CERULEAN WIZARD 3000
Episode 1 – A Smokey Start
Music: Atomic Kitten – “Whole Again” (played on piano)
(Screen shows a little slideshow to the left and the following text comes up alongside it. As the words start getting spoken a picture of Spring in Australia shows up in the slideshow window)
“Weeks passed and Spring finally came into view. The flowers started blossoming once more and those that were in hibernation came back into play.”
(Slideshow window shows a picture of Tiko)
“But little did they suspect that the vicious powers of Tiko Cortex, AKA the Cerulean Wizard, would strike the archipelago once again. And when he did so he successfully caught control of two of the island’s residents – Dingodile and, shortly after another battle, Tawna.”
(Slideshow window shows a picture of both of them)
“His strength soon made an increase upon his squad and now, showing the new found strength, he declared for one last battle to decide on the Earth’s fate.”
(Slideshow window shows a picture of Crash)
“Lead by his nemesis Crash Bandicoot, the allies have gathered the strongest warriors to grace the island. But little did they know that there would be a surprise in store…”
[Screen flashes white. Music changes – M&S presents The Girl Next Door – “Salsoul Nugget (If You Wanna)” (Intro, first verse and chorus). The flash fades away to show a battlefield in the middle of Turtle Woods, the time being nearly midnight.]
Through the trees we can see a fair fight of 8 versus 8 – Tiko went immediately for Crash, trying to pin him down with whatever he can, his sister Deksta was suffering against Dr. Neo Cortex, who had her on the run, Danni Dingo was having a hard time against Dingodile, wondering whether to kill him or leave him, Shen Lo Ken was in a martial arts fight with Komodo Moe, who had the advantage of a strong blade to battle with, Snappy Gator came into action against Nitrous Oxide, who was trying to attack in the air, Crash’s sister Coco was pinning Hallie down with an ice rocket launcher, her cousin Carla was suffering badly against Lio, who was tossing his ooze all over the place, attempting to capture her, and Private Boron had a few problems with Tawna – not only is he afraid to fight her but he was also cornered badly!
(Music turns instrumental)
The remaining two warriors were waiting on the other side of the battlefield, for their turn.
Toby: I have a bad feeling about this…
Brio: Calm d-d-down, my boy. I know for s-sure you’ll beat him!
Toby: I’m not sure. (looks down at his brand new rifle) And what if dad was right? He said that this could have been a waste of money if it doesn’t work properly.
Brio: (sighs) Look – if it wasn’t sold as a f-f-f-faulty item then it would perform a perfect bang! Watch! (steals the rifle from him and shoots upwards)
BANG!
Brio: There. Perfect!
Just then there was a scream - a childish scream.
Toby: Let me guess – you killed a bird flying up there.
Voice: DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Both of them turned in the direction of the voice. Crash’s son Bash started dashing right towards them, beginning to sob.
Bash: (sobbing) Is he all right?
Toby: Course he is – he’s still surviving! And besides, what are you doing up at this time of night for?
Bash: (sobbing) I can’t sleep because of the fighting. And what was the shot all about?
Toby turned to Brio angrily.
Brio: OK… s-sorry… (blushes anime style and steps away from them)
Toby: (cuddles Bash) Calm down, Bash – everything’s gonna be all right. Daddy is still out there making a good job of himself. And there’s nothing that can go wrong.
Just then the rifle that Toby shot hurtled right onto the ground, causing the whole area to shake and crumble apart.
(Music stops)
Toby: My mistake.
A crack splits open right underneath all the warriors…
Toby: Hang on tight guys – this doesn’t seem too good!
Just after he spoke everyone lost their balance and fell right in the crack, going into a bright light underneath the ground…
[Screen flashes white. As soon as it fades out the title screen and opening credits run alongside U2 – “Elevation” (Tomb Raider mix) and a glimpse at the following 998 years. As soon as the song finishes the scene shows the area in the year 3000.]
Fireworks were going off in the distance as wild as you could imagine, and loud music could be heard everywhere. The houses are on titanium poles high in the air, and from one of them, labelled the Jupiter Discotheque, the loudest music of all could be heard through there, and it sounded very much like a space trance remix of Jennifer Lopez – “Play”. As we go through the window a truckload of people were dancing to the music as cool as they can, except for a group of people waiting by the coffee bar. A young man was standing by a beautiful female dingo and a hovering robot.
(The man sounds like Mel Gibson)
Man: And then he said, “That’s no android – that’s my wife!”
Everyone started laughing loud with him.
(The dingo sounds a lot like Jennifer Lopez)
Dingo: Oh Madison Brio – you… BEAST!!!!!!!!
Madison: Hey – don’t mention it! (turns to the robot) Rusty! What have we got next on the agenda? It’s been 10 minutes since I asked you that question.
(Rusty sounds a lot like Shaggy, but with a robotic touch)
Rusty: Sorry – my eyes were focused on the Millennium Fireworks. Anyway, both of you are up for a drinking test of Millennium Beers, to see which should be classified as the official brew of the 4th millennium.
Madison: OK then! (turns to the dingo) Daphne, are you up for it?
Daphne: I think so myte!
Madison: Well let’s get down to business!
