Narrator: Hey!

“Don’t deny it, you know it’s true,” replied Kazuya. “Now go on and start the damn story already.”

It all began with another meeting:

“Lee, read back to me what is on this week’s memo,” said Kazuya.

Lee flipped through his memo book, and pointed at the page when he came across it. He cleared his throat. “‘Score with Jun’.”

The Committee snickered, and King shouted “Hell yeah! I’d like to see that!” while Ganryu pulled out a digital camera.

Kazuya sneered, and smacked Lee with a 2x4. “The OTHER memo!”

Lee put his jaw back into place. Again, he cleared his throat. “ ‘Rid the world of Pokemon’.”

The Committee looked at Lee funny.

“Hey, I’m just reading it! It was Kazuya’s idea!” exclaimed Lee as he pointed to Kazuya.

“Why is it that the sex one sounded much more normal than the Pokemon one?” Michelle asked rhetorically.

“Like, why would you want to get rid of Pokemon? They’re, like, totally cute.” cried Ling as she clutched her Pikachu doll.

“Ling, for your sake, that doll better not talk, because if it does, you will be shot.” “You’re like, mean to me,” Ling replied as she tossed the doll aside.

“Man, you must not have anything better to do if you’re going after some kid’s show,” jeered Paul as he leaned back in his chair.

“Yeah, and you have nothing better to do if you’re going to help me go through with it,” retorted Kazuya, who then threw a Tekken Trophy at Paul’s head.

“Dude, you’re not really going to get rid of that show with the kids and monsters, are you?” asked Hwoarang.

Kazuya glared at Hwoarang. “Do you even know what is going on?”

Hwoarang stared blankly at Kazuya for a minute. “Dude...wait...I so…are you planning on getting rid of that franchise with the evolving monsters and the kids or that other franchise with the other evolving monsters and the other kids?”

Kazuya gave Hwoarang the strangest look. “Um...that other franchise with the other evolving monsters and the other kids.”

“Oh! Dude, yeah, get rid of that one.” He then resumed getting high.

Kazuya decided to just let that one go.

“Seriously, why do you want to get rid of Pokemon?” asked Bryan.

“Because Pokemon is a conspiracy. See, on the outside, it’s an annoying-as-hell kid’s franchise based on a rather annoying-as-hell game. But in reality, it’s just some plot by Nintendo to get everyone’s money and then take over the world.”

The Committee was silent.

“Uh...you must have really hit your head when you were tossed off that cliff...that’s the craziest idea you’ve ever come up with,” commented Lei. Kazuya threw a stapler at Lei.

“Quiet, you. The way I see it, our only way of getting rid of Pokemon is to create something just as annoyingly cute, but more appealing,” said Kazuya.

“So what’s the plan?” asked Yoshimitsu.

Kazuya smirked. “TekkenMon, of course. Cute little Tekken characters—who can resist that? Fans and kiddies alike won’t be able to resist them.”

The Committee stayed quiet.

“Well, it’s official. This Committee isn’t just weird, this Committee are sick!” exclaimed Julia.

(NOTE: The author would like to apologize for the over-used reference to Final Fantasy 7’s “This guy are sick” line. In fact, if she does it again, Kazuya gets to smack her upside her head.)

Narrator: Hey!

Kazuya smirked. “I think that’s a good idea!”

Narrator: *glares at Kazuya*

“Who are you talking to?” asked Lee.

Kazuya punched Lee in the face. “Don’t sneak up on me like that, Lee!” He straightened the cuffs on his shirt. “Alright, in order to market it, we’ll need some money. Lee, hand me the envelope.”

Lee gave Kazuya a puzzled look. “Envelope?”

Kazuya sighed. “Yes...you know, the one we keep the funds in?”

Lee still looked at Kazuya funny.

Kazuya clenched his fists. “NEVER MIND. I can get it myself.” Kazuya got up to get the envelope he was sure existed.

Lee shrugged his shoulders. “I still don’t know what he’s talking about. And since when did we have funds?”

Kazuya walked back to his chair with a manila envelope in his hand.

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Lee.

“Lee, you’re a dumb-ass, that’s why.” Kazuya opened the envelope. His eyes widened and his jaw fell a few inches. “Oh, shit.”

“What’s wrong, honey?” asked Jun.

Kazuya smiled nervously; a look that was not the most common thing to see on his face. “It would appear that we’re out of money.”

The Committee gasped.

Jin leaned towards Julia. “Uh...why are we so shocked if we’re clueless as to what’s going on?” he asked her.

Julia shrugged her shoulders. “For that dramatic feel, I guess. Why don’t you ask him?”

Jin raised his hand. “Hey dad, since when did we have funds?”

Kazuya put the envelope away. “I guess I forgot to tell you all. See, I needed money to start this Committee. Where does the money go, you ask? Why, the money paid for the furniture in here, for the lovely carpeting, and for the room and the numerous repairs made for said room since we’re a destructive bunch.”

“Uh, no, he’s the destructive one, not us,” muttered Paul.

“Paul, shut your damn mouth,” said Kazuya. He threw a brick at Paul, hitting him in the head.

“I thought that money went into all those objects you threw,” said Nina.

“Nah, Kazuya has an attic full of crap,” clarified Lee.

“Funny thing is, I don’t know how it got there,” added Kazuya.

“So where do you get your funding?” asked King.

“Well, some of the money was my own, and the rest came from the Coca-Cola Company since I kept plugging Surge.” Kazuya took a sip of that green beverage of the same name.

“Whoa, and here I thought Namco was funding us,” said Lei.

Kazuya scoffed. “Yeah, right!”

Lee lit up a cigarette. “Here it comes...”

“Here comes what?’ inquired Nina.

“Oh, I think I heard this story once. I think it has to do with Kazuya and how he hates Namco,” said Jin.

