If You Asked Me To
By: Ashiko-chan
Used to be that I believed in something
Used to be that I believed in love
It's been a long time since I've had that feeling
I could love someone
I could trust someone
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Heero stared out the window, watching the moon reflect the sunlight of it's cratered surface. The moon was full and the sea of stars glittered in the black night sky. Wordlessly, he hopped out the window and walked outside. Lying down on his back in the cool grass, Heero sighed. Mentally the dark bishounen began to pick out the few constellations he knew in the cloudless sky.
It had been a two years since he retired as a Gundam pilot. For the most part, the Earth and Space seemed suspended in the concept of total pacifism. Heero chuckled to himself; he never really got the idea of leaving yourself totally defenseless to danger. But, he wasn't one to go start up another war, it just wasn't him.
Heero found a way to hide himself from most of the world. He choose to keep in contact with a very limited number of people. The former Gundam pilots, Quatre Raberba Winner, Trowa Barton, Chang Wufei, and Duo Maxwell made up the list, all, except for one, he rarely contacted anyway. Last time he spoke to Quatre, he filled his father's shoes and was successfully running the Winner estates. Trowa had returned to L3 to the circus with his sister Catherine, and Wufei stayed with Sally Po in the Preventer. Duo, well Duo...
I can't believe I let that baka move in with me.
But, I guess I enjoy his company.
I get this feeling that he understands what I say.
That he really listens, not just hears the words coming out of my mouth.
I can't believe that I actually like having him around.
I can't believe that I'm actually starting to love him.
All those years in the war, Heero only thought of Duo as an obstacle that he couldn't kill. Then, Heero couldn't make sense of it, obstacles were for killing purposes only. A perfect soldier would kill any obstacle for any reason. But, something about Duo, it just wouldn't let Heero finish him. Something that he could never pinpoint, it was just *there*.
Two years ago, when he launched to Earth during operation meteor, he'd never thought he'd live to see peace. Live to be eighteen years old, the thought just never even connected as possible. Especially not after he self-destructed at Siberia. Heero smirked a bit, that had to be one of his least favorite events as a Gundam pilot.
After the Eve Wars, Heero moved up into a cottage in the seclusion of Canada. Set in between mountains, brisk breezes cooled the homey little cabin. Forests painted the landscape a lush green, and streams splashed the land with cool blues and grays. It was all that he needed, well, maybe not everything.
Heero realized after a couple of months how lonely his heart was. In the war he had constant human interaction, maybe not pleasant interaction. But it was interaction nonetheless, and Heero hadn't *seen* a human in months.
Heero just sat down for lunch in the silent, lonely kitchen. Lately, all he could think about were his former allies, the Gundam pilots, especially the braided one. Unexpectedly, the loud blare of the phone blasted the high-strung boy out of his seat. After calming down, he reached over for the phone that never rang.
" Moshi moshi."
" Oi, Heero! It's Duo!" Heero gasped, he hadn't expected Duo to call. Not after Quatre told him that he and Hilde had shacked up on L2.
" Oh, hello Duo."
" As talkative as always. Geez, after not seeing me for four months I'd thought you'd have more to say than just hello. But that's you, the strong and maddeningly silent type, no da."
" What do you want?"
" Always want to cut right to the chase, never want to just chit chat. Uh, Quatre told you I had been up on L2 with Hilde, right?"
" Hai," Heero replied. He drummed his fingers impatiently, he hated it when people would just beat around the bush.
" Well…it seems that the arrangement didn't work out. So, I came back to Earth…I thought I'd track you down and visit you. If you don't mind," Duo added. Heero looked at the floor in contemplation, why not? If nothing else, maybe his exuberant behavior would light up the gloomy house.
" Sure."
" Great! I'll be there in about five minutes-"
" Five minutes? Where are you?"
" Uh… that's none of your concern! Ja ne!"
" Duo! Duo!" Heero shouted into the receiver. However, his only response was the vexing sound of a dial tone. Exhaling, he hung up the phone. He frowned as his eyes traveled over the room, a total pigsty.
