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Windows is more confusing than I thought...

First off, my start menu broke:

Next thing I know, my e-mail caught on fire:

And as if that's not bad enough, I don't know how to get rid of this virus that's eating all my files:

And once I thought things couldn't get any screwier, I couldn't even figure out how to use Microsoft Word:

Hilf mir bitte, Herr Swanburg.  Ich verstehe "Windows" nicht.