They head over to the bar, and they saw a beautiful yet short fox over the counter.
Rusty: OK then Sui Do Ken – send in the best bytes!
[Sui Do Ken sounds like Lucy Liu (“Charlie’s Angels”)]
Sui Do Ken: OK, the three that managed to qualify are these teasers! (shows each of them) We have an Astro Red Bull, determined to give you the shock of your life, a Guinness Solar, giving you an eternal flame inside, and a Meteorite Glow, showing you a glow to your life. Let’s see which you like and which you won’t. Rusty, you take the Red Bull. Daphne, you go for the Guinness. And Mad, you take the Meteorite Glow. Are you guys happy?
Everyone else: Yes ma’am!
Sui Do Ken: Good. Now… DRINK UP!
Everyone took their cups and started guzzling down the brews. But as soon as Madison guzzled his down he started squealing. Then he started choking… and he spurted steel wings with rocket boosters underneath!
Daphne: That’s wicked!
(There was a voice that sounded like young Kari from “Digimon”)
Voice: You can say that again!
They turn around to see a small Gazmoxian alien, dressed in black.
Daphne: Copper, what are you doing up? It’s past your bedtime.
Copper: Yeah, but to be honest I took a long nap during the day so that I can see the fireworks! Then I saw what you guys were doing, and I looooooooooove Mad’s new wings!
Madison: Yeah, but it tasted terrible. I don’t want it to be sold in the shops. It’s so bad it makes you feel like throwing up… (dashes to the toilets) …so this is worthless! (tosses it down a nearby window)
As soon as Madison goes, everyone looked at each other with sorrow.
Sui Do Ken: I guess that the effects on Mad may cause the Earth to turn to something bizarre.
Copper: I feel totally scared right now…
[Scene changes back down on Earth. Music changes – Apollo 440 – “Charlie’s Angels 2000” (Intro)]
All the battlers were lying there unconscious, until the beer came down, hitting Tiko on the head. Then it landed on its side and started spilling across the area. Finally the formulae went into his mouth, and then he started to revive himself. As soon as he opened his eyes they were no longer a bright green, but they were a blood red.
*******************************
Episode 2 – Space Invaders
Scene: Jupiter Discotheque, in futuristic Australia
Music: 3LW – “No More” (Instrumental)
At this very scene most of the people in the party room were speaking to their friends before the next DJ plays their set for the New Year party. Rusty was showing Copper the wonders of wine consumption behind the bar and Daphne and Sui Do Ken were waiting for Madison outside the little boys’ room.
Daphne: (looks at her watch) Two whole hours and he’s still not out yet.
Sui Do Ken: Do you think he’s still alive?
They remained silent. They could still hear the sound of throwing up behind the door.
Sui Do Ken: Guess so. (sighs) So… wonder what he’d be remixing next on his decks. I heard his dubs on his set 5 hours ago and they amazed me.
Daphne: Well if you like that then he selected me to provide the vocals and the electric guitar samples for his next project. It’s a rework of a classic track near the start of the millennium and it’s sure to be in the nation’s hearts for a long time. (gets out a mini-electric guitar) I hope you like it – it may sound familiar to you if you went to my summer camp.
Sui Do Ken: I sure did.
Daphne: Here goes…
(Music stops)
Daphne starts playing the intro for the track on her instrument and after a while she started singing.
Daphne: (sings) His name is Noel
I have a dream about him
He rings my bell
I got gym class in half an hour
Oh how he rocks in Keds and tube socks…
Sui Do Ken: I know where we’re going… (starts clicking her finger to the music)
Daphne: (sings) But he doesn’t know who I am
And he doesn’t give a damn about me…
Daphne and Sui Do Ken: (sing together) Cause I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby
Yeah I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby
Listen to Iron Maiden baby with…
THUD!
Sui Do Ken: (stops singing) Hold it! Hold it!
Daphne: (stops singing and playing) What?
Sui Do Ken: I thought I heard something from that direction. (points towards a window suspended 9 feet above the floor)
Daphne: Oh, it’s possibly just the speakers from the disco area.
Sui Do Ken: I don’t think so. I need to check this out. (climbs up on Daphne)
Daphne: HEY!
[Music restarts – Tomba Vira – “The Sound Of: Oh Yeah” (Middle 8)]
Sui Do Ken grabbed hold of the windowsill and peeked through it. All she can see is the night sky and the ground underneath, which to them seems like they’re riding a plane.
Sui Do Ken: Maybe the discotheque is falling apart… but I doubt it.
Just then a scary-looking human face popped through the window, causing her to scream and fall to the floor.
(Music stops)
Daphne: Crikey – I thought I told you it was just the speakers…
Sui Do Ken: If you’re talking about speakers… TRY HIM OUT FIR SIZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Music restarts – Avalanches – “Frontier Psychiatrist” (Instrumental)]
What seemed like a blue-haired zombie climbed through the window and pinned them both down to the floor.
Daphne: Who the hell are you?
(The zombie has a familiar voice, but has an ogre-style tone. As we get through the story, you’ll know who it is.)
Zombie: I am your worst nightmare!
(Sound effect – thunderclap)
Both girls scream, and then Madison came out.