“Oh yeah, I bet it’s because he wasn’t in Tekken 3! Hahaha!” laughed Paul. Kazuya pulled out a Buster Sword, and stabbed Paul with it.

“Anyway,” continued Kazuya. “I’m guessing you all want to hear about why Namco won’t fund us.”

The Committee all had popcorn and Kleenex tissues.

“Tell away!” exclaimed Lei as he munched on some popcorn.

Kazuya decided to not dignify how fast the Committee was ready to hear his story with a response. He just cleared his throat.

“It all started with an argument at Namco HQ...”

(NOTE: The Namco employees’ names have been changed so I don’t get sued)

“YOU BASTARDS!!!” Kazuya shouted as he waved his contract. “I thought I was going to be playable in Tekken 3, not appear in an Arcade movie and an ending!”

One of the Namco employees sighed. “Well, we’re sorry...we just felt that we needed someone a little...younger.”

Kazuya’s eyes widened, and his jaw fell. “Someone...younger? Then Kill off Heihachi! Not me!”

Another Namco employee shook his head. “We felt that Heihachi was...necessary...for Tekken.” As soon as he said this, he held up a sock puppet to the window. In the parking lot, Heihachi put his binoculars down, and signaled his Tekkenshu to remove the explosives from the Namco employee’s car.

“Wait, how could remember that if you didn’t see it?” Bryan asked skeptically.

Kazuya shrugged his shoulders. “I’m supposed to be consistent?” He replied sarcastically.

“Hey, is it just me, or is that flashback in Italics?” asked Yoshimitsu.

"It's just you," Kazuya snapped quickly. “Anyway, let me continue.”

“OH MY GOD!! So that’s why you used Jin?! What the hell did I ever do to you guys?!” demanded Kazuya.

The first Namco employee sighed again. “You haven’t done anything, really. We just felt that there needed to be two Mishimas in the game, so we drew names, and you were chosen to be removed.”

Kazuya crushed his contract in his hands. “JIN’S NOT EVEN A MISHIMA!!!!”

“Calm down, Mr. Mishima...you’re crushing your contract,” replied the second Namco Employee.

Kazuya’s fists trembled. Enter sarcasm: “Oh...so I’m crushing your little contract...say, if this contract were to be destroyed in some way, you wouldn’t own me anymore, would you?”

“ ‘Own’ is such a harsh word...we prefer to say ‘have the rights to use’,” clarified the first Namco employee.

Kazuya drummed his fingers on his desk. “You didn’t answer my question...not that it matters anymore. It was bad enough you decided to keep that ending where I was killed in Tekken 2, but you actually had the balls to go through with it?! And your reasons for killing me off are horrible! HORRIBLE! Heihachi should have DIED of a heart attack, and Jin is a POSER MISHIMA!

“Know what I think? I think the real reason I wasn’t in Tekken 3 is because you’re all a bunch of p—”

King spit out his beer. “You called them WHAT?!”

Kazuya scratched the back of his head, his face a rather rosy color. “Let’s just say I called them another word for ‘cat’, but in a much more offensive context.”

“Damn, you must have been really pissed,” said Nina.

“Seriously, man…even I don’t get called that!” exclaimed Paul.

“I’m sorry Namco did that to you, honey,” comforted Jun as she cuddled Kazuya.

“I’m really hurt,” Jin pouted.

“Poor baby,” said Julia as she cuddled Jin.

“Okay, too much cuddling in this room,” complained Bryan.

“Wish someone would cuddle me,” whined Lei.

Bryan simply looked at Lei funny without comment.

Kazuya immediately let go of Jun. “Where were we, anyway? Oh yes, we’re out of funds. Lee, take a memo: learn to stay on track of things, and teach Committee to do the same.”

“So, how are we going to solve this problem?” asked Lee as he wrote the memo.

Kazuya smiled. “Why, I plan to sell those tapes of the Tekken endings that never made the cut.”

“Aren’t those stashed in a super-secret room at Namco?” inquired Law.

Kazuya nodded. “That they are. But I have a great plan that will allow me to sneak in there, snatch the vids, and then get the hell out before they notice.”

“Uh, question,” announced King as he raised his hand.

“Yes?” Kazuya asked in return.

“What part do we play in this scheme?”

Kazuya smirked. “Oh, you’ll know when you get there.”

“I don’t like where this is going,” whispered Julia.

“See anything, Nina?” asked Kazuya.

Nina peered at the building with her infrared goggles. “Yes, I see many rooms, and many employees inside.”

Kazuya’s fist shook. “I didn’t ask for a smart-ass answer.”

Nina removed her goggles to give Kazuya an innocent look. “But it’s true! There are a lot of rooms and employees in there.”

Kazuya shook his head. “Lee, do we have the cardboard box?”

“Yes,” he answered as he pointed to it behind him with his thumb. He looked ahead, only to see Kazuya staring at him.

“What are you staring at?” Lee asked.

Kazuya continued to stare at Lee, and then he sighed, and asked, “Lee, are you wearing silver lipstick?”

Lee’s jaw fell. “No, I’m not!” he shouted.

“Hey, I’m sorry…I just thought you were.”

Lee bit his lip. “I’m wearing lip balm, that’s all.”

“Hey, I was just wondering, that’s all…maybe the light is just making it look like you’re wearing silver lipstick,” replied Kazuya. Lee sighed.

“Meow? Meow?” asked Kat-zumi.

“Kat-zumi wants to know what the plan is,” translated Jun.

Kazuya looked at the building. “Well, the main plan is to get me inside the building without my being noticed by Namco.”

“Yeah, some of their most popular characters going to go to the HQ for no real reason; yeah, that won’t raise any suspicions!” Paul mocked sarcastically.

Kazuya gnashed his teeth for a moment, but then a malevolent grin came upon his face.

