Hi everyone!

I got bored so I wrote this fic about my current Spamming situation! It's 100% EXAGGERATED! Do sorry if I offend you guys, but I don't think I will. Enjoy ^_^:*

- QC

_________

The 12 Step Spam, or An Ode To Gez
By Quisits Chick

On a quiet Thursday afternoon, Quistis Chick sat happily typing away numerous E-mails at her computer, unaware of the terror that lay ahead.

"Oh! Another good fic by Raven! Lemme tell him!" Type type type SPAM send. "Hee hee, that was funny!" Type type send. Send. Send. Send. Send.

And so it went on for 3 1/2 hours of mindless, one line spamming. No point to it at all. While QC could have easilly typed one large E-mail containing all her thoughts, she was a lazy, foolish girl, and had failed to do so. Turning off her computer, she went to dream of fluffly Clouds and wheatery-type Squalls.

Meanwhile, somewhere across the vast ocean, another girl was happily checking her E-mail.

"Alright, I have . . . 3,467,890 new messages?!?!?!?!?!?! What the hell?!" she exclaimed, scrolling down the list. "4 from Raven, 2 from Marco, 1 from Carlie, 6 from Tifa, and . . .3, 467,877 from Quistis Chick?! Oh god, not again!" she wailed. No, this was not an uncommon thing on the Final Fantasy Fic list. Not at all. Now, most people would harrass the moronic girl with a 5 page email telling her she was an idiot. Yes, this was a reasonable punishment for such a heinous crime. But this particular girl had violated the NO SPAMMING rule over 76 non-consecutive times. No, this was time for something more drastic. The girl across the vast sea was a vengeful one, and she vowed to come and put an end to it once and for all, for she was GEZ, the high ruler list mommy of all things FF Fic! She quickly set to work.

Bring bring. "Hello? Huh, no I haven't checked ym e-mail, why? Okay, hold on . . .GREAT SCOTTS!!! 3,467,877 emails from Quistis Chick! That's sick! Huh? YES we need to put a stop to this - wait, how'd you get my number?"

"Bloody hell! Just do it!"

"Yes exhaulted list mommy!" Carlie said. Gez laughed manically. Yes, her plan was going to work perfectly. She made similar calls to Liana, Carmilla, Marco (who stood up for the idiotic QC, but was quickly pursuaded to follow his list mom's orders), Raven, Seifer1080, Tifa, Michelle, Kenshin (who wasn't even there to answer, considering he's NEVER online), Reno, Cait Sith, and the whole FFFic crew.

Once again back in America, Quistis Chick was up and making herself a bowl of Coco Pebbles, when the kitchn door busted in. As the dust cleared, there stood the list mommy and her army of list members.

"Ah! What are you doing here?!" QC asked, dropping her chocolate goodness to the floor.

"Grab your school books, you Spammer! It's time to get SCHOOLED!"

"Huh?" QC asked. Gez rolled her eyes and motioned her hand at the disobeying list member.

"Cait, sick her." Cait Sith dove wt her an instantly, the offender was hog-tied to a pole with a paper bag over her head.

"Wab a mimut! Wow dood I no hoob yoob werb?"

"What? Oh god, take the bag off her head."

"GASP! I said, 'how did I know who you were?"

"Fool! You do not question the list mommy!" Gez screamed, knocking QC's head in with a Stero-typical Anime Girl Hammer (TM). "Besides, just because you've never seen me in real life doesn't mean you wouldn't know me if you DID see me! And for god's sake, we have to keep this story rolling! Move out!" She announced, and they dragged QC to the FFFic Secret Hideout (QC's garage, for lack of any other place at the time.)

Slamming her onto the white 1993 Cutlass Sierra Oldsmobile, Gez was about to start the interrogation.

"What the heck? Who're you?" a voice asked. Gez whipped around to come face to face with - QC's dad.

"Fool! We've come to beat your daughter with our ugly sticks, put her through unimaginable tourturous pain, and teach her a lesson!"

"Oooooh, okay. Just lemme clear outta here for you," he said, taking his embaressing Lynyrd Skynyrd cassete out of the garage stereo, and headed for the door. "Oh while you're at it, can you lecture her on good work ethcis? She's far past due. Oh, hi Ryan." and with that he left.

"Uh, hi," Kenshin said, sharpening the end of his Acme Proddin' Stick. Gez blinked a few times, then turned back to her victim.

"Alright, listen here you delinquent!" she said. QC flipped the bag off her head and obeyed.

"You were brought here today because you broke a rule!"

"Yeah, a RULE!" Marco said.

"You spammed, AGAIN, and this time you've gone to far."

"Yeah, too far!" Marco added.

"You need to be disiplined, you spoony spammer!"

"Yeah, spoony spammer!" Marco said. Gez spun around to him.

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP?!"

"Yeah, shut up." he said, cowering. Gez turned back to QC.

"I'm doing this for your own good," she said, rasing her hand. QC braced herself for the oncoming slap. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes to see a piece of paper.

"That's right missy! I'm sending you to the Center for Spam Research. They offer a 12 step program for people like you. It says you'll need "moral support", so we're going with you."

"What?"

And with that, the group was off. They arrived at the meeting place, and they joined the top people who spam daily. Porn ring leaders, Angelfire "Special Offer" people, people with anime mailing lists, anyone who's ever forwarded 50+ forwards in their life, and Bill Gates. They all sat around in a circle on the "Forgivness Rug".

"Okay class, the first thing to do is admit you have a problem. QC, why don't you go first?"

QC stood up and said, "My name is QC and I am a Spamoholic." The group clapped.

"Very good! We're making progress! Okay, next."

"My name is Carlie and I'm a kleptomainiac." The group sat in silence. Liana tapped her on the shoulder.

"Um, Carlie, um, that's not what we're here for."

". . . Oh."

So the day continued on, Going from step 1 to 12. Days turned inot weeks, weeks turned into months, Gez got more and more pissed at QC's slow learning, and finally, that class was over! The teacher was so sick of QC that he let her graduate!

"I hereby declare QC 100% Spam Free! Well, maybe like 52% . . . but hey!"

"Yahooooo!" QC said, jumping up and down. Everyone congradulated her, and off they went.

"QC, I'm very proud of you! Great progress!" Gez said as they left the Center for Spamming Research. As soon as they step foot outside, Gez grabbed QC by the neck and pulled her close to her face.

"Good progress my ass. Now you listen and you listen good.If you send more than 2 emails a day, I'll personally come to your house and kill you. Got that? And if one of those E-mails is a one liner, I will personally come and kill you. Are we in a greement?"

"Ah!! Yes yes, quite agreed!"

"Good! Then it's all settled!" Gez said, smiling and setting QC down. Everyone sighed in relief as they started to go home.

"WAIT A SECOND RYAN!"

"What?"

"Where's your Zell part little fool?!"

"AH!!!!"

And so the case continues. Yes truly, a List Mummy's job is never done.

The End!