Madison: Hey ladies – what’s been going on?
Daphne: HE’S TRYING TO KILL US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Madison: OK then… (gets out a laser) Stand back pig face, because you’re gonna get it!
He tries to fire him but then he didn’t even get a scratch.
Madison: YOW! This guy’s tougher than I thought!
Sui Do Ken: OK, we need to evacuate quickly before he…
(Music changes – Public Domain – “Rock The Funky Beat”)
Just then more of his minions come straight through the window. In fact there were seven of them, all looking familiar but still look like beasts.
Sui Do Ken: …strikes back?
Daphne: RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They bolted out of the area as they tried to fire everything they can at them, but they miss the shot and instead they strike innocent people. Back at the bar…
Rusty: Crikey – this is no way to start the millennium at all.
Copper: (screams and hugs Rusty) I’M SCARED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rusty: Easy there skipper – we’ll try and get you out.
Rusty placed Copper on his back and started hovering across the area as fast as he can. He then managed to catch up with the others and started heading into the car park, and into a small half-car half-space shuttle. It soon blasted off into the sky and headed towards a laboratory on the horizon.
Rusty: The bartender was right – the world IS gonna end!
Madison: Don’t panic now – we gotta figure out what on Earth is he, if not who, and we’ll find a solution to this mess.
There was a clang from behind. They looked back and they saw the living dead chasing them in a hijacked space truck.
Madison: (faces forward) And we have to do it pronto!
*******************************
Episode 3 – The Flash of Life
Scene: Just outside Madison’s space laboratory
Music: Paul Van Dyk – “For An Angel”
Right now Mad’s crew are on the run and are currently suffering badly against the zombie army, which are shunting into his shuttle, wrecking it to bits.
Madison: Be quick guys – we’re almost there! Get him away from us!
Rusty: I’ll try!
Immediately he sends a flash from his eyes, causing them to be blinded and go off course.
Daphne: Well that wasn’t so hard!
The truck went well away from them and eventually crashed right into a supermarket. Meanwhile, the others quickly went inside the lab and into the main room of it. As soon as they got in Rusty quickly locked the doors behind him.
(Music stops)
Rusty: (wipes his head and speaks in a strong English accent) Easy peasy lemon squeezy!
Sui Do Ken: Now all we have to do is get rid of this… behemoth, before something awful happens.
Daphne: But first we need to identify him…
Copper: And I think Rusty has the identification!
[Music changes – 2-Pac – “Till The End Of Time” (Instrumental)]
Rusty opened his mouth and out came the “photograph” he took.
Madison: (takes the photo) Thank you so much. (goes over to a much more technical computer) Now let’s see who this is.
He scans the photo in, and after a while the screen said “File Not Found”
Daphne: You must be joking…
Sui Do Ken: Do we have any close matches?
Madison: It’s got a list of them down here. The closest match we have is for Tiko Cortex, known to many people as the Cerulean Wizard. (loads up his file) He looks just like the demon… but he’s prettier and has green eyes.
Sui Do Ken: What has he done in his life?
Madison: It says here that he was a famous Grand Theft Auto assassin in the early 1990s.
Copper suddenly screamed.
Daphne: Now what?
Copper: (looks scared) THAT WOULD MAKE HIM A THOUSAND YEARS OLD!!!!!!
Everyone blushed anime-style and had a big sweat drop coming down the sides of their faces.
Madison: Anyway, let’s get back.
Sui Do Ken: Do you know who finally defeated him?
Daphne: The police, duh!
Madison: No it’s not!
Daphne: Huh?
Madison: It said here that he had sibling rivalry with his youngest brother Neo, and therefore HE was the one who sorted him out. Eventually he broke out of jail and his army became stronger, but the younger, as I might say, also had a growing crew, with Crash Bandicoot standing by his side, among many others.
(Music stops)
Copper: Then that makes a batch of old people in a war!
(Sound effect – a snare drum and a cymbal played one by one)
Rusty: No Copper – they could have been brought back from the dead. I mean, just look at his ghastly looks! He’s as white as a sheet, has a helluva lot of teeth missing and hasn’t had a shower for ages.
Sui Do Ken: So now what are we gonna do?
Daphne: I think I’ve an idea! I think we should all go down to their graves and revive them, so that they can kill them freaks like they did at the start of the millennium.
Madison: Are you sure THEY killed them? The details tell a different story. Besides, we’d best make a run for it, like you said.
[Music changes – Lit – “Over My Head” (Instrumental)]
Just then there were some banging at the locked door. The padlock began to break off.
Sui Do Ken: (guards the door) What, and leave the area unattended? I don’t think so.
Daphne: OK, to make things easier, Rusty, Copper and I will go and find their graves.
Rusty: Yep – just show me a picture of one of the folks and I’m on it!
Daphne: The rest of you guys will stay here and defend the area.
Madison: No problem! (looks at his steel wings) And I bet these will come in useful!
Sui Do Ken: You can count on me – I’m a pure black belt!
Copper: (looks scared) Yeah, anything to get away from the monster!
Daphne: Right then – let’s get out of here!
The three of them left by the window and then Tiko and the others, which were all now in demon forms, came in and started attacking Sui and Madison.
