SMALL BOY-Snorlax! Use your "Death by boringly boring boredom attack!"
SNORLAX-Lax lax snorlax! LAX! *Everyone in Merchant Taylor's instantly falls asleep with boredom.*
SMALL BOY-Good job, Snorlax. Now we can go through their pockets as they sleep!
STONE COLD STEVEN COX-Fools! You cannot escape the super-fruity wrath of STONE COLD STEVEN COX. Fear my pink shirts and clashing ties!
SMALL BOY-You don't scare me! I choose you, MACHAMP!
MACHAMP-Champ mach machamp!
STONE COLD STEVEN COX-Fool! You think your puny pokeyman can-Say, Mach-thingy, you're hot. Wanna go get a coffee?
MACHAMP-Champ!
*They walk off into the sunset, arm linked and wrists limp*
MISS STANDARD-NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! I'll get him for breaking my heart, and his little pokemon too!
*Meanwhile, in the Quad, the first year kids are giggling a lot and showing off their mobile phones*
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.1-Well MINE has a purple Barney case, Tellietubby ringtone, Barbie icon, pink keys, dangly jewellery stuck on top and an umbrella!
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.2-Well, MINE has a pink barbie case, Tellitubbies rintone, Barney icon, purple keys, MORE dangly jewellery and a toaster!
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.3 Well MINE has a green Dipsy from the Tellitubbies case, Barney ringtone, Barbie icon, pink keys, EVEN MORE bloody useless dangly jewellery tacky crap, AND A COFFEE MAKER. So beat that. Tee hee!
Gez-Um...how much credit do you guys have on your phone?
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.1-Oh, we still have all of the £5 credit that we got free with the phone.
Gez-Do you ever use those phones of yours?
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.1-Use? What-EVER! These are for playing Snake on, impressing your friends with and pretending to talk on to impress cute guys. Like him!
*A buck-toothed, short, spotty, overweight, greasy haired 11 year old dressed in sack cloth appears.*
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.2-OMIGOD! He looked at me! He acknowledged my existence!
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.3-No way, shit for brains! He was totally checking me out!
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.1-You're wrong! He's MINE! *They all start to suck on lollipops, pull out their issues of *Cute males monthly" and pretend to talk on their phones, laughing loudly and fakely every few seconds and trying to make eye contact with Ugly Buck-Toothed guy.*
Ugly Buck-Toothed guy-What a bunch of ugly immature bitches. *Walks away.*
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.4-*Runs up to the other girls* HEY GUYS!!! Look at my new phone! It's a Nokia 123456788911!
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.1-GASP!!!!! Ours are only Nokia 12345678910s! Come on girls, let's go pester our parents to buy us new ones! *They all throw their phones in the bin*
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.2-And to think, I had that phone for almost 2 weeks!
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.1-GASP! How could you stand to have the same phone for more than 4 days? You're so out of fashion!
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.2-I know! I asked my dad for a new one a week ago, but he said that he'd only just bought me one! I told him
it was out of fashion, but he wouldn't buy me another!
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.4-What a tight bastard!
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.2-I know! He bought me a pony instead, but I didn't want it so I threw another tantrum and had the pony sent to the glue factory.
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.3-You go girl! *they walk off*
Gez-*Sigh* imbeciles. *Suddenly, Mr. Cox and a muscular pokemon appear.*
STONE COLD STEVEN COX-Um...hello. Could you tell me and my...associate where the nearest stock cupboard is?
Gez-*Points in a random direction*
STONE COLD STEVEN COX-Thanx! *skips away, fluffy rabbits and beautiful rainbows springing in his path.*
Gez-O-kay....
*In the computer room*
Gez-4356745647 NEW MAILS??!?!?! *Head explodes* And they're all from RAVEN?!?!?!? *Head explodes again*
Saba-Ahhh, Raven...*Swoon*. *Opens mailbox.* 6789698769876987 new message?!?!?!?! *Head explodes*
Emerald-This is getting kinda messy...
*Mr Wesley Wyndam-Price computer teacher enters and hears Gez's Limp Bizkit CD.*
Gez's Limp Bizkit CD-FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK SHIT ASS BASTARD WITH A FUCKING CUNT, WANK-SLAPPER! FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING FUCKWITH FUCKER! ASSHOLE! BASTARD!
Wesley- *Faints* C-could you turn that down please?
Gez's Limp Bizkit CD-FUCK YOU, MOTHERFUCKIN' FUCK FACED ASSHOLE COCKSUCKER!