Duo Maxwell sighed as he leaned back in his chair. He looked around the room, Heero was nowhere to be found. Staring up at the ceiling, he absently began to remember how he came to live in the house that belonged to Heero Yuy.
Heero raced around the house in a frenzy, attempting to make it look like he cleaned every now and then. After finishing his hasty cleaning, Heero sat back down in a chair in the living room. Knocking came from the front door, and Heero walked over to the door. Reaching his hand out to the cool brass, he turned and pulled the door open.
" Oi, Heero! It's good to see you!"
" Hello, Duo," Heero greeted. Waves of shock pulsated over his body as Duo dropped his bags and glomped him happily.
"I've missed you so much Heero…"Duo sighed. Heero stared at the self proclaimed Shinigami, somewhat confused.
" Uh…Duo?" Heero asked. Duo promptly jumped back, with a slight flush on his face.
" Can I get you something to drink?" Heero questioned.
" Sure, a beer would be great," Duo answered. Heero nodded and led the way into the kitchen. Opening the fridge, Duo looked in and saw an old pizza box, a bowl of rice, some sushi, bread, eggs, milk, cans of green tea, half-empty, and full bottles of beer. After grabbing two full bottles of beer, Heero turned around and handed one to Duo. The slight fizz of released carbonation led to the clinking of glass.
" To the future and the time we have together…" Duo proposed. Heero nodded and they both took a big gulp of beer. Duo looked around and quickly found his way over to the table. Heero soon accompanied him, sitting directly across the table
" So…what happened with Hilde?"
" Heero…you don't know how happy I am that you asked…"
Heero sat up in the cool breeze. Tucking his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his shins. He began to remember how upset Duo became over Hilde, the sorrow and heartbreak that left him with no place to turn.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I said I'd never let nobody near my heart again, darling
I said I'd never,
Let nobody in...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
" I'm sorry Duo…" Heero comforted. His dark eyes stared across the table to the normally happy boy. It was a strange sight, Duo with his head in his arms and swaying his braided head from side to side. Heero didn't know what to do. What to feel. As far as he could remember, he was trained *not* to feel. Eventually growing into a machine devoid of all emotion. It was like someone slowly removed his heart from his body. He remembered once feeling sad, then being told not to cry because it made you look weak.
" You can cry, if you want…"
" Boys don't cry, Heero. Boys don't cry."
Heero frowned again; he walked over to Duo and wrapped his arms around him. Duo looked up startled, this was incredibly out of character for Heero. But he just sighed in content, and rested his head against Heero's muscular chest. Heero looked down, locking gazes with Duo. A sudden shock electrified his body, leaving a warm, tingling feeling streaming through him.
" Arigato, Heero," Duo thanked. With that, he pulled on Heero's neck and kissed his lips. Heero felt another impulse of electricity up his spine. His mind, trained like a robot told him to back away. To kill him. But, something else in his body told him to give in. For once in the perfect soldier's life, he relented into the unknown. Slowly pressing his lips against Duo's…
* * * * * * * * * * * *
But if you ask me to,
I just might change my mind
And let you in my life forever.
If you ask me to,
I just might give my heart,
And stay here in your arms forever…
If you ask me to
If you ask me to…
* * * * * * * * * * * *
A blush crept across Heero's face after he remembered the night of his last memory. Slowly, he crumpled back into the grass. Closing his eyes, he recalled the morning after.
Heero woke up groggily as the sun began to float over the horizon. Sitting up wrapped in sheets, he looked next to him. Duo laid sprawled out all over the bed with a smile playing on his lips. Bending over, he planted a light kiss upon the sleeping ones lips.
" Duo, I'm so glad you came down to Earth," Heero whispered. Getting up out of bed, he threw some clothes on and headed for the kitchen. Reaching into the refrigerator, he pulled out the eggs, bread, and milk. After, he leaned over the counter to start up the coffee machine.