*******************************
Episode 4 – Dead Or Alive
Scene: The ground of Earth, the location being what was Turtle Woods
Music: Spooks – “Karma Hotel” (Intro and chorus twice)
As the scene begins Rusty, Daphne and Copper went down towards the surface by parachute, which in this time has been modified to drop you down to your exact location. As soon as they touched down they saw the mess of the whole area. What was a beautiful tropical rainforest was now nothing but dead trees, dry soil and no life whatsoever. The “saviours” were on the floor unconscious.
(Music turns instrumental)
Copper: (looks scared) I wanna go home!
Daphne: Calm down! Although this looks like a scary forest there is nothing that can creep behind your back and take you away from me, OK?
Copper: (sniffs) Right…
Rusty: (gets out a set of potions and an injection needle) Still, we can still be able to sort these people out. Then as soon as that’s done… this war will be over by Easter.
When he walks up to them she injected the lot equally in everyone’s bodies.
(Music stops)
Rusty: See? There’s nothing to it!
[Music restarts – Gorillaz – “Clint Eastwood” (Chorus, instrumental and no drums)]
Just as she spoke a black hand attempted to grab him on the back.
Copper: (gasps) RUSTY!!!!!!!!!!
She went up to them and pinned the dark creature on the floor, but when it came into the light… it turned out to be Crash!
(Music stops)
Crash: (screams) OXIDE!!!!!!!!!!
Copper: (screams) What did I do?
Crash: Huh?
Copper: Eh?
Crash: (gets up) You’re too small to be Oxide!
Copper: But I am!
[Music changes – Blue – “All Rise” (Instrumental)]
Crash: Wait a minute – I’ve gone back in time here, haven’t I?
Daphne: Crikey – this is very confusing if you ask me.
Crash: Who are you guys?
Daphne: Daphne Dingo, Rusty-R1D8 and Copper Oxide, of the Star Katz team. We’re here to be at your acquaintance.
Crash: Never heard of you guys before. Where am I?
Daphne: The Australian Outback. Or it WAS that area.
Crash: Wait a minute – what’s today? I feel like I’ve slept for a week!
Rusty: 1st January 3000 – the time is 2:16 AM.
Crash: I’m twisted here… but I need to save that for a while before you show me the problem. Anyway, I’m Crash.
Daphne: The bandicoot Mad told us about? He could be it!
Crash: I’m crazed and confused…
Rusty: I have no time to explain now – your nemesis is trying to kill my friends! (grabs his hand with one hand and tosses a transportation ball in the other) Come on – we don’t have much time.
The transportation ball captured the remaining ten companions like a Poké ball. Copper went over and picked it up. Then Crash and Rusty used jet packs to travel up there, taking the others with them.
BACK AT THE LAB
(Music changes – Faithless – “We Come 1”)
The fight rages on, and immediately Mad and Sui dodged the charges of Moe and Oxide, whom went out of the window clumsily.
Sui Do Ken: (pants) That’s two down and six to go.
Madison: And this lot would definitely not be easy.
They kept on attacking the others with what they can but Mad’s laser shot backfired and Sui’s roundhouse kick didn’t even cause a scratch! Sooner enough, they were cornered in the wall.
Madison: Hey, can we just resort to being free men – and women?
They surrounded them even closer. Just as when they were going to grab them both an array of items were shot towards them - being a buzzer shot, a missile, a laser, an ice rocket, a rifle bullet, a grenade, a bottle with a toxic poison, a crossbow arrow… and a pink pair of underpants.
Crash: Geez, everyone will think I’m a girl if I wear them forever!
(Music stops)
Then an explosion occurred in the middle of the room, blinding everyone for a few seconds. Then the light faded out and all that was seen… was a big hole in the middle of the lab.
Voice 1: Get us up here now!
Voice 2: I can’t hang on like this forever!
Copper rushed up to them and pulled them both up – Sui and Mad were intact!
Madison: Hey, you got the bandicoot with you!
Daphne: That’s right! And we got his comrades with us! (turns to Crash) Speaking of which, how long do you think the enemies will be out for?
Crash: (peers over the side) Come to think of it they may not come up here for another few hours. (turns to the others) Now I need to figure out exactly how I ended up time travelling in the middle of a battle.
[Music restarts – Craig David – “Walking Away” (Ignorants remix, instrumental)]
Rusty: (hovers over to the computer’s search engine) Let’s see what I can find… (starts typing furiously and then comes to a stop) It says here that you died while falling down to the centre of the Earth.
Crash: WHAT?!?!? (rushes over) Let me see! (looks at the photograph of him falling in) Wait a minute – there was a warp in there! A time twister! Hmmm… maybe we ended up down there and that’s why I ended up over here. (turns to the others again) Now can you please explain what happened here?
Rusty: We have located your enemy… (prints out Tiko’s zombie-form photo again) …as a member of the living dead!
Crash: (looks at it) You are joking…
Sui Do Ken: Maybe that was caused by a clumsy idiot tossing something out of the window… (glares at Mad)
Madison: OK, I’m sorry if I did, but I’m not sure.
Crash: What? Tell me?
