August
31st
FIFA 2001/PSone
One on one, nobody in front of you except the
goalie that pooped himself
as he saw you blow past his defensemen like they were little rented mules. As
you approach faster and faster towards the self-defecating netminder you can
see his knuckles turning white as he prepares for the shot. Your main focus,
your whole reason for being however, is to see that sucker pound his fist
across the muddy earth as you grant him the great honor of letting him see your
strike from thirty feet away take out the back of the net. Soccer is war my
friends, and if you’re not prepared you could get your head taken off. But why make war in the real
world when you can wreak havoc in the comfort of your own living room.
NO, I’m not talking about destruction derby soccer, (although that can be
great fun) I’m talking about EA sports new chapter of FIFA soccer. FIFA
2001 for the Playstation is nothing like any sports game I’ve ever played. As
with most sports games I play, I like to, in my terms, “flog the dead horse”
meaning triple digit scores in a mere 30 minute time span. FIFA was
different however. While it did present a challenge for me to score hundreds of
goals within the first few minutes, I really didn’t mind it at all. FIFA is a
fast paced, rip off your head type of game, just the kind of game I would cream
over. It presents a good challenge for all you sport gamers out there, but
y’all don’t have to worry about being rendered scoreless on your first try. The
controls are kind of “iffy” and there’s no option to personalize them to your
own liking (which hindered the gameplay slightly), but this game is still well
worth the money. However, the clincher for me was the fact that instead of slide
tackling, you can give your opponents a lil’ nudge with a booming shoulder
charge (by the way, if you zoom in on the guy getting hit in instant replay,
you can see his head bounce off the ground...ultra dandy cool). One more hint
for y’all who are like me who like to humiliate your opponents, you can sub in
the biggest POS player for a goalie….*Sinister Laughing* *wheeze* *cough*
*hack* damn chicken nugget got stuck in my throat. Anyway, until next time,
this is the headless goalie signing off. And remember what my grandpappy
Trigger Happy Schizo said, “A win is a win, but a battered team is ultimate
success.”
-Rob |
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