“Since you’re so enthusiastic about doing this mission, Paul, you get to be in the box.”

“Wait, why me?” he asked.

Kazuya placed a hand on Paul’s shoulder. “Because I hate you, Paul, and I want to make your life as much of a living hell as possible. Now get your ass in the box!” Kazuya then threw Paul into the box.

Paul peeked out from the box. “Hey, you could have ruined my hair you know!” he shouted angrily as he held up his middle finger.

Kazuya ignored him, and threw Law at him. “Take Law with you!”

“Just what the hell are we supposed to do with this box anyway?” asked Paul.

“Ever played that game ‘Metal Gear Solid’?” asked Kazuya.

“No,” answered Paul.

“Doesn’t matter; you and Law are going undercover as a box.” Kazuya then turned to Bryan, Lei, and King.

“You three are going to go inside and hit the snack machines. If they ask, tell them that this is the only place that has ‘Surge’,” explained Kazuya.

“But what if they don’t have Surge?” asked Lei.

“Then replace ’Surge’ with the name of some other beverage, Lei Wu-Dumb-Ass!”

“You know, I am really not appreciating your really poor attempts at making fun of my name.”

“Whatever; just go. Oh, and Bryan, if you can get my damn M&M’s, that would probably delay your inevitable ass kicking,” added Kazuya.

Bryan sneered at Kazuya as the trio walked off.

Kazuya faced Anna. “Anna, your job is to distract as many of the men working there as possible. The lower the odds of my getting caught are, the better.”

Anna adjusted her dress. “That will be no problem for me.”

“It better not be, seeing how she’s done that sort of thing all her life,” muttered Nina.

“Don’t you even start with me, you skank!” shouted Anna as she slapped Nina.

“You call that a slap?!” taunted Nina as she smacked Anna.

“Smack that bitch!” exclaimed Paul as he held some money.

“Hey!” shouted Kazuya. “Why the hell aren’t you inside already?!” Paul and Law immediately hid in the box—but that didn’t stop Kazuya from kicking the box so hard that it flew all the way inside the Namco HQ.

“That was rather harsh,” stated Lee.

“Shut up. Alright, stop fighting you two!” said Kazuya as he separated the warring sisters. “Anna, get going.”

Anna stuck her tongue out at Nina, who responded in the same manner.

“Nina, I want you to continue watching the building. If someone is too close to my location, Yoshimitsu here will teleport to my location, and get me to a safer location.”

“Works for me,” said Yoshimitsu. He then pulled out a Tekken Monopoly game.

“Wait, how will I know which one is you?” asked Nina.

Kazuya shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe my purple suit will stick out, or something.”

Nina rolled her eyes and shook her head, then joined Yoshimitsu for a game of Tekken Monopoly.

“Jin and Julia, you’re going to—” Kazuya caught them in the middle of a make-out session, so he moved on. “— Keep doing that. Bob!”

“Dude…how many times am I going to have to remind you that my name is NOT Bob?”

“Countless. Bob, you’re going to take these Lego’s, and make a castle out of them.”

“Dude, Lego’s are neat,” he replied as he took the set.

“Uh, what was the point of that?” asked Michelle.

Kazuya shrugged his shoulders. “No point…it’s just that these have been sitting on my shelf for a while, and it would be such a waste to leave them there.”

“Okay, whatever. What do you want me to do?” asked Michelle.

“Go help Hwoarang with the Lego castle,” answered Kazuya.

Michelle shrugged her shoulders. “Um, okay.”

“And let Kat-zumi help you!” added Kazuya. Kat-zumi let out a rather puzzled mew, shrugged her shoulders, and followed Michelle.

“Can I help too?” asked Ganryu.

“NO! Keep that freak of nature away from me!” cried Michelle.

“You heard the lady, Ganny-boy. Here, why don’t you work on this 500,000 piece puzzle?” Kazuya insisted.

“But I’d rather help out Michelle!”

“Michelle would be happier if you could accomplish something as great as completing a 500,000 piece puzzle.”

“She would? Really?! Then I’ll do it!” Ganryu took the puzzle, and opened the box (which displayed the image of some pine trees in a very shady woodland setting). 500,000 tiny pieces fell out.

Kazuya shrugged his shoulders. “Jun…sweetie, I want you to plant flowers around the building. If they ask, tell them they needed something better than these bushes here.”

Jun smiled. “Will do.” She kissed Kazuya on the lips. “Good luck, honey.”

“Hey, what do I get to do?” asked Lee.

Kazuya shrugged his shoulders. “I guess you can document all this. Not sure. Or smoke.”

Lee slouched. “Gee, thanks. I’m going to help Hwoarang with that Lego castle. ”

Kazuya then faced the building. A gust of wind (for added drama) blew around him. He took a deep breath, and then ran for the building.

“Hey! Like, what about me?”

Kazuya stumbled around, flailing his arms about, and barely managed to retain his balance. He turned around.

“Dammit! You ruined the moment!” shouted Kazuya. He threw a large box of Stridex pads at Ling.

“Hey! I take care of my face!” Ling shouted back. A book, “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens”, hit her.

“Like, what am I supposed to do with this?” she asked.

“Read it. It might do you some good.” Kazuya dashed for the Namco building once again, this time without interruption.

Kazuya immediately ducked behind a sofa the moment he stepped inside. He peeked out from behind it. The coast was clear—well, okay, there was a secretary there, but she was busy flirting with one of the employees. Kazuya crouch-dashed to the stairs, and ran up as fast as he could. He ducked behind a wall when he arrived on the second floor.

“See what responsible people work at Namco,” Kazuya muttered to himself as he sneaked away.

“Hey King, what’s wrong?” asked Lei.

“I don’t have any money for the machines, since I’m in my wrestling outfit for some reason. You two have any?”

