A true account of the history of the Furrians .. (abridged)
GNN News
BIOLOGICAL EXPERIMENTS RESULT IN NEW SPECIES..
Professor Bignaose Schnotgruber currently
working on biological weapons for the MEEC claims to have developed a new species as a
result of crossing a chimpanzee with a bat and applying the new chemicals to the foetus..
The resulting creature resembles a winged ape and has rudimentary speech abilities.. Our
reporter tried to communicate with one of the creatures but it could only emit a sound
that was unintelligable. "Ferkofftyu skroad" was all it could say..
From his base on the uninhabited jungle world
of haum in the Verkan system, the professor said "They seem a hardy little species
and we will allow them to thrive here when we leave the planet.. They are after all lovely
little furries and it would be a shame to eliminate them"
This is Norris McWhirter bidding you all a very good night and leaving you with this final
thought..Where will this all lead? How will it all end? Who knows? Only time will tell?
Norris
McWhirter
News
at ten
Central
news room
Galifree
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2200 CE scout report on carbon life
form sited on planet haum Verkan system
We have visited the site recorded for the
Furrian bio. exp. We find no significant traces of true intelligence. All evidence points
to the experiment being a failure in establishing new life forms. Recommend that
termination be explored in 500 years
Sgt Caffrey Imperial scout division.
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The small creature winged its way across the night sky. The Furrian
thought of food, warmth and bloody fine sex. The noise started as a low rumble and
grew and grew till it became a rushing tornadoe. The light exploded across the sky and the
flaming cylinder lit the whole hemisphere as it headed dirtside. Fear emptied the
Furrians bowels and tore at his heart. In terror he screamed as the projectile tore into
the hillside. In abject fear he watched as the missile drilled its way into the planet and
finally his curiousity was aroused as the earth filled the hole behind it.. His limited
intelligence was of little help in understanding what he had just seen. Nothing however
could quench his sense of wonder. He hovered at the now sealed entrance to the missiles
entry point and mouthed loudly
"Wadd der F*** waz dat?"
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ORIGINS
"Gottcha"
murmured Cherbybeeb
the hunter and he carefully lined up his bow on the derlan.. The beast represented at
least a weeks supply of meat for his tribe.. The 4 metre high by 6 metre long beast grazed
its way into the clearing below him.. For hours the Furry had tracked the beast with the
aid of his doat.. The small semi intelligent symbiot had flown above the beast,
accustomising it to it's presence and smell until it was prepared to accept the presence
of his master.. Cherbybeeb had taken his place and was now ready to kill the creature..
Slowly,
slowly he breathed in deeply.. Softly, softly he drew back the bow.. Breath held and
nerves steadied he took careful aim.. He knew that if he missed he was a dead man..The
derlan was a killer when it was cornered.. In a wild exhalation of breath, he released the
string.. Unerringly the missile sped through the air and targeted the eye socket of the
derlan.. In a spray of blood the point of the arrow split the membrane of the animals
eye.. In a twinkling it pierced the socket and sliced into the brain.. Silently and
effortlessly the great beast sunk to the ground in the darkness of the night. It's
life
now departed..
With
whoops of joy and the sound of the excitement of the kill, the rest of the tribe flew from
the trees and descended on the quickly cooling corpse ready to dismember it and transport
it back to the hanging place.. The daylight temperature of "Haum" would soon
make it uneatable and such a prize must be dealt with rapidly.. Cherbybeeb did
not truly understand the reasons for this decay, he only understood the action it caused..
The Furries were a strange race, sub normal in intelligence but abnormally
"streetwise". Their common sense was incredible when applied as a group
project.. They were capable of great things as a group that as individuals they could not
even begin to comprehend....
The
activity was ordered by Selvafen sweet tauka a true administrator.. Swiftly the cutting
began under the eyes of Graberd the axe berra, whose flint axe soon made deep inroads into
the quickly rotting flesh.. As Hurmagordwen brought the transport sleds into the small
meadow, the indelicate voice of Talumalua shield Daeme rang across the forest floor..
"kud der besd F****** bids fersd. Kos if we daun der F******* fing will be rodden in
nau F******** time"
Cherbybeeb
glanced in to the western sky where Laudydoh Neebern rose into the brightening sky.. Again
the thought idly passed through his mind, did the morning sky cause the God to rise from
his sleep or was it Laudydoh Neebern that caused the sky to brighten.. The dots of light
that filled the night sky began to slowly disappear with the rising sun or did they merely
fade from his view.. Who knows??.. Unfortunately his powers of concentration were not
sufficient to maintain his interest and his thoughts faded before he could come to a
conclusion.. "Ids taim tu go laud " said Farydedo his lifelong hunting
companion..
In
the depths of the hanging place, the shidpile, a mound of rotting faeces , Furry corpses
and rotting vegetation heaved with the movements of Wadahee Pashid the tribal god of the
Furries..
"Dam wud dese aborigines nevva ave an intresd greater than dere bellies"
frustratedly the god aimed his thoughts at the tribes leader..
"wad
if dey nod lights" thought the Furry "wad if dey worlds like owers?? Wad if dey
god Furries jesd laik uz ??" he pondered
Wadahee
Pashid yelled with delight and thought
"Gottcha"
**************************************************************************
Haum 950 A.P.