Daphne: Right. We were testing some beers and…
(Music stops)
A FEW MINUTES LATER
Daphne: …and now he wants to permanently change the future, making us not a part of it.
Crash: I see.
Just then the transportation ball began to spring open, and out came the rest of Crash’s crew, looking refreshed.
[Music restarts – Storm – “Storm” (Housetrap remix, middle 8)]
Madison: These must be yer mates huh?
Crash: Yep – my wife Danni Dingo, my sister Coco, my cousin Carla and some of my well known companions – Shen Lo Ken, Neo Cortex, Toby Tortoiseshell, Private Boron, Nitrus Brio, Snappy Gator and… Bash?
Bash: (looks scared) I couldn’t sleep so I tried to find you.
Danni: An’ besides, where are we?
Crash: Let’s just say we went in a time warp to the year 3000 and the final battle continues tomorrow.
Snappy: Yeah… I’m feeling a bit pooped. (breaks wind) But not that way though!
There were some giggles behind his back.
Toby: Ugh! Pass the sick bag…
Shen Lo Ken: One question though – when will Tiko come back to us, if we see him again?
Rusty: Just in time for noon, I think.
Madison: That’s good. Now if it’s about half past two now we should be refreshed and ready to fight tomorrow. In the meantime you can stay the night if you want.
Crash: Thanks sir!
So they left the room waiting for tomorrow to come. Who knows what dastardly tricks Tiko would have up his sleeve next time!
*******************************
Episode 5 – Bad Idea
Scene: The ground of Earth, now looking totally destroyed
Music: Gorillaz – “19-2000” (Instrumental)
Along the dusty and dark plains, now moving into a beautiful sunrise, we see Tiko walking back and forth among the lifeless ground, looking up at the space lab, which seems to be a tiny dot in the sky. Then he looked towards the others.
NOTE: Remember that the bad guys speak with ogre-style voices over their original tones.
Tiko: I think I have an idea in mind!
Deksta: You don’t say! Let’s see what this wonderful idea is!
Everyone met up in a circle.
Tiko: OK, we need to weaken the forces around the globe in order to capture this lot successfully. Then as soon as we finally come to their lab they will get pounded!
Lio: Yeah, but what if they had anger to strike back with?
Tiko: You give it everything you’ve got to them! (looks up at the lab) As soon as they awaken they will see there’s no rest for the wicked!
Dingodile: OK, so now that that’s sorted… we need to figure out who goes where.
Tiko: OK. All we do is we give you guys a continent each to tear down to size. Three of us will be in one hemisphere and the other four in the other. I’ll be in hiding somewhere secret. We need to feel which one contains the right energy for you guys, and we need to decide this quickly – it’s sunrise!
Everyone huddled together and all that could be heard is faint whispers.
(Music stops)
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE SPACE LAB
In one of the bedrooms a music playing alarm clock went off.
Clock: (cartoony voices singing along to the “Itchy and Scratchy” theme tune)
Wake up! Wake up!
Wake up wake up wake up!
Wake wake wake – up up up!
Wake up now, it’s time to gooooooo!!!!!!!!!
From one side of the clock, Mad slammed his hand down onto it with bags under his eyes. Immediately he got out from his bed, revealing himself in just a pair of red boxer shorts, and peered from the side of his window, with a mini-telescope in his hand.
Madison: Strange… I thought Crash told me last night they were down here…
Daphne: (sits up in her bed, revealing herself in a white nightgown) What’s been happening just now?
Madison: It’s Tiko and his crew. They’re… gone…
Sui Do Ken: (sits up with a start, showing herself in blue and white striped pyjamas) Flamin’ eck – we gotta get to the bottom of this! Get it - bottom – having been the Earth’s surface?
Mad and Daphne both groaned at the same time.
MEANWHILE, IN THE LIVING ROOM DOWNSTAIRS
[Music restarts – Artful Dodger – “Movin’ Too Fast” (Instrumental)]
Everyone else was already up, and Crash was discussing the full story to his crewmates, with Copper and Rusty also in the circle.
Crash: And now his power has gone beyond what we have ever thought of before, and the only way to take him down is to take him back to the present as soon as he’s weakened down!
Copper: I think I’ve got an idea!
She picks out from her rucksack what looked similar to Daphne’s transportation ball.
Carla: That looks like a neat gadget! Er, what exactly is it?
Copper: It’s a time ball, and this is the gadget for taking people back in time. Too bad it’s only good once so be careful how you use them.
Coco: I think I understand – it’s like a Poké ball from Pokémon, is it?
Copper: Poké-what?
Rusty: They’re referring to a popular TV show at their time.
Copper: Thanks for telling me.
Bash: (looks afraid) Well no matter what I don’t want to battle – I’m afraid! (goes up to Crash) I wanna go home.
Crash: Take it easy my boy – we will still survive.
Cortex: He’s right – at some points in my childhood I felt a bit afraid to take actions when something goes wrong, but I had to cope with it.
Copper: And besides, I may be six years old but I have the guts of Hercules! Well, that’s if they want to come out.
Danni: Now seems like the right time to get down to business – if we knew where any of Tiko’s henchmen – and women – are at.
[Music changes – Modjo – “Lady (Hear Me Tonight)” (Club version intro)]
Just then Rusty’s hair slid down behind his neck and out from the hole a light came out.