“I would have money on me, but my snakeskin pants have no pockets,” complained Bryan.

“Yeah, my fancy pants don’t have pockets either,” replied Lei.

“Boy, we suck,” concluded King.

“Kazuya’s going to kick our asses if he shows up and sees us not doing what he asked,” noted Lei.

“Kazuya’s going to kick our asses anyway…it would just be delayed, that’s all,” clarified Bryan.

King and Lei nodded their heads in agreement.

“So, uh…what are we gonna do?” asked Bryan.

“Well, I guess we have no choice but to reach up in the machine, and hope we get a Surge,” answered King. He turned to Lei. “Hey, would reaching up a machine to get a soda be illegal?”

Lei shrugged his shoulders. “I think so.”

King nodded. “Oh, okay. Just making sure. Hey Bryan, you wanna get those sodas for us?”

Bryan pointed to himself. “Why me? Don’t you know it’s dangerous to do that sort of thing? I heard a guy lost his arm doing this sort of thing!”

“Which is why you’re the man for the job!” exclaimed King. “See, since you’re a zombie-man, you could be dislocated countless times, but that’s okay since we can always get replacement parts…you see what I’m saying?”

Bryan glared at King. “Couldn’t we make Lei do it?”

The two faced Lei. Lei did a double take. “Hey, I need my arms, thank you very much!” he protested.

“Yeah, but you have girly arms, so it’d be easier to slip into and out of the machine,” replied Bryan.

“I do not! Where’d you get that idea from anyway?”

“It was just an excuse,” admitted Bryan.

Lei frowned. “Well, that was a terrible try.”

“But I don’t know how to do it!” whined Bryan.

“It’s not that hard! All you have to do is reach into the machine, like so,” demonstrated Lei. “Then, just feel around until you grab something that feels like a soda can—aha! Then, you…why are you laughing, Bryan?”

Bryan grinned. “Isn’t it obvious?”

“He just played you for a fool!” King added, bursting out in laughter.

“You guys are so mean to me! For that, I’m not getting you any soda!” replied Lei, but King and Bryan were still laughing. Ignoring them, he attempted to pull his arm out of the machine.

“Uh, guys?”

King and Bryan were still laughing.

“Guys!”

Bryan happened to look in Lei’s general direction. “Lei…don’t tell me you’re stuck, man!”

“Nah, I’m not stuck; I’m just faking it for your amusement!” Lei answered sarcastically.

“Really? BAHAHAHA!” Bryan and King burst out laughing again.

“Guys, I’m really stuck!” cried Lei.

“Yeah, right; I’m gonna pull at your arm, and watch it come out!” King replied. He held Lei’s arm and tugged at it. The arm was still stuck.

“Uh…heh, heh, that was just a practice run, really,” said King. “This is the real one!” King tugged at Lei’s arm again.

“OW!” cried Lei.

“Hey Bryan, I think he’s really stuck!” exclaimed King.

“You’re probably not pulling at the arm right!” retorted Bryan. He cracked his knuckles, grabbed Lei’s arm, and yanked it. Lei cried out in pain again, but the arm was still stuck in the machine.

Bryan scratched his head. “Well, I don’t know what to do. Wanna play cards?”

“Okay,” agreed King.

“Can I play too?” asked Lei.

“You’ve only got one free arm,” reminded Bryan.

“So? I could probably still play.”

Bryan and King shrugged their shoulders. “Well, if you say you can play, then I guess we can’t argue about it.”

Paul and Law were sitting under the cover of the box. It would have been completely dark, but there were two eyeholes Paul made to check out the female employees. But since Paul hadn’t seen any, he got bored.

“Hey Paul,” Law finally said to break the silence.

“What’s up?” Paul answered with a question.

“Have you noticed that we’ve tried to unmask Kunimitsu, and not King?”

Paul stared at Law. “You must be bored.”

“But I’m serious! King is always wearing that mask! Am I the only one that is curious?”

“I think you are a really bored man, Law,” Paul replied in a monotonous tone.

“This sucks. Shouldn’t Kazuya have been here by now?” asked King as he drew some cards.

“Maybe he took an elevator,” said Bryan.

“Couldn’t he get noticed that way?” King asked.

“This game sucks,” complained Lei.

”For once, I agree. Let’s play something else!” concurred King. “Anyone up for Parcheesi?”

“NO!” Lei and Bryan answered in unison.

“Well, fine.” King tossed the board game aside; a hurtful look was on his face. His face lit up when he saw someone else. “Hey! It’s Kazuya!”

The three waved at the Committee president. Kazuya ran up to them and smacked them all upside the head.

“What the hell are you three doing?! You’re supposed to be drinking Surge, but instead you’re playing games and Lei has his arm stuck up a machine, which I don’t even want to KNOW how that happened; and then you call my name out loud enough for everyone to hear! Want to give me any other reasons to kick your asses right now?”

“Actually, have you heard how Lei even got in this mess? It’s funny, really…we had no money to use on the snack machines, so I tried to get Bryan to stick his arm up there, but Bryan didn’t want to, so he suckered Lei into doing it, and now Lei’s arm is stuck in there!” explained King.

Kazuya glared at the three for a moment, but his lips started curling into a smile, and he snickered, which ended up as hysterical laughter, but he remembered that he had to keep quiet, so he clasped his hands over his mouth. After another moment, he regained his composure.

“Lei, you really are a dumb-ass! King and Bryan, you’ll just have to find a way to get him out. When all is said and done, I’m kicking all your asses.” Kazuya sneaked away to the next flight of stairs.

King looked at his watch.

“So, uh…how do you think we should approach this?” asked Bryan.

“Dammit!” cursed Nina as she handed Yoshimitsu some play money. “I’ll get you yet for buying the Mishima Railroad!”