"UPWARDS AND ONWARDS"
bellowed
charbybeb Laud ov der lance as he flew up to take his place at the head of his army.. He
positioned himself at the point of the wedge formed by his personal body guard and the
knights of Pashidan.. To his right he could see the division of Graybard the lance laud
while to his left was stationed the division led by Sivafon smoov tounge .. In the rear
came the baggage sleds and artillery under the command of Herma Gorwen.. At his side
hovered Fera Deda his shieldbearer and lifelong companion while to his rear fanning the
air with blue shimmering wings wings rode Talu Malu and the daemas of glory..
Before
them the army of the easterners was arrayed in battle order riding the updrafts..
After so many years of fighting he knew that this was the reckoning.. The
future of haum lay here and now on this battlefield in the clouds and whomever was the
victor would rule uncontested in the northern hemisphere.. They were outnumbered
three to one but Wadahee Pashid was their protector and he would not fail them..
"Pashid iz wiv uz... Nau feer... Onward to viktry" cried Charybeb and as one
company the entire army raised its shield and levvelled their lances.. With a crash
of wings the army advanced in unison. Wings and facings perfectly aligned.. Smoothly they
glided forward and as they went they took up the chant.. " EER WE GAU, EER WE GAU,
EER WE GAU..."
To
the onlooker it was insanity . The act of the sub normals that they were.. They were
outnumbered and outflanked but still they advanced.. It was as if some supernatural force
guided and co ordinated their actions.. They manoevered before the enemy and when contact
was made it was almost a foregone conclusion..They sky rained blood .. The easterners died
in their thousands and the victory was total.. "By der F*** we really kicked der
F******* shid oud ov dem B****** dirren we laud??" screamed the almost ecstatic
Talu Malu .. Before Charbybeb could reply The voice of Fera Deda rang through the
air "Talu keep going..Ids nod ovva till der Fad daema sings". Laughing
hilariously Talu replied " Ise der aunly daema eer an I aind F*******
fad...heheheh!!" With that the knights flew on into the eastern survivors.. It
didnīt take long till their were no survivors..
Deep in the
caverns of Haum immersed in the shitpile he called paradise, an exhausted Wadahee Pashid
beamed his thoughts to the ether and dreamed a dream of his homeworld...
Charbybeb
rested on his wings and lifted his head to the sun and the stars .. "Wad iz oud
der???.. Wun day... Wun day......"
Wadahee
Pashid exulted and safe in his haven thought..
"UPWARDS AND ONWARDS"
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Haum 1950 A.P:
Gently he pressed the button..
The communicator
sounded summoning the triumvirate and generals into the war room..
They were all here Grayberd the fighter, Silver fon the negotiator , Hermen Gortwen der
bomba laud , Talloo Malloo the daema rear admiral , Fera Didod the spymaster and many
others..
The war
with the southerners had been raging ever since first contact some 1000 years ago and no
possible end was in sight.. The plains and farmlands were ravaged and the future looked
bleak.. A decision had to be made and made now ...
"Weul my frends!!" said the old and troubled warlord.. "We musd pud an end
tu dis .. We have der nukleoniks an we godda yuse dem befaur der soufernas du.. Bud I kand
taik dis decishun alaun. Wad du yu fink we shud du.. ???"
"laud Chebbybeb" interjected Fera Didod " We ave der teknikers findins
an dey say dat yusin dis weppun wiul destrauy uz aul.. We ar nau kaipabal ov space flight
an der futur kan chainje.."
Down in the shit pile Wadahee Pashid trembled in rage.. They were going to back down..
They would not use the weapons.. With every ounce of his strength he thought at Chebbybeb
Chebbybeb would never ever know what made him do it.. A muscle reflex .. An act of idiocy
or an inspired moment.. He only knew that he could not help himself.. He leaned forward
and
Gently he pressed the button..
************************************************************
Haum 2190 A:P.
There was no other alternative
Chubbybob the guardian of the hanging places turned to his companions and said "Ar we
aul agreed"
They were all gathered . Greybeard
the warrior , Silverthorne the diplomat, Fere Didout the near genius minister of
intelligence, Tallulah Mallulah the hard swearing daema rear admiral. Herman Gortwing
chief of bomber command and transportation, Swiftglide the minister of trade and industry
and Mae Dersternstuff the minister for planetary dockyards and defences.. Just for a
moment they were all lost in their thoughts..
The nuclear war begun back in the
1900īs had destroyed Haum and been carried out into the galaxy.. Planets had died and
many Furries had gone to the pile.. The Furries had discovered other races out there and
both they and the easterners had continued their nuclear efforts despite the other aliens
.. The war was now galactic and involved every race in the galaxy.. The destruction of the
galaxy was assured..
There was however hope.. Derwent
Sharkface had, during a night of orgy and selfabuse, discovered the jump drive whilst
under the influence of the magic mushroom.. It meant that a small party could be placed on
a jump ship and sent millions of light years to new galaxies to make a fresh start.. It
was the only hope for the Furries.. The medics had found a way of cloning the dna of the
Furrians, making it possible for the leaders to clone themselves and send them on the
jump.. They would be few and backward technically.. It was not possible to carry much with
them.. But it was a way out...
Every galaxy would be populated with the clones of the Furry leadership.. Their continued
existence was guaranteed..
Easily they all nodded in
agreement. only one voice was to be heard with a suggestion.. Firmdung the Crazy , warrior
priest and master of the knights Pashidan who said.. "We godsda find rhuum faur
der pile . Pashid gaus wiv uzs.." again they all nodded
There was no other alternative
****************************************************
Deep below them in the pile, Wadahee Pashid flipped for joy and promptly began cloning
himself in preparation for the journey.. One of him at least was going home...
