The Time Travelers
By: Oni-Kamui
All Characters Copyright Squaresoft

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*The Final Fantasy VII gang is hanging out in 7th Heaven(as usual)*

*Barret is practicing shooting at a picture of Yuffie*

Barret: Damn, man! These new high-tech bullets are accurate but it would take twenty million of these things to kill a rat ‘cause they’re so small. Maybe I should switch to the old school bullets.

* Barret picks up a huge, cannon sized bullet. He shoves it into his gun arm, cocks, and fires. The bullet goes about 2 feet in front of him, makes a circle around Cloud, shoots out the window, and blows up 50 feet away outside*

Barret: Chea.

Yuffie: (sarcastically) Nice shot, Barret. I wish I could shoot like that.

Barret:Shut-up you B!^$#-Ho!

Vincent(walking in with a table on wheels with a sheet covering a huge object on the table):SHUT-UP YOU TWO!!

*Barret and Yuffie stare at Vincent and snarl.

Vincent: OKAY! I’ll stay out of the way!

Vincent:Listen up everybody! I have come up with an invention that-(Vincent’s voice fades into the background and Cid comes up behind the table and looks under the sheet.

Cid: What the F*@%!

*Cid pulls the sheet off and everyone looks at it in awe*

Yuffie:Hey! Isn’t that the thing that I used to mix my milkshake yesterday?

Vincent:No! It isn’t.

Yuffie:Then what did I use yesterday?

Vincent(hold up a blender):A BLENDER!

Yuffie: Oh yeah. OK! Continue.

Vincent:No, it’s not a blender or any other household appliance. It’s a TIME MACHINE!

Barret:Well, what does the damn thing do actually?

Vincent:Are you an IDIOT or JUST PLAIN STUPID!

Barret(shrugging his shoulders):I don’t know actually.

Vincent:Well, it’s self-explanatory actually. It is a machine that travels you through time.

Yuffie(all excited):ME FIRST!

Vincent:No! We all go together. OK. Everybody hold on to the time machine tightly, well, except you Red. You watch over the tavern.

Red(sadly):I never have any fun.

Yuffie: Oh well, let’s go!

*Yuffie presses the big red button and everyone is sucked into it*

Vincent:NO! That’s the wrong--

*The FFVII gang get transported into the machine where the blades are whirling around*

Yuffie(yelling over all the noise):TOLD YA! IT IS A WHATCHAMACALLIT!

Vincent:IT’S A BLENDER, BUT THAT DOSEN’T MATTER RIGHT NOW!

*Vincent pulls out a remote and presses a button. They get teleported back to 7th Heaven and then Vincent presses the right button and they get transported to a room that is flashing with all different kinds of colors and a bunch of people there*

Barret(looking around):Damn, man! It’s like one of those Independent Hippie movies that everyone hates, but it does look familiar.

*They look around at all of the people and then it hits them*

FFVII Gang:IT’S US!

*There is Barret without his gun-arm and with a Big-A$$ Afro, Yuffie that is about five years old running around like she needs ritalin, Cloud and Sephiroth are in the corner practicing fighting moves, and Tifa all alone in another corner, and she’s..(I hate to say this) FLAT-CHESTED!*

Vincent:NOW! Whatever you do, do not do anything that would alter history!

*The hippie-fied Barret comes over to them and opens up his trench-coat. It is filled with syringes galore*

Hippie Barret(in Jamaican accent):Hey Man. You want to buy some drugs?

Tifa:Barret?!

Hippie Barret:No Man. Drug Daddy’s the name. So?

*he nudges the coat towards them. They all say NO! and the hippie Barret closes his coat and you hear a bunch of puncturing sounds and then he says*:Oh! That feels good man!*Then falls over smiling*

Yuffie:Ok. Weird… OH! SNACK AND PUNCH!

*Yuffie goes over to a big table and starts chowin’ down. Then she gets a little punch and takes a long swig of it*

Yuffie:This is good pun…*she falls over unconscious*

*These kids point at Yuffie, laugh and run away holding a bottle of whiskey*

Cloud(slapping Yuffie):She’s knocked out cold.*He keeps on slapping her, harder every time and then comes back to his senses*

*Cloud stands up, looks at Sephiroth , walks over to him and cuts his head off*

Vincent:Cloud! I thought I told you not to do anything that would alter time!

Cloud:I’m sorry. I just had to!

Vincent:Well, I guess we gotta go so we don’t alter anything else.

*They put Yuffie’s hand on for her and the rest of them put their own on it and Vincent hit the Green button and they started to be pulled back through time and when they reappeared the time machine short circuited and they all came back to reality which wasn’t the same place as they remembered*

Cid:What the hell?!

*They were in a dry barren wasteland that was covered in sand and hills. Then all of a sudden, a giant ant came out from behind one of the hills. It was 60 feet tall and was on the move towards them*

Everybody(looking at Cloud):What’d you DO!

The End