Yoshimitsu laughed it up as he took the 2000-yen. “Ling, it’s your turn to roll.”

“Like, okay.”

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be reading your book?” reminded Nina.

“Like, I guess. Aren’t you supposed to be, like, monitoring Kazuya’s progress or something?”

“Touché,” Yoshimitsu commented.

“Quiet, ninja-boy. As a matter of fact, Ling, I am monitoring his progress right now. See, I’m looking through my goggles right now, and he’s on the fifth floor, and…you don’t believe me, do you?”

Ling shook her head.

“Go see for yourself! I swear to you that he’s on the fifth floor.”

Ling stood up. “Like, okay, but you better not be, like, lying or whatever!” She headed towards the building after warning Nina. The moment Ling had stepped into the building, Nina grabbed all of Ling’s cards, deeds, and money.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” asked Yoshimitsu.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I wanted that ‘Get out of getting a beat down free’ card, and Ling took it first!”

“Yes, but that’s very wrong! You shouldn’t take her money, cards, and—” Nina bribed Yoshimitsu with some of the cards, deeds, and money she had taken from Ling, thus keeping Yoshimitsu quiet.

“Dude, these Lego people are so small,” stated Hwoarang.

“Just remember that the ones you have go in the alligator-infested moat,” reminded Michelle. “I still have to finish this damn tower. How are you doing with that catapult, Kat-zumi?”

“Meow, purr!” answered Kat-zumi.

“Kat-zumi says ‘It’s going really well!’ Jun shouted as she planted some azaleas.

Michelle nodded. She noticed that Ganryu was still working on the puzzle. “Hey Ganny-boy, how much of the puzzle have you managed to put together?”

Ganryu’s face lit up when he heard Michelle’s voice. “Why, I have managed to get twenty pieces together…I think. I’m not sure that it’s the same as the picture though, because everything looks the same, so I’m simply—”

At this point Michelle chose to ignore him. “Hey Lee, how are you doing with that throne room?”

“I can’t seem to find the king,” said Lee.

“Isn’t there a king in this set?” asked Michelle as she checked the box. “Hey, the king is missing! Does Kazuya know about this?”

Lee’s cigarette fell out of his mouth. “Shit, I don’t think he does. Should I go tell him?”

“Probably.”

“I’ll be back then,” said Lee.

“Hey Paul,” said Law.

“Yeah, Law?”

“Have you ever wondered why Lei looked younger in Tekken 3 than in Tekken 2?”

“Law, does Marshall give you a lot of free time? Because it really shows.”

The threesome—

“Huh huh, she said ‘threesome’,” snickered King.

“Uh…what are you talking about?” asked Lei.

“Uh nothing!” King answered quickly. “Anyway, we’ve tried using a crowbar. We’ve tried shaking the machine. We’ve tried unplugging it. I’ve even drop-kicked the damn thing, and nothing has happened!”

“I’m never going to get out of here,” cried Lei.

“Well, there’s on thing we haven’t tried,” said Bryan.

“What’s that?” asked a very hopeful Lei.

Bryan grinned rather malevolently. “We’re going to have to cut your arm off.”

Lei’s smile vanished, and his jaw dropped to the floor.

“Hey! Why didn’t I think of that?!” King said to himself as he smacked his forehead.

“But, I want to keep my arm!” Lei cried again.

“Sorry, I can’t hear you! You’re gonna have to speak up!” shouted Bryan as he revved up a chain saw.

“What the hell…is that a chain saw?” Kazuya asked to himself. “God, what was I thinking sending those three in together?”

“I’m gonna have to fight you if it means I can keep my arm!” warned Lei.

“You won’t get too far with that arm in that machine,” reminded Bryan.

Just as Bryan was about to apply the chainsaw to Lei’s arm, Ling walked into the room.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” King asked as Bryan cut off the chainsaw. Lei let out a very relieved sigh.

“Like, Nina told me that Kazuya was on the fifth floor, but he, like, wasn’t. But then I got totally thirsty, so I decided to get a drink. Like, why is your arm stuck there, Lei?”

Lei, Bryan, and King all slapped their foreheads and sighed.

“Long story,” said Lei.

“Whatever. I’m thirsty, and I don’t care if your arm is, like, stuck in the machine.” Ling walked up to the machine, and deposited some coins. As her index finger reached the button to select her beverage of choice, Lei began to sweat very nervously, afraid of what could happen to his arm. King opened up a can of beer, and Bryan simply watched with anticipation.

Ling selected to drink a Diet Coke. The machine made its usual sounds, and then released the selected drink—along with Lei’s arm, which held the drink.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” said Lei.

“Like, what were you going to do with my Diet Coke?” Ling demanded angrily. She snatched—

“Huh huh, ‘snatched’,” said King.

Do you mind? I’m trying to write here!

“Sorry, sorry…”

“Who are you talking to?” asked Bryan.

“Uh...nobody.”

“Man…first Kazuya does it, then Yoshimitsu, now you. I think Julia’s had us pegged when she said we’re all sick. Speaking of sick, DIET COKE?! That’s a sissy drink! That was totally not worth getting your arm stuck in that machine!”

“Hey,” said Ling as she took another sip of the Nutra-Sweet-laced beverage.

Lei scowled at Bryan. “If you think you’re so good at it, then why don’t YOU try it?”

“Fine, I will! I’ll show you how it’s really done, girly-boy!” declared Bryan as he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt.

“You’re not wearing a shirt,” reminded King.

“I’m not? Hey, I’m not. Oh well.” Bryan cracked his knuckles.

“I’m not a girly-boy!” Lei finally said.

Bryan just ignored him, and reached up the soda machine. He fumbled around, and smiled when he grabbed what he hoped was not a “sissy” drink.

“Let me show you how it’s really done, Lei—see what drink a real man gets!” With that, Bryan yanked his arm out of the machine.