Rusty: I got a reading right over at the jungles of Zimbabwe in Africa. I can’t quite identify the moron but he – or she – is trying to poison the trees that roam there.
Shen Lo Ken: And I think I’ve got an idea! I think we should split into two teams – while one team rests, the other team sends in the power!
Rusty: Right! We need to decide on this quickly. How about you Snappy? You seem cool enough to handle an area like this!
Snappy: (roots in his backpack) Been there, done that… (gets out a t-shirt) …bought the t-shirt… (unravels it, saying “I LOVE CAPE TOWN!!!!!” and shows a picture of it underneath)
Crash: This is going to be harder than I thought.
Rusty: And to make things easier I’ll just draw out the hat the lucky eight people who’s going. (gets Copper’s hat and places 16 names in it, and then he draws out 8 people) Let me see… I’m going with Snappy Gator, Nitrus Brio, Carla Bandicoot, Danni and Daphne Dingo, Private Boron and Dr. Neo Cortex.
[Music changes – Darude – “Sandstorm” (Club version intro)]
Danni: Say what? Me going with Cortex - but… you guys are crazy!
Snappy: For once Danni, you’re right! I can eat a million maggots in five seconds!
Cortex: (punches Snappy on the jaw) She doesn’t mean THAT sort of craziness.
Danni: Look here – I can remember what he did to me in Manhattan over a year ago, and he transformed my good friend Cody into some… hideous MONSTER!!!!!!!!!
Carla: Relax Danni – he ain’t all that bad! Despite harming many innocent lives he also has his good points. If he wasn’t around then Tiko would have the world under his feet.
Danni: But…
Carla: (whispers in her ear) Even I seem to dislike him at times because of the lives he harmed… (speaks normally) …but then again he’s essential to the team. Do you see now?
Danni: I suppose you’re right… but let’s hope he doesn’t mess up, or I’ll give him the left hook!
(Music changes – Moby – “Theme from Mission Impossible”)
Crash: That’s the spirit! Good luck guys!
Danni: Thanks a lot!
Within a few seconds Rusty rushed out of the room and came back in, grabbing Daphne by the hand.
Daphne: But we can’t go now – I haven’t got changed yet!
Rusty: You can still do that in the car!
Everyone started laughing at them.
Danni: OK… whether I like it or not, I’m ready to show what I’ve got!
Snappy: Danni’s a poet. And I didn’t know it.
Danni then leered into his eyes as they ran outside. Eventually they dashed right out of the house and on their road to a dark and dangerous journey.
Crash: (looks on) Take care guys!
Bash: But what if any of them die?
Crash: Just relax. Try a nap to take your mind off it all, or something like that.
*******************************
Episode 6 – Very Unpretty
Scene: The now wrecked Zimbabwe rainforest
Music: Faithless – “We Come 1” (Club version intro)
As we focus in on this area all plants and vegetation were lingered to their death, and it’s all because of flying purple – not pink – ooze balls! Once they went on the trees they started to drain its energy down to its core within 5 seconds! The person’s identity is still shrouded in darkness, but we can make out a baseball cap and some split ends on the hair.
(Camera turns up into the sky. Music changes – Gabrielle – “Out Of Reach” (Blacksmith rerub mix, instrumental)
While all this was going on, our travelling heroes, refining themselves as “Travel Team 1” were zooming across the area. Danni, however, still looked a bit moody.
Cortex: Danni, you’ve looked this way since we set off. What’s wrong?
Danni: (backs away from him) Jus’ stay away from me an’ I’ll be fine!
Carla looked on with surprise.
Cortex: (turns to Carla with an “almost there” look) I tried.
Carla: I don’t blame you. I know what’s happened in the past, but I don’t think she knows about your “heroics”.
Danni: That’s because ‘e has none!
Cortex: (turns back to Danni) Look – since my early years I have to put up with those childhood dirtbags, and right now is when they will stop haunting us!
Carla: He’s right!
Danni: (turns away from them) I’d ratha’ be hit by a meteorite.
[Music changes – Dido – “Thank You” (Deep Dish remix, instrumental)]
Rusty: Hey guys! I’m getting a strong signal down below!
Everyone peers over the side of the ship, getting a chance to analyse the problem. Snappy, however was the only one to peer over the side… just to throw up!
Everyone else: EWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Snappy: (speaks sickly) I should have told you this earlier – I’m travelsick.
As everyone else came across to Snappy to try and heel him, Rusty got out a camcorder from inside his head and zoomed in to the suspect.
(Camera switches to what the camcorder is looking at)
Rusty: Hey guys! I found one of the zombies! He’s got green hair, an eye missing, a red baseball cap and…
(Camera switches back to normal)
Carla: Oh blinkin’ eck… NOT LIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Daphne: I know it seems scary but we have no choice.
Brio: She’s r-r-right! If we don’t stop him s-soon enough, we’re m-m-m-mince meat!
Snappy: Oh for goodness sake Brio… WILL YOU EVER STOP STUTTERING???????? That’s what’s giving me the travel sickness in the first place… (leans over the side and throws up again)
As he threw up, Boron had his front paws over his eyes, and felt a gross feeling inside.
