It had sunk in, my whole feelings towards everyone...I hated Quistis, she was the most sluttish whore I had ever layed eyes on. She deserved to die a slow horrible and painful death..

He made me sick, I thought I made him smile. Didn't they realize what they had done to us all?

I had slit my wrists for the fourth time. My arms were criss-crossed with scars, not letting anyone cure them. My eyes were pale, my hair was messy and unkempt...tears had constantly streamed down my face, I was a wreck, and all because of them. I heard Zell and Selphie talking, thinking I wouldn't make it through the nights. But I had...somehow,

I was sick of this room, sick of my life, wanting to end it all. Just like Irvine did. There was no point in going on, hell, would anyone care if I was dead? Quistis or Squall wouldn't, Squall...my love....Quistis...she hadn't been a friend, a backstabber was all she was and all she would ever be. I hated her, I really did, I reflected it in my slashes. Each scar to my wrist healed my inner anguish at the two, their happiness. They had killed four people in their affair, me Selphie and Zell were all emotionally drained. And Irvine? He was physically dead too.

The drinking nights had just added to the pain, postponing the grief a little later than before. Every time If thought about those two I'd dig my knife into my deathpale skin, letting the blood drown the white sheets of my bed, letting pools gather on it, sinking into the sheets, gaining grim satisfaction from the pain, the ruining of the perfect white of my skin and the sheets.

My clear brown eyes had been reduced to ashy drained puffy brown eyes, drowned in sorrow and hurt. a lifetime of hurt I was bound to lead, never able to get out of it...

I stood up, and coughed, looking at the anti depressants on the table near me. I sighed and looked at my wrists, scabbed and scarred, but hell I couldn't care less if I was soaked with blood, anything to stop this pain in my heart, even if it meant transferring the pain to my body.

I looked out of the moonlit room, the chocobo's lined up attentively on the ranch nearby. Irvine wasn't dead... I felt it. Something was telling me more than the facts layed out in front of me. Call it sorceress's intuition if you will...I would find him.

I stumbled to the elevator and went down to the garden entrance. The receptionist smiled patronisingly.

"Miss Rinoa...please don't leave yet, get some sleep." I simply ignored the creep. Everyone was a creep, apart from Selphie Zell and Irvine and myself. Everyone else could go to hell. I'd lost the capacity to feel, whatever it was that made me me was gone. My ring, the griever ring, I had lost that. All my possessions that had ever meant anything to me, had vanished, but I'd find something better....Irvine.

I stumbled up the bank, through the long grass to a chocobo I had reared when it was young. I got onto its back and started off, hearing screams from Selphie and Zell.

"Where are you going??" Zell screamed.

"Irvine." was all I could stumble out, as I managed to move the chocobo in the direction of the chocobo forest. I didn't know what it was, through my stream of tears, or the past streams of blood, I just knew....If I wanted him...I'd find him....