“Yes, that must a really manly drink—that is, if it weren’t still caught in the machine with the rest of your arm,” King replied.

“Say what? My arm—OH MY GOD! My arm got caught in the machine! My arm got caught in the machine!” shouted Bryan. Lei and King were too busy laughing to care about Bryan’s predicament.

“Like, that is soooo ninth grade,” Ling said as she rolled her eyes and continue to drink her Diet Coke.

Anna has spent the last thirty minutes looking into a mirror in the ladies’ room. So, there’s really no point in writing anymore about this, since this is all she’s going to do.

“I’ve finally made it,” Kazuya said to himself with self-satisfaction. He stood in front of a door, which bore the sign “Secret Room—Keep Out!”

“Gee, they must really want this to be a secret,” Kazuya said sarcastically. He looked to make sure the employees in the room didn’t see him, turned the knob, opened the door, and slipped in as quickly and quietly as possible.

The room was rather dark, save for a 19-inch TV screen that was on, and what appeared to be a VCR next to it. The TV gave off enough light for Kazuya to make out what appeared to be hundreds of videos.

“Time to start searching!” Kazuya cracked his knuckles. “Ouch,” he winced. He sighed, and began the search for the tapes.

At this point, you can stop to fix yourself a sandwich, a glass of milk, or whatever. This story is pretty long, so I thought that this time, it would be fair to allow you to have some rest. Aren’t I nice? Now hurry the hell up.

-END INTERMISSION-

“Hey Paul,” said Law.

“Yeah?” asked Paul.

“Why was Kunimitsu a man in the first Tekken?”

“How the hell would you know? You were a friggin’ kid when that all happened,” answered Paul.

“Hey, I asked you first.”

Paul banged his head against the box. “I must be in Hell…and Kazuya Mishima is Satan.”

Suddenly, Devil appeared. “Actually, he’s just possessed by a demon, that being me, and I’m hardly Satan,” he corrected. Then he disappeared.

“Uh…” said Paul.

Yoshimitsu handed Nina the deed to the Mishima Railroads. “But only because I need the money!” he clarified.

“Yeah right, you’re just postponing your inevitable loss as best as you can,” retorted Nina.

“Am not!” Yoshimitsu rolled the dice. “Yes! Double numbers! That means I get to roll again!” Yoshimitsu moved his playing piece—

“Huh huh, ‘playing piece,” snickered Kazuya.

Don’t you start now—!

“Hey, I can start whenever I damn please!” Kazuya sneered, then continued stealing tapes.

Anyway, Yoshimitsu landed on the “Caught by Tekken Force!” space.

“Oh, too bad. You have to go directly to the Mishima Fortress. Do not pass ‘Go’. Do not collect two hundred Yen,” teased Nina.

“Man, how is it that I’m even losing at a game I created, anyway?” Yoshimitsu muttered to himself.

“Ling, you have anymore change?” Lei finally asked after he and King had spent the past half hour laughing at Bryan’s misfortune.

“Like, not for you,” she answered.

“Aren’t you thirsty, though?” asked Lei.

“Uh, like, no,” she answered.

“Wouldn’t you want a drink for later, though?” asked Lei.

“Like, leave me alone.”

Lei shrugged his shoulders. “I guess we’re stuck.”

“But my arm is in there!” shouted Bryan as he pointed at the machine with his whole arm.

“Aw, we can always get it replaced,” said King.

“No, we CAN’T,” replied Bryan.

“Why not?” asked King.

“You know how much it costs me to get a new arm?! For the past few years, I’ve always managed to retrieve my literally broken arm, take it to Dr. Abel, and then have it re-attached,” explained Bryan.

“So basically, you’re a cheapskate,” said Lei.

“If I had my arm, I’d beat your ass down with both of them!”

“Yeah, well, you don’t.”

Lee walked into the room.

“Lee! Our saviour!” exclaimed Bryan as he ran up to Lee to hug him.

“Um…okay…” Lee was rather puzzled.

“Man, you wouldn’t believe what happened to me, and—is that a unicorn on the back of your vest?” asked Bryan as he backed away from Lee.

Lee rolled his eyes. “Okay…who else wants to say that I have homosexual tendencies?”

“Well, there is that laugh of yours—” King started.

“That was a rhetorical question! Bryan, what happened to your arm?”

“Uh, is that a rhetorical question?” Bryan mocked.

“That’s it, I’m sorry I even asked,” replied Lee as he walked off.

“Wait! I need your help!” pleaded Bryan. “My arm is stuck in that soda machine!”

“Say what? Man…Kazuya’s going to kick so much of your asses when he finds this out.”

“Oh, he showed up when Lei’s was stuck in there,” said Bryan.

Lee lit up a cigarette. “Hoo-boy...well, what do you want me to do for you, anyway?”

“Could you buy a soda?”

Lee pondered about this strange request. “Okay.” He took out some change from his pocket, and put it in the machine, then proceeded to select his beverage of choice.

The arm came out, holding Lee’s drink of choice: Pepsi One.

“PEPSI ONE?! I lost my arm for—” Bryan shouted, but he immediately clasped his hand over his mouth to keep Lee from being offended.

“And they like, said my drink was sissy,” Ling muttered to herself.

“Here’s your arm,” said Lee as he tossed Bryan his severed arm.

“Hey, why are you here anyway?” asked King.

“There’s no king in the Lego castle set. I’m wondering if Kazuya knows where it went off to,” Lee explained quickly.

“Oh. I’d hurry then. I’m sure Kazuya has made it to the room already,” said Lei.

“Great,” said Lee. He headed for the stairs, and then ran back to the trio and Ling.

“Say, whatever chaos happened here, I’m surprised no one in this building has bothered to check it out. In fact, I haven’t really seen many employees at all,” noted Lee.

