"Take that!" Yuffie Kisiragi hollered as she speed away from the scene of the crime she had committed in her brand new 2002 Porsche Boxster, freshly stolen from a car lot 5 minutes earlier. She was now using it to get away from the scene of a blow-up-the-cemetery-as-a-practical-joke-and-run, a major offense in Midgar. She turned her head to see where she was going, only to see that she was about to hit a steel column.

"OH, SH-" Her scream was cut short as the front of her dream car wrapped itself around the column. An airbag proclaiming 'Have A Good Day!' blow out of the steering column. Yuffie went flying through the wind shield, and slamming into the column. She sat up, shook her head vigorously, and stood.

"That scared the 'ell outta me!" She proclaimed. Someone was over at a pay phone, screaming into the receiver.

"HELP!!!" The man screamed. "There's and armed-and-dangerous-killer-teenage-girl out here who just wrecked into a column!"

Yuffie had to silence him.

"Oh, really," Tifa Lockhart replied from the other end of the call. "It's probably nothing. Probably just a PMS problem or something. I don't think if they wrecked their car they could move though, could they? I would know... I'm only part time help here at the station."

"Lady, you don't understand! SHE'S COMING TOWARD ME WITH A BIG POINTY-"

Yuffie threw her shuriken. It stuck through the man's head, pinning his body to he pay phone booth. He screamed into the receiver, then died. Yuffie picked up the receiver of the phone.

"Have a nice day!" She screamed, then hung up. She ran down a back alley, jumped onto a dumpster that she didn't know was open, and fell in. She came back out, covered in trash, a banana peel on the top of her head. She brushed herself off, and started to scale the building beside her.

"Oh, dear," Tifa said on the other line of the phone that just been hung up so curtly by Yuffie. "That voice sounded familiar.... Oh, well! I gotta call one of those cars so they can go look at the wreck... Then I'll call my Cloud and ask if we can go to a movie tonight, and then I'll..."

Times are tough in the big city. Patrolling the streets, eating doughnuts, and listening to your dumb-ass partner running his mouth about such stupid things as Tv Programming.

"So then, Mr. T says, 'Get ya hands off her, ya foo!" So the bad guy pulls out a gun and says, 'I'm gonna kill you, ya sorry, oversized nigg-"

"Would you kindly be quiet," Vincent Valentine asked his partner, Barret Wallace, for the 48 1/2 time that day. "Your annoying me. I would really like it if you-"

"Shut ya mouth, foo! I'm talkin' bout Mr. T! Mr. T has to be the most awesome person who ever-"

Barret's small and idiotic speech was interrupted at that moment (Much to Vincent's relief.) By a voice coming over the police-band radio.

"Squad Car 269-er? Squad 269-er? Do you copy?" It was Tifa, the part-time dispatch operator. "Do you read?"

"It's Squad Car 269, you stupid numb cu-"

"This is Car 269," Vincent said, taking the mike from Barret. "We Copy. Over."

"Roger that, Over."

"What did you want, Tifa?"

"Um... I think I remember. Over."

"WELL, HURRY AND REMEMBER, YOU SOORY STUPID BROAD! OVER!"

"Hey! I'm not stupid! Or sorry, fatso! Over!"

"He's sorry about that." Vincent said. "Now, what did you-"

"No I'm not, you sorry bitch! Over!"

"I am not a female dog, OVER!"

"Tifa, I know!" Vincent said, now frustrated. "Just ignore Barret and get to the point!"

"Okay... There was a 12394-23947-a-5-926-78a over on Main and Mako Street. Over"

"A 12394-23947-A-5-926-78A! It can't be! those are... are..."

"What da 'ell are they!" Barret asked.

"I don't know," Vincent said. "But with a designation that long, it has to be bad! Tifa, what is that, Over!"

"I don’t know, sir. Over."

"How long ago was it, Tifa?"

"Um... about 20 minutes."

"WHY THE HELL WEREN'T WE TOLD SOONER! OVER!" Vincent screamed into the mike.

"Um... I forgot till I got a call from the mayor. Over."

"The Mayor!" Vincent replied. "He'll have our head's for this!"

"Maybe yours, foo! As soon as my shift's over, I'm headed for Las Vegas."

"Well, We'll get on it. Where was the suspect last spotted? Over."

"At the pay phone on Mako and Main. Over."

"Okay, Well get to! 1040. Over and Out."

As Vincent and Barret drive to the scene, Barret continues his annoying, obsessive ranting.

"What da crap does 1040 mean? I never got that in the police academy thing."

"It mean's over and out."

"Then why did you say '1040' then 'Over and Out'?"

"Just shut up, Barret."

"Whateva... All I gotta say is, I pity da foo..."

"What's that mean?"

"I don't know. Somethin' Mr.T Says...

"Oh..."

They drive in silence to the scene of the crime, where they find the car, the dead body, but no signs of anything suspicious.

Barret walks to the alley. He stands under the big neon arrow that points down the alleyway and procalaims 'Criminal Escape Route!'

"I wonder where that bastard coulda gottin' off to so fast?" Barret questioned himself. "I don't think it could be down this alleyway.

"I don't know, Barret... There's no signs that it could be the way of escape..." He joins Barret under the large neon sign. "It might be that the perpetrator fled of to the bar."

"I don't think there's a criminal that's goin' go and act like a foo! There ain't no way that any self respecting criminal is goin'go play da foo and go waltzing down an alley, jump onto that dumpster, fall in, brush themselves off, then climb up the side of that building so they can climb into the window, met up with the Klu Klutz Klan, and then just join them for the 'ell of it."

"Wait, Barret! You might be on to something! Let's check!"

Vincent and Barret scale the building. They reach the top and peer into an open window.

"And, I hereby pronounce that Yuffie Kasirugi is now a member of the Klu Klutz Klan!" There are loud cheers from the Klan as the Klan Master finishes.

"Barret," Vincent looks at his partner. "We have to bust into the meeting to get that girl!"

"HELL NO! Ain't no way I'm goin' go to a KKK meeting! You know what they do to people like me!"

"I've got a way," Vincent said, as two of the Klan members left the meeting. "I've got a plan."

"Oh, Hell No!" Barret exclaimed.