(Music changes – Hi-Gate – “Pitchin’”)
POP!
Daphne: Now what?
Rusty: I should have told you this earlier… but the engine wasn’t fixed properly last week at all!
Then the plane made an instant drop down to the ground, and everyone inside it were screaming as wild as they could.
(Music stops)
SLAM!
[Music restarts – Theme from “Survivor” (US version)]
As soon as it touched the ground, an explosion occurred and it was totally destroyed. A few seconds later the flash faded and the parts of the ship started to rustle.
Cortex: (comes out from the wrecks and speaks sarcastically) Now that’s a good start for the new millennium – zombie foes and a lack of transportation.
Carla: (comes out from the wrecks) Let’s just hope it can only get better from here.
Lio: (steps over them in a spooky way) Sorry, but it’s all down hill from now on!
Danni: (comes out from the wrecks) So… that’s the target!
Daphne: (comes out from the wrecks) Don’t underestimate him – he’s scary!
Snappy: (comes out from the wrecks, with a face covered in throw-up) And I thought I was bad…
Boron came out from the wrecks. Then he screamed and went back in.
Rusty: (comes out from the wrecks) Just hang on guys – we can still be able to beat him!
Lio: Oh will you now?
Brio: (comes out from the wrecks) Show me your best shot!
Lio grabbed hold of his fringe, hanging over one of his eyes. He started drawing it like a curtain…
(Music stops. Camera shows the view of the jungle from the highest tree)
There were several screams all at once.
*******************************
Episode 7 – Sucked From Its Socket
Scene: The wrecked jungles of Zimbabwe
Music: Papa Rouch – “Last Resort” (Outro instrumental)
The cold breeze started turning even colder around in these old jungles, and everyone seemed disgusted upon the result…
Carla: Now I bet that’s one thing worse than having one eye.
Rusty: Yeah – having one eye and a…
Lio: …gruesome surprise in the other socket? You still need to know about it!
We now see a full view of his face, and in the once empty socket is some sort of a bionic eye.
Lio: This baby cannot only make me see for miles but I can also give in unexpected surprises from them!
Danni: Like what?
Lio: Like THIS!!!!!!!
(Music changes – Fragma – “Toca Me”)
He fires a small rocket through one of his eyes right towards Danni. She started making a run for it and ended up being chased at.
Daphne: (turns to Brio) Now’s yer chance myte!
Brio: (stunned) Who me?
Daphne: Yes you! Give him a nasty surprise!
Brio immediately sneaked up from behind, and then jumped on top of him and pulled a submission. As he did so… he didn’t even hear a squeal. Lio just turned around with an angry look on his face. Brio gulped and then he suffered a karate kick to the head, hitting the floor unconscious.
Carla: (comes up to him) Well that didn’t work out.
Boron followed her and they both carried him over to the others. Then Lio managed to shape up and started firing more rockets from his eye, and Danni was back in the chase again. After a few seconds she was cornered between some chopped trees. It looked like there was no way of escape.
Daphne: Crikey myte! We need a way out – quickly!
Danni: I’m tryin’ me best to break free, but… there’s nothin’ I can do! Even HE’S too fast fer me!
Then he got out a purple blob of ooze and immediately locked it on his target. He was about to toss him when…
[Music changes – Public Domain – “Operation Blade” (Club version intro)]
Cortex: (goes in front of Danni) Don’t even think about it!
Danni gasped with shock. She never thought she’d see the day when a nemesis would help her like this.
Lio: What do you want, shorty?
Cortex: Just look here sir – why would you want to hurt her like that for? You should try and aim for me!
Danni: You’re… helpin’ me?
Lio: Yeah, yeah, whatever. (gets ready to throw his ooze ball at Cortex) Now let’s see if I can try this target!
Carla: Careful – he’s going for the kill!
The ooze ball was tossed and another chase occurred, giving time for Danni to escape his clutches.
Rusty: Looks like I’m ready for a try! (turns to Snappy) Ready?
Snappy: (sickly) But I’m still travelsick… (coughs out a model aeroplane)
Rusty: Look here – fighting isn’t all about the stomach – it’s about the guts, and they should be in shape to battle.
Snappy: (sickly) I’ll try what I can, sir!
Rusty: Excellent!
Both of them turn towards Lio, looking with big determination.
Rusty: HEY YOU!!!
Lio turned to them angrily, giving time for Cortex to dash back to safety.
(Music kicks into the main piece)
Rusty: You wanna use little rockets, do ya? Well we got some of our own! (hands a rocket launcher from down his spine to Snappy and takes a grenade from a pocket in his arm)
Snappy: (receives the gun and still speaks sickly) I’ll go and make him lost in space!
Lio stretched another purple ooze ball into the size of a soccer net and tossed it towards them. But Rusty rushed in with a sharp tackle and head butted it back to him! Now that he was on the run, Snappy fired a missile from the rocket launcher and Rusty tossed his grenade at him.
Lio: Yikes!
A big explosion occurred for half a second and when the blast faded out Lio was sooner enough sky high and hurtled to the floor on his belly! And if that wasn’t good enough, the purple “net” came crashing down on top of him!