“Maybe they’re working on some games,” suggested Bryan. The five laughed.

“’Working on some games’…that’s a good one,” said King.

“But seriously, though…Namco works very hard when it comes to producing high-quality games,” said Bryan.

“Well, I gotta bolt,” said Lee. He took the flight of stairs to get to the eleventh floor.

The foursome was silent.

“PEPSI ONE?! Oh my God! Could he BE any more…you know…” said Bryan.

“Yeah, no kidding,” Lei replied.

“At least he’s not a girly-boy like you, though,” said Bryan.

“For the last time, I’m not a girly-boy! Why do you call me that, anyway?” demanded Lei.

Bryan looked away. “It’s because you kind of look bishonen.” Bryan had mumbled the word “bishonen”.

Lei just gave Bryan a puzzled look. “A what?”

Bryan shook his head. “You’ll figure it out soon enough, Lei.” He pat Lei on the head as if he were a child, and this made Lei look very annoyed.

“Hey Paul.”

“Yeah, Law?”

“How did Jin learn Kazuya’s moves if Kazuya didn’t teach it to him?”

“Man Law, will you ever stop asking so many damn questions?”

“But I’m bored.”

Paul banged his head against the box.

Kazuya continued to grab tapes.

“Rejected Tekken 2 ending#5821: ‘In Which Ganryu Gets Michelle’.” Kazuya frowned, then put the tape back. “They can keep that one. ‘Kazuya and Heihachi make Peace’. That can’t be what it sounds like. I’ll keep it anyway just in case I need to see a scary ending.” Kazuya continued to go through some of the tapes, taking just the ones he wanted, and slipped them into his trench coat. Then, he came upon the last one:

“ ‘Rejected Tekken 2 ending #4782: Conception of Jin Kazama’. What the hell? This I gotta see.” Kazuya put the tape into the VCR, and pressed play.

“Oh Kazuya…”

“Oh Jun…”

“Oh…Kazuya!”

“Oh…Jun!”

“Kazuya!”

“Jun!”

“KAZUYA!!!”

(Sounds of clothes ripping)

Kazuya immediately pressed the “stop” button.

“Sick!” he exclaimed. “Sick, sick, sick, sick, SICK bastards! God, they shouldn’t be allowed to let their imaginations run away like that.” Kazuya shifted his eyes, and then slipped the tape in a pocket in his trench coat labeled “personal stash”.

Before Kazuya could grab another tape, Lee burst into the room.

“Huh…I thought I heard you making out with Jun in here a second ago!”

Kazuya smacked Lee with a videotape. “Hell no! What the hell are you doing in here anyway?”

“Well, Hwoarang, Michelle, Kat-zumi and I were working on the Lego castle, but then we couldn’t find the king, and we hoped you knew where it went off to.”

Kazuya thought about this. “Are you sure you all looked? Did Kat-zumi accidentally eat it, or did Hwoarang try to burn it with his lighter?”

“Um…no.”

“That’s unusual. You better double-check—God knows what Hwoarang does when he’s high. Now get the hell out before I’m found out—”

“Hey, what are you two doing in here?” A Namco employee turned on a light.

“Hey, there’s a light switch in here after all!” exclaimed Lee.

Kazuya gave Lee a very dirty look. “Lee, did you leave the damn door open?!”

“I might have,” Lee answered sheepishly.

“I could kill you, you know. In fact, that’s a good idea.” Kazuya lunged for Lee’s neck, and put his foster brother in a chokehold.

“You stupid silver-haired freak, now my plan is ruined thanks to you!!” Kazuya shouted as he continued to shake Lee violently.

“Say…you’re Kazuya Mishima, aren’t you?” asked the Namco employee.

Kazuya glared at the employee. “No, I’m Jin Kazama.” He rolled his eyes.

“One of the higher-ups has been trying to reach you. They want to re-negotiate your contract.”

Kazuya immediately let go of Lee, dropping him. “Say what?”

“Well, we’ve been trying to reach you, but you apparently had us on ‘call block’. I suppose this is understandable, what with how angry you were that day.”

“You think?” Kazuya jeered.

“If you will come this way, Mr. Mishima.” Kazuya shrugged his shoulders, and followed the Namco employee.

“Lee, since you’re not doing anything, tell the rest of the Committee to get on out, okay?”

The Namco employee looked at Kazuya. “Committee?”

“Hey, you’re here to take me to the contract people right? SO let’s go,” snapped Kazuya as he pushed the Namco employee forward.

Kazuya stepped out of the building. Everyone that had gone into the building (except for Paul and Law) was already outside. Jun ran up to Kazuya.

“Hey, what happened?” asked Jun.

“Well, I managed to get the tapes, but then dumb-ass Lee came in and left the door open, and I was found out.”

“How awful!” gasped Jun.

“But here’s the good part: we re-negotiated my contract, promising me that I get to appear in another Tekken game! Isn’t that great?”

“Yes dear, but does it guarantee that you’re playable?”

Kazuya scoffed. “Who cares? They don’t know that I still have these bootleg tapes, and besides, I can always raid them again. Anyway, they paid me five hundred million up front!”

“Wow! So the Committee is okay now?”

Kazuya gave Jun a puzzled look. “Huh? What about the Committee?”

“You needed the money to keep the Committee going and to carry out our anti-Pokemon plan.”

“Actually, I just used that as an excuse to get back at Namco. But I still want to carry out that anti-Pokemon plan.”

Jun sighed. “You are so petty at times, Kazuya.”

Kazuya scratched the back of his head. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“But that’s okay. I planted so many beautiful flowers around the building.”

“I’m glad then. All right Committee, listen up! Mission complete!” exclaimed Kazuya.

“Oh? You have the tapes?” asked Michelle.

