Power. Prestige. Immortality. Divinity.
All things that many mortals strive for. I daresay, most mortals strive for in some part of their thought processes, even if it is but a silent, secret yearning. Yet, now that all this and more has been divested upon me, I find myself greatly humbled.
Point of fact, I find myself somewhat baffled that it hasn't driven me insane.
Ever wonder what it would be like if an infinite amount of possibilities were to become suddenly finite, and "crash" together, melding into a single, seamless aspect?
I speak here of all the alternate, parallel realities that one core being exists within. All had their own lives, thoughts, memories, ideaologies, desires, loves, hates, achievements, and regrets, despite being a reflection...or representation, rather...of a single, mortal creature. Within a heartbeat, the many became the one.
To say nothing of the confusion and trauma it caused the being itself, consider the ramifications it may have for all those left behind in the wake of it's disappearance. Lovers, families, friends...each may never know what occured. And I've found that not knowing the fate of one you care about is often far worse than if you could divulge they were outright dead.
I suppose my sanity is intact because I am no longer mortal, for yes, I fear those of less than divine status would have had their psyche shattered in such an event. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that I...perhaps selfishly...refuse to acknowledge many of the disparate aspects within at this time.
Oh, have no doubts, I will sift through the variety of memories as time progresses, but it will be an eventual process. For some reason, I find that one "parallel" has remained in control. Mayhaps because it was the one who actually attained divine status. I do not truly know, nor do I wish to delve more deeply into it, at least not now while I am still but a babe amongst the divine.
Speaking of divinity, I find myself wondering what that truly entails.
Surely, it grants some meausure of Power, as I have a few more parlor tricks up my sleeve than before. And I hear tell that I am somewhat more difficult to kill than I once was, though that remains to be seen.
Yet, this "divinity" has not granted me omnipotence, nor omniscience.
For one, I can't wiggle my fingers and create life where there was none. Nor, along the same lines, can I create a simple object out of nothing. Least wise, no more so than I could as a mortal spellcaster.
Neither can I simply gaze upon a creature and will it to death. That has to be done the old fashioned way.
Admittedly, I cannot glean into the minds of others across the cosmos any more than I could beforehand either. I can, of course, extend what sensory perceptions that I do possess over a vaster, though still limited, distance. But divinity has not granted me any new such perceptions to wield upon my whims.
Therefore, seeing as those are things most mortals feel gods are capable of, am I truly divine?
And if the answer is yes...am I worthy of such?
As I find myself in this position, the answer would be yes...in so far that at least some higher power out there feels so.
I, however, often find myself questioning the notion.
Now the question is, what shall I do with this power?
That has been largely left to my own whims and designs. A scary thought, that. Such whims have led me astray on more than a few occasions; now my whims are supposed to guide a multitude of others...worshipers, some would call them. Bah, the very thought sickens me.
The thought of worshipers, that is. I've nary a want for people to follow me as their leader during short endeavors, let alone having anyone bowing and prostrating before me in lifelong servitude. To me it seems a form of slavery, even if it is willing, and I've always abhored slavery.
Besides, I've not done much in my mortal life that deserves praising, and with the path I will set out to those who would follow, there won't be much room for any improvement in that department.
Assuredly, worshipers are not a thing I desire. Yet the "rulebook" states I must have them.
Hm, perhaps if I broke this rule, like I have with so many others down the years, my status would be revoked?
Doubtful, I'm not that lucky.
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