Daphne: (got out one of the time balls) Now it’s time to show business! (tosses it at him)
(Music stops)
The ball touched the surface of the ooze and caught it like her teleport ball earlier. Then it started shaking violently… and then it stopped moving.
[Music restarts – Spice Girls – “Viva Forever” (Intro)]
Rusty: EXCELLENT!!!!!!!!!!!! (goes up to the time ball and picks it up) WE GOT THE FIRST ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Snappy: (speaks sickly) HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!
Daphne: Now all we have to do is take it back!
Danni: One small question – how DO we get back?
Voice: Don’t panic – it’s b-b-b-been fixed!
They turned around and they saw Brio fixing the spaceship, and it looked as good as new!
[Music changes – Gabrielle – “Out Of Reach” (Blacksmith rerub mix, instrumental)]
Carla: Brio? But wait a second – there are a couple of mysteries to sort out here.
Rusty: Which are what?
Carla: How did Brio recover and why did Cortex help Danni?
Brio: It’s magic, and m-magicians don’t reveal their s-s-secrets.
Cortex: You can’t even saw me in half!
Brio: OK, OK, I tricked you. I just w-wanted to get out of here as fast as we c-c-c-can as soon as we get this m-m-moron out of the way.
Carla: Right. That’s one out of two. (turns to Cortex) And the reason why you saved her is…?
Cortex: It’s very rare that I say this in front of her but… she’s part of a team, and if we lose her who knows what Tiko and his crew would do to us when she’s not here.
Danni: You ain’t seen nothin’ yet! And by the way, it’s very rare that I say this too but… thanks. I’ll let you help throughout the mission, as long as you don’t mess up like you did last time.
Daphne: Way to go Danni girl! (looks back at the shuttle) And now we are free for a journey back! (looks at the time ball) And to take him back to 2001!
(Music kicks into the chorus and turns vocal)
Everyone headed back into the shuttle and they soon blasted off high and headed back to the space lab…
(Music stops as soon as chorus finishes. Screen turns black)
Snappy: (sickly) Can someone find me a tablet? I need… fresh… air… (throws up)
Everyone else: EWWW!!!!!!!!!!!
TO BE CONTINUED
*******************************
OUT-TAKES OF THE SAGA
Brio: (sighs) Look – if it wasn’t sold as a f-f-f-faulty item then it would perform a perfect bang! Watch! (steals the rifle from him and shoots downwards accidentally)
BANG!
Brio: OW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (starts hopping up and down on one foot)
Toby: Oh brother…
*******************************
Daphne and Sui Do Ken: (sing together) Cause I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby
Yeah I’m just a teenage…
SNAP!
Daphne: Hang on myte! (looks down at her guitar)
Sui Do Ken: What’s the matter? Have you snapped a string?
Daphne: Not A string, but… ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!! (shows her guitar to the camera and cracks up)
Sui Do Ken: (giggles) Where’s a carpenter when you need one?
*******************************
Sui Do Ken: Now all we have to do is get rid of this… behemoth, before something awful happens.
Daphne: But first we need to identify him…
Copper: And I think Rusty has the identification!
Rusty opened his mouth and out came… a shiny Lugia Pokémon card!
Daphne: RUSTY!
Rusty: But I needed that card to complete my collection!
*******************************
Crash: Let’s just say we went in a time warp to the year 3000 and the final battle continues tomorrow.
Snappy: Yeah… I’m feeling a bit pooped. (tries to break wind, but accidentally places a “present” in his pants) Oops…
Toby: Let me guess – you’re out of gas!
Snappy: (panics) Someone help me quick! I dropped something nasty in my pants!
Director: Just hang on – we’ll sort it out as fast as we can!
Snappy: Oh boy… remind me to eat a full can of baked beans for breakfast tomorrow…
*******************************
Rusty: We need to decide on this quickly. How about you Snappy? You seem cool enough to handle an area like this!
Snappy: (roots in his backpack) Been there, done that… (gets out a t-shirt) …bought the t-shirt… (unravels it, saying “EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!” and it has a picture of Taka Michinoku and Funaki)
Crash: Oh God Snappy, you watch too much wrestling on the TV.
Snappy: (in a Japanese accent) INDEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*******************************
Cortex: (comes out from the wrecks and speaks sarcastically) Now that’s a good start for the new millennium – zombie foes and a lack of transportation.
Carla: (comes out from the wrecks, with a face covered in oil) Let’s just hope it can… (pauses for a while) Oh fiddlesticks!
Cortex: Now what?
Carla: (pats her face a few times and sighs angrily) There’s been a blinkin’ oil spill here, and it’s spoilt my make-up!
Cortex fell back into the wrecks, shocked by the surprise.
*******************************
Rusty: You wanna use little rockets, do ya? Well we got some of our own! (hands a rocket launcher from down his spine to Snappy and roots in his arm for a grenade, but then pauses after a few seconds) Oh for Pete’s sake…
Lio: Now what?
Rusty: I forgot the grenades! (zooms off the set) Just hang on – I’ll be back in a few minutes!
2 HOURS LATER
Rusty: I found them! (comes on the set) Now let’s try and re-film this take, good and proper!
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