“Oh my, yes. Hey, you finished the castle without the king?”

“Actually, it turned out that Hwoarang switched the heads of the king and the queen during one of his trips,” explained Michelle.

“Dude, the king looked better on the queen’s body!” explained Hwoarang.

“Uh…right. Nina, Yoshimitsu, what were you two doing?”

“We were playing ‘Tekken Monopoly’ to pass the time,” answered Yoshimitsu. “I would have come to save you, but I didn’t see any struggling…okay, to be honest, I wasn’t paying too much attention, because Nina was cheating at Monopoly!”

“I was not!” Nina shouted.

“Yeah, you were too! You had Ling go to the building just so you could take her stuff!”

“But I gave half of them to you!”

“Stop it!” shouted Kazuya. “If Nina cheated to win, then that’s her problem.”

“Actually, it was a tie game,” admitted Nina.

Kazuya raised an eyebrow. “I don’t even want to know how the hell that happened.” He turned his attention to Ling. “Ling, I know you didn’t read my book, so Lee, memo: Hit Ling with a book. A really big book.”

“Meanie,” said Ling.

“Lei, Bryan, and King: I don’t even want to begin to know what the hell went on back there with you three. All I know is that Lei is free, and Bryan somehow lost his arm—I can only guess how. I also don’t want to know why I heard a chainsaw.”

“Oh man, it’s really funny—” started King, but was struck by a 6-CD changer.

“I don’t want to hear it. What matters is that we got what we came for,” said Kazuya as he patted his trench coat.

“Um, Kazuya?”

“What is IT, Lee?”

“You are aware that Namco could notice that the tapes are missing, right?”

Kazuya grinned. “Actually, they won’t. I simply switched the rejected ending tapes with tapes of ‘National Geographic'. I doubt that they’ll even notice anyway.”

Lee took a drag of his cigarette. “If you say so.”

“Say, what were you doing, Anna?” asked Bryan. “I didn’t see you anywhere.”

“I was getting myself ready to do as Kazuya asked, but by the time I was ready, Lee told me that it was time for us to leave,” Anna explained.

“Typical,” Nina replied snidely.

“What’d you say?” asked Anna.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” taunted Nina.

Jin and Julia finally stopped kissing.

“Oh my God, they finally stopped!” exclaimed Michelle as she pointed at the couple.

“Did we, uh, miss something?” asked Jin. The rest of the Committee glared at Jin and Julia.

“No,” Kazuya answered bluntly.

“Whatever,” replied Jin.

Kazuya was about to smack Jin with an encyclopedia, when Ganryu tugged at the sleeve of his trench coat.

“What do you want?” demanded Kazuya.

“I finished the puzzle!” Ganryu exclaimed happily.

“Say what?” Ganryu pointed Kazuya towards it. Kazuya took a good look at the 500,000-piece puzzle, and his jaw hit the floor after inspecting it for a minute.

“Well, I’ll be damned. You actually completed it,” Kazuya said in shock and amazement.

“Aren’t you impressed, Michelle?” Ganryu asked.

“I’m ecstatic,” Michelle replied sarcastically.

Sarcasm or not, Ganryu still took it as a complement, and started to jump for joy. “Yay! This could be a great step towards our relationship!”

“Okay, another meeting done. Who wants to watch the tapes?” asked Kazuya.

“Hell yeah!” exclaimed King.

“Dude!” agreed Hwoarang.

“Whatever,” said Jin.

“Meow! Purrrr!” exclaimed Kat-zumi.

“Kat-zumi wants to see them too,” translated Jun.

“I got lots of free time today,” answered Nina.

“I’m going to be so embarrassed,” said Julia.

“Man, watching Paul fall on his ass in rejected endings ought to be funny,” remarked Lei. “Hey, where is he? And Law?”

“Weren’t they in that box?” asked Jun.

“I’m sure they can get out of there,” assured Kazuya. “Now then, let’s go. This is going to be a one-time only viewing!”

Narrator: So the Tekken Committee (minus Paul and Law) went to Kazuya’s house to watch the rejected Tekken endings—except for the one Kazuya kept for himself.

But what about Paul and Law?

“Hey, Paul,” said Law.

“Yeah?”

“You think we ever gonna get out of here?”

“Man, I don’t know! Stop asking me so many damn questions!”

“Uh…what was THAT?! This is the most absurd episode I have ever read. Too many weird things…why would I have the Committee work on Lego’s, plant flowers, and work on a 500,000-piece puzzle? In real life, no one could get a puzzle like that done. Also, Saiyan didn’t really spend a lot of time on my plight; instead much of the action was focused on King, Lei, and Bryan, the “Three Stooges” of the Committee. Lei is so stupid to get his arm caught in the machine like that. I’m surprised that King was the only one who didn’t get his arm caught in there. Also, did anyone else notice that there weren’t enough Namco employees, if any, roaming the building?

“Anyway, I guess if you all found it funny, then I really shouldn’t complain. I really haven’t much else to say, other than the fact that I thought it was funny the way I blew up at Namco’s faces like that. Oh, and all those references to the ‘Lee is gay’ rumor was funny too. Oh, and that whole bit with Paul and Law in the box was funny as hell. I’d have more to say, but the author wants to say something, so I’ll let her talk…although I think she talks too much as is.”

AND NOW, AN ADDITIONAL WORD FROM THE AUTHOR

“Hello, all. I hope you all enjoyed this story, as it took me too long to write it. If you didn’t like it, then I don’t have time to waste with the likes of you. Things have been rather rough on me for the past month. Long story short; I am doubting my art and writing abilities (this would be “again” in the case of my art). Anyway, I wanted to let you all know that I DON’T HATE JIN KAZAMA! I only wrote that “Jin is a poser” stuff because I thought it was funny. But anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it, because I spent too much on this story!”