came multiple times and rang their doorbells. A policeman walked up to me an I rang a doorbell.

"You need to stop."

I stood there and stared at him like I didn't understand.

"You can't be doing this."

I turned and walked down the hallway and continued to ring doorbells. He walked to me again and put his hand on my shoulder and told me to stop once again, only this time he threatened to use force if I didn't stop. I walked into him and he moved out of my way and I pushed another doorbell.

This time I was turned forcefully and the policemans fist collided with my jaw. I felt warm liquid seep from my mouth. I stood there again and stared at the policeman. This time I didn't look bewildered, or angry, I just stood there, emotionless. My face was placide. I wasn't looking at him anymore. There was more to it now. His whole life as a policeman. For what. My whole life as an assassin. For what? My eyes didn't shift but I focused on the actual being standing in front of me. His face contorted from bewilderment to a bit of fear.

He left me, slowly and carefully.

I returned to my apartment.

I layed on my floor and looked at the rotating fan above me.

(

)

Silence.

(Unexplained undercover- Crawling in silence. It is always subtle at first.)

Fin.

~Reno