In the bedroom, Duo just began to wake up to the smell of breakfast. Stretching his arms to the ceiling, Shinigami let out a yawn. Shortly after flopping back down into the sheets, taking in their scent. After laying in bed for a couple more minute, Duo got dressed. Then heading to the bathroom to braid his hair, Duo walked out to the kitchen.
" Ohaiyo, Duo," Heero greeted. Duo sat down at the table while Heero served their first breakfast together.
Duo sat up and reached for the can of beer by his side. Sipping it slowly, his mind trailed onward in the past. He cringed at the reminisce of the events that followed. Feelings of sorrow plagued his mind as he resentfully let the memories continue.
" Duo…get out."
" Heero, c'mon! It wasn't anything-"
" Get out," Heero growled. He was seething out his anger as he ripped open the door. Duo's face began to look crestfallen as he glanced over his shoulder one last time. Picking up his duffel bag that suffered lack of use for the last four months, he started to walk out of distance. Heero turned around and slammed the door shut. His back began to slide down the wood until he hit the ground. Tears threatened to fall from his eyes, but he hastily wiped them away.
How could he do this to me?
Why? Why…did he…
Why did he go back to Hilde?
Heero sat tormented by the door. Theories flew through his head, but none of them made any sense or consoled him at all. Pounding his fist on the ground, slowly began to spiral into depression.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Somehow ever since I've been around you
Can't go back to being on my own…
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Heero unhooked one of his hands and brushed his fingertips over the grass, collecting the soft dew forming in the night. Stopping momentarily, he looked at his fingertips trailing downward past his hand to his wrist. Sharply averting his eyes from the scars that have healed, but would never be forgotten.
Heero staggered into the kitchen, piss drunk. Tears dripped of his face, he couldn't stand it any longer. Not one more day could pass without him being with Duo. Fumbling, he reached into a drawer and pulled out a knife. Last strands of moonlight harshly reflected off the sharp blade. Grasping the knife firmly in one hand, he cringed as he felt the blade pierce through his wrist, then his jugular. Soon, a daze swallowed him whole, sending him reeling to the ground. A cling rang through the air as the knife began sink along with Heero in pools of his own blood.
A small rumble in his stomach brought Duo to his feet. Walking into the kitchen, he reached into the refrigerator and grabbed out a block of cheese. Leaning over, he extended his arm into a drawer, pulling out a knife. After he cut off a slice, he dropped the knife to the ground in fear. For it was *that* knife…
" Thanks, Trowa. I'll come back and see you soon," Duo promised.
" Okay Duo," Trowa replied.
" Ja ne!"
" Good-bye, Duo." Trowa farewelled.
Duo walked back to the airport that he had arrived from. He looked up at the sky, thankful that he found Trowa. After the fight with Heero over the his trip to L2, Duo left Earth. He thought about Quatre, but decided not to bother the heavily occupied businessman. Remembering that Trowa was on L3, he boarded the next shuttle to that colony. After three weeks of searching, he discovered the circus. Trowa and his sister Catherine graciously invited him in. Soon enough, he found himself spilling all the details about the fight. Trowa offered him the best advice he could give.
" Go back to Earth, and talk to him. You know how he disappears, you might never see him again."
Duo stood up at the announcement of his flight. Without any troubles, the shuttle made in back down to Earth. Calling a taxi, Duo leapt in and instructed him where to go. At last, he arrived at Heero's door. After knocking for awhile with no answer, Duo decided to be nosy and look in the window. What he saw made him crash through the door. Running into the kitchen, Duo raced over to the almost unconscious Heero. Grabbing some towels, he pressed one firmly against the incision in the vein running through his wrist. He placed the other against the vein in his neck. For the first time in his life, Duo threw away his standards and broke down into tears. Reducing the two of them to nothing more than boys sitting in puddles of blood and tears.
Sitting down on the tile floor that lined the kitchen, Duo ran his hands through his hair. Finding Heero like that was one of the reasons he started to believe in God. It was a miracle that he had found him in time.
" Mr.Maxwell?"
" Yes?" Duo asked. He jumped off the uncomfortable plastic chair in excitement. It had been two weeks since he'd brought Heero to the hospital. Unfortunately for Duo, they made Heero stay awhile for mental rehab.
