Teeny Boppers - Chapter One
By Quistischick

Marlene sat in front of the TV in Cid's house. Her eyes where clouded over, and her mouth was gaping. In the other room, Barret, Cid, and the others were sitting at the dining room table. Cid was drinking tea. Suddenly, a massive screech filled the air. The tea cup broke, sending the piping hot tea to Cid's pants. The glass on the clock broke, the dishes cracked in the cupboard, and Cid cursed.

"MARLENE!" Barret bellowed, high-tailing it to the living room as fast as his massive feet could carry him. The others followed, except Cid who was still cursing and running around the kitchen, trying to cool off his . . . er, 'bottom'.

"What is it Marlene?!" Tifa asked, looking around the room. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Marlene giggled and got up, running to Barret.

"Daddy! Daddy! They're coming!" she squeled, shaking with excitment.

"The Shinra?! Where?!" he asked, raising his gun arm. Marlene shook her head.

"No no no! Them!" she said. Vincent, growing tired of the guessing game, asked, "Who's coming?"

"The . . . oh they're the greatest! The-" she was intterupted by Cloud.

"The greatest?! You mean the Teletubbies are coming?! Ahhh! YES!" he said, jumping up and down. The members of AVALANCHE looked at their leader, who realized he just admitted his darkest secret. He blushed, and said, in an attempt to cover up, "At least, that's what Cid would have said . . . if he was here, ya' know."

"NO! The Backstreet Boys! Hee hee hee hee! I love them! Ahahahahahahahah!" Marlene said, running around in teeny bopper splendor. Vincent sighed, and Yuffie screamed. She ran up and joined Marlene in her excitment.

"Oh my GAWD! I love them! Ahahahahahahahah! Oh Howie! A.J.! Aaahahahahahahah!" they immediatly broke out in a chorus of 'As Long As You Love Me.'

"Oh boy. They're like me when I was little and my obsession with the New Kids On The Block," Tifa offered, shaking her head. Aeris sighed dreamly.

"Oh Jordan Knight! Yummy!" Tifa and Aeris giggled, and Cloud shook his head.

"What's a . . . Backroads Boy?"

"BACKSTREET BOY!" Yuffie and Marlene screeched. Cid emerged from the kitchen.

"What the #^#$^ was that all about?! I spilt my TEA. Okay? TEA!" he hollered. Yuffie and Marlene ran up to him. They began speaking teenage-girl language.

"Oh my god oh my god oh my god! Nick is so fine! What a babester! Like toataly!"

"Like like like I SO toataly know what you mean! He is SO jiggy! I wish he was my bugga-boo!"

"Like I SO know too! I SO know his 411! What a boy toy! Booyah!"

Cid looked from Yuffie to Marlene and back again. Then he screamed and ran to his room.

"Oooooooo! Daddy can we PLEASE get tickets! Pleasepleasepleaseplease????????" Marlene begged, doing the puppy-dog look. Yuffie romped over to Cloud and did the same thing.

"For Marlene, anything!" Barret said. When the others looked as if they were going to protest, Barret rasied his gun-arm. "ANYTHING."

They all sweatdropped, and Tifa stepped foreward. "Okay people. In my past years as a teeny bopper, I know it's already sold out. Vincent, you call Ticket Master and beg. Aeris, you and Cait brave the Internet. Barret, Red, you two run down to every place in the tri-county area that sells tickets. And Cloud, you and me can look through the paper for scalpers. Go!"

They all immediatly ran to their designated areas, and Marlene and Yuffie started disscusing who knew more about the Backstreet Boys.

Meanwhile, in Midgar . . .

"Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I got THE last 5 tickets! Ha ha ah aha aha aha ah - hack ahck!" Reno coughed, running up the stairs to Rufus' office. He opened the door, and gasped when he saw his boss.

At his desk, Rufus was putting in his Backstreet Boy CD. A Furby sat on his TV, which was tuned to MTV. It appeared that Scarlett, Elena, and the president were in the middle of a pajama party. Popcorn littered the floor, and they all, yes, even Rufus, had on make-up and butterfly clips. Rufus screamed.

"RENO! I said NEVER interrupt me in my office when the 'Do not enter - president at work' sign is on the door!" Reno held up the tickets.

"Ummm . . . I got the tickets to the . . . 'event' you asked me to get," he walked to the desk, stepping over ice cream containers and Barbie dolls. Rufus took the tickets.

"Thank you. Now go. Oh, and Reno, this NEVER leaves this room."

"Riiiiiiiiiiight, Mr. President. Or should I say, 'Mrs. President'?" Rufus threw a teddy bear at Reno as he ran away.


Back in Rocket Town . . .

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Marlene cried out when Barret and the others came up empty handed. Yuffie was passing along the tissues and bawling. Vincent was taking asprin for a headache, and Tifa was rubbing her temples.

"We tried, honey. We really did. But them foo's at the ticket place wouldn't budge!" Barret said, trying to console his daughter. It didn't help.

"WAHHHHH! I WANNA GO SEE THE BACKSTREET BOYS! WAHHHHH!"

Cid stuck cotton balls in his ears as he sat down to watch Dukes. He turned on the TV. It was still on MTV.

"That's right Carson! We have the last TEN tickets to the Backstreet Boys concert! But wait, there's more! It's a whole package here in Junon! Backstage passes and front row seats!" Ananda, a VJ, said. Cid turned the channel. Yuffie lunged across the room and bit him.

"HOLY @##$^%$#^@$^!!!!!!" he cried as she turned it back. Carson repeated what the other VJ just said. Marlene and Yuffie got all excited agian.

"Well, off to Junon we go! Cid, get yo' foo' @$$ up! We be needen' a ride!" Cid shook his head.

"No @%#$% way! Not after the she-devil bit me!" he said, not budging from his seat. Marlene's eyes turned red. She started shaking.

"The he- oh my god!" Cid yelped, and the others watched in horror as Marlene transformed into a massive ape-like creature.

"YOU *WILL* TAKE ME TO JUNON, AND YOU *WILL* LIKE IT. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR, LITTLE MAN?" she growled as she bent down by Cid's face. His cigarette fell out of his mouth as he nodded. She backed away. Suddenly, a knock came on the door.

"Um hello? Oh, there you are!" someone said as they opened the door. "Sorry, sometimes he gets away. Gohan, your mother's worried sick! Time to go home."

Tifa's eyes shot out her head and Aeris' turned into little hearts. They ran up to the person.

"Hee hee! And who are you? Hee!" Tifa giggled. Goku scrached his head.

"Wha?" he asked. Cloud growled menacingly as the two girls wrapped their arms around Goku's arms. Tifa giggled.

"Um, am I even on the right planet?" he asked. Another, much shorter person walked in.

"Kakorat, you MORON!" Vegeta said, slapping his hand on his forehead. "This isn't Earth!"

"Ooops! Took a wrong turn somewhere. . . Anyhow, Gohan, time to go home."

Marlene shrunk back to her normal self. She looked around and smiled. "Can we go ge tickets now?"

"Can we go home now?" Goku asked, trying to pry Aeris off his arm. Tifa just squeezed tighter.

"$^&^%*! Let's go so I can get home in time for the second episode of Dukes!" Cid said. AVALANCHE and the two Saiyan's followed him out.