Wesley-Eeep! *Runs away* Save me Seanbaby! *Runs into the flabby arms of Sean, the computer room technition.*
Sean-Oh worry not Wesley! I'm here! Now...let's go play "Insert the 3 1/2 inch floppy into the hard drive!"
Wesley-RAPTURE!
Jane-Gah! Time for lessons, people...
*Everyone slumps off to their *shudder "favourite" lesson...MATHS!*
In maths...
Mrs Jopling-RIGHT YOU CABBAGES! We have a lot to learn today, so listen up! Vicky, can you tell me the square root of 679698769876879689768796?
Vicky-No. You ugly old hag.
Joppo-WHAT!?!?!
Vicky-Um...nothing. I think it was a fly or something.
*Suddenly, a blonde man jumps through the window*
Blondie-Owwwwww!
*The CLOSED window*
Blondie-I gotta stop doing that! Anyway, um...gimme ya money or I'll kill ya.
Everyone-It's Spike from Buffy the Vampire slayer!
Spike-Um...yeah. So are you rich kids loaded or not?
Everyone-*Shakes heads*
Spike-Bugger. You know anyone that is?
Gez-Um...well, there's always them *Points out of the window*
IDIOTIC 1ST YEAR GIRL NO.2-So I said to Rob, "Ew! As if I would snog you!" Then I said to Rich "Will you cop for my mate?" and Rich said-
Spike-Great. Some loaded brats. Ta. *Vaults out the window. Screams are heard seconds later. Then...*
STONE COLD STEVEN COX-*Jumps in through the other window*
STONE COLD STEVEN COX-OWIE!
*The other CLOSED window*
STONE COLD STEVEN COX-Okay! I um need this room for...business. OUT! OUT!
*The class disperses*
STONE COLD STEVEN COX-Finally Machamp, some time alone...
Miss Standard-*Swings in on a well-placed comedy vine* STEVE BABY! How can you cheat on me with that...thing? *cries* I KEEEL YOU YOU PEEEEEEEG!
STONE COLD STEVEN COX-Umm....RUN MACHAMP, RUN! *Machamp and STONE COLD STEVEN COX escape through the window*
STONE COLD STEVEN COX-OUCHIES!
*The smashed, jagged, spikey broken PAINFUL window*
Miss Standard-Curses! *Jumps up and down in a similar way to Dick Dastardly in Stop The Pidgeon*
Schhhhoooooool's out! At the bus stop....
Gez-*Sarcastically* Oh RAPTUROUS UNTOLD JOY. Here's the bus.
*The bus appears around the corner, trailing sparks from where the two back wheels are missing. The windows are so dirty you can't see who's inside, except for where the driver sits. The driver is, in fact, already drunk and currently smoking his fourth joint of the day. The bus swerves and crashes into the post*
Gez-Guess I'd better get on. *Calmly walks to the back of 12 year olds who are biting, scratching, shoving and setting each other on fire to get on first. Suddenly, a flaming diseased cow with foot-and-mouth disease appears*
FLAMING DISEASED COW-MOOOOOOOOOOO!! *explodes*
Fighting bus queue-AIEEE!!! *runs away, leaving Gez to calmly get on.*
On the bus...
Prapti-What are you listening to, Gez?
Gez-*Listening to Walkman* Limp Bizkit.
Prapti-Can I listen to it?
Gez-No.
Prapti-PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE?!?!?!
Gez-No.
Prapti-Are you a mosher, Gez?
Gez-no.
Prapti-Do you like me, Gez?
Gez-I think you're an immature brat who should be put down before you can breed. My respect for you is on a par with that of seaweed. If you dies tomorrow I'd piss on your grave.
Prapti-Oh yay! Gez thinks i'm cool! Tee hee! *skips away*
Gez-*sigh* *puts earphones on. Suddenly, a pink-shirted teacher and his muscular pokemon boyfriend leap through the sunroof*
STONE COLD STEVEN COX-D'oh the pain!!!!
*Can you guess what kind of skylight it was?*
STONE COLD STEVEN COX-EVERYBODY OFF! I need somewhere for me and my honey to have some personal time! OFF OFF OFF!!!!
Gez-Good thing this is my stop *leaves bus. A herd of flaming diseased cows fall on it a second later, crushing it.*
SMALL BOY-My Machamp! *Cries*
SMALL BOY-*is crushed by a herd of falling idiotic first years*
Gez-Um...
*The world explodes thus ending this story THE END thankyou no refunds that's it bye.*