" I have good news for you. Mr.Yuy is clear to return home."
" Really?! Thank you!" Duo acknowledged gleefully.
" We'll wheel him down to the front, you can wait for him there."
" Okay, will do Doc!" Duo agreed. He raced through the antiseptic smelling halls to the parking lot. Drawing out his car, Duo drove his black Explorer over the entrance. Fidgeting impatiently, Duo waited for Heero out in the cold. His heart raced when he saw his beloved dark haired Heero appear out of the double doors. Jumping out of the car, he ran over the hospital aid to help put Heero in the car. Soon enough, the two of the began to head home. Heero pressed his hand against the window, watching delicate snowflakes fall from the sky.
" Duo…arigato…" Heero murmured. Duo looked over at the distracted bishounen, a smile spreading across his face. Other than those two words, not a thing was spoken between them all the way home.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Can't help feeling hope since I've been around you…
That I've found my home…
That I'm finally home…
I said I'd never let nobody get to close to me, darling
I said I needed…
Needed to be free…
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Standing up, Duo walked into the bedroom that he shared with Heero. Quietly, he opened up one of the drawers. Looking around to make sure Heero wasn't there, he felt around. His hands met a small box that he withdrew from the drawer. Looking at the open window, Duo smiled. Heero must be out in the wilderness again.
Duo watched over Heero like a hawk for the next couple weeks. If one-person alone can keep a twenty-four surveillance on another, Duo did the best job possible. Slowly, Heero began to relax and heal. Duo tended to Heero's wounds, listening to whatever he had to say. Together, they spent a lot of time hiking in the surrounding mountains, or just being outside. Taking in the fresh air and landscape.
Time passed on and on, as it does. After awhile, Duo decided it was time he go back to work at the salvage yard not to far from home. Making Heero promise he wouldn't do anything stupid, Duo returned to his job.
Heero spent a lot of time just thinking. Thinking about how stupid he was that he'd kicked out Duo without even talking to him. He suffered a slight amnesia, affecting only the time that Duo left. Doctors told him that it was an effect of his severe depression. Faintly, he remembered calling Hilde, and her saying she hadn't seen Duo since he left. He remembered the guilt that ensued that call, and the even further depression that followed the guilt. Duo had done nothing wrong.
Heero stared one last time at the moon, to this day he still didn't know why Duo went to L2. After he stood up, he brushed the grass off his pants and tucked his hands in his pockets. He turned around and headed off for home.
" Ne, Heero…over here," a voice called. Heero turned around to see the smiling face of Duo.
" What is it, Duo?" Heero asked. Duo walked over, and pulled Heero down to the ground. He turned over and brought a box out of his pocket.
" This is for you Heero, to keep track of the time we have together," Duo presented. Heero looked a him curiously, taking the box from his hand. Opening it, he saw an elegant silver watch lined with gold. Heero gazed at it in awe, fingering the lovely detail.
" Remember when I went to L2? This is why I went up there, to buy you this," Duo whispered. Heero looked up at Duo with a face of guilt. Slowly, Duo shook his head.
" I've already forgiven you, don't make me do it again. It's bad for my health," Duo commented. To Duo's happiness, Heero's face took on a new look, one of relief. But he still looked a bit quizzical.
" Why did you want to go all the way up to L2 for this?" Heero asked. A smile grew even larger on Duo's lips as he slid the watch on his wrist. Looking up at Heero, he pointed to a small button on the side of the watch.
" L2's the only place I know of where you can get a self destruct button in a watch," Duo remarked. Both boys began to laugh, but Heero decided it would be most appropriate to thank Duo right away. Wrapping his arms around him, the two of them began to kiss under the audience of the stars.
Finally, the last pieces of the puzzle fell into place.
Heero was in Duo's arms…
And Heero's heart in Duo's hands.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
But if you asked me to,
I just might change my mind
And let you in my life forever
If you asked me to
I just might give my heart
And stay here in your arms forever
If you asked me to
If you asked me